Undergraduate / UC Prompt; Repressed Memoir of My Past [24]

PROMPT ONE: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Everybody I associate with would consider me a happy-go-lucky, bright, creative, smart and sophisticated girl. There is never a frown upon my face and if anybody wants to have a good time they always call me. I seem to be able to laugh and have an excellent conversation with both adults and people my age. I always look at a cup as half full and dull days are only caused by people around me that are sad. I've been told how lucky I am and some people wish they could live my life and smile as often as I do. However, I always tell those closest to me that these masks we all wear can seem so convincing. I guess my mask was so well executed that nobody would guess I was diagnosed with depression.

A few months before I started High School I was sexually assaulted and almost raped. To this day it's a memory that I will never forget. The feeling of humiliation and shame seemed to stick like Velcro, so I covered the blister-like marks on my neck and chest with the hair that usually stayed up in a ballerina's bun. I willingly obeyed to the consequence for not coming home for my curfew and kept the crime swept under the rug for about a year. Constant flashbacks prevented me from holding in the recollection of that night, so I accepted the tears and braced myself with the harsh reality that life isn't fair at all. Finally, I told my mother how I was unwillingly forced to surrender my will.

Four years is a long time for an adventure and I can't say I'm cured, however, I do believe things happen for a reason so I thrived on that concept. My depression has ceased and my genuine smile has peeked out like a sun through the clouds after a long storm. I feel as if I have been forced to experience moments that not everybody is familiar with and that that night has subconsciously molded and shaped my dreams and aspirations. I've met many different psychologists, some are wonderful and others seem to be driven by the amount written on a checkbook. I realized that those that have a scar from the past can sincerely tape up a severely wounded heart without an incentive. I plan to fulfill my desires and prove to multiple individuals that what they have done has only produced another therapist instead of another victim. I want to become a psychologist because I am so proud of my observant personality and listening to stories and acting like a therapist to those around me was never classified as a chore, but more like a gift. I wish to play a role in which I can reconstruct torn wishes and lives, just like what he had done to mine.