Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2 - My best friend's grandma [19]

Great job! its written very well.
Your last papragraph should definatly be you conclution i would just expland it a little
Its a great essay it flows very well!

Undergraduate / MassArt -- why i want to attend, my love for art, and how i came to this passion [8]

Thank you so much!
I wrote everything and just said what i needed to. then i made a second draft
tell me what you think?

A park bench is merely a place to sit to most. As I pass the same bench, I see its unique colors, shapes and character. My mind wonders as to what medium would best reveal its texture or how I would angle my camera to capture its essence. Growing up, I have learned to appreciate the visual arts. The more I become aware of my surroundings and the further I develop my artistic skills, I see how anything, like a simple park bench, can be an inspiration.

As I was entering high school, I was eager to study in a more intense artistic atmosphere. I remember as a freshman, I was amazed at the seniors' abilities and their work and I became very anxious and excited to take the classes offered by my school. Through the years, I have been open to grasping new techniques and receiving constructive criticism, all the while wanting my art work to be insightful and the finest it could possibly be. I have learned many skills, that not only have I honed in on my artistic abilities, but has helped me improve myself and who I am today. I now appreciate who I am and what I have to offer, while becoming a more responsible individual while taking a stronger leadership role in my personal and professional activities.

My high school, Norwich Free Academy, is known for its collegiate-level art program and in the past four years, I have taken seventeen semesters' worth of art instruction. I'm dedicated to my profession and I look forward to my college experience. I love to toil with different mediums and attempt creative means to express myself through art. I know with hard work and thoughtful consideration to my abilities I will thrive and grow to my fullest potential. Even when a medium doesn't always come naturally to me, I'm willing to undertake the challenge and always do my best

I want to attend Massachusetts School of Art for a number of reasons. I have had the opportunity to visit several art universities and colleges in the past year and Mass Art offers me everything that I am looking for, not only for a superior education in art, but also for growing myself as an individual as well. At this point in my art career, I'm unsure of which medium I prefer or which major I will pursue. Mass Art's Foundation Year gives me the opportunity to experiment in a variety of techniques and medias and to further explore my interests without making a commitment my freshman year.

Further, I love Boston and everything the city has to offer. The people are warm and diverse and the city is full of life, filled with character and history without that cold, big city feel. By attending your school, I will be in the center of the art community which will give me the best education in the most supportive, creative environment, all while growing myself to my fullest potential as a person.

Undergraduate / 'the first in my family' - Why Ohio State University Essay? [5]

I want to major in mechanical engineering, and I believe Ohio State would be a great place for me to do so...explain why you think it would be a great place for you. do a little reasearch and throw some specific facts that you like about the school

opportunities they offer..what do they offer but explain why you like them and how they can benifit you and your goals
what great things did you hear about it?.. it needs to be about YOU and why YOU like them.

put some more of yourself into it, they know about what they offer. they just need to know why you want to be part of them

hope this helps :)

Undergraduate / MassArt -- why i want to attend, my love for art, and how i came to this passion [8]

Thank you so much!
how does this sound for an intro?

When walking past a park bench many people simply think of a place to sit. As I pass the same, what most may think to be an insignificant bench, I see colors, shapes and texture. My mind wonders off to what medium best would reveal the texture in the wood or how I would have to angle my camera to capture that perfect image. While growing up, I have learned to appreciate the visual arts. The more I study the world and further my artistic skills; I become more aware of my surrounding and how anything, like a simple park bench, can be an inspiration for art.

Undergraduate / MassArt -- why i want to attend, my love for art, and how i came to this passion [8]

When walkng past a park bench many people simply think of a place to sit. As i pass the same insignificant bench my mind wonders off on what medium would best reveal the texture in the wood or how i would have to angle my camera to capture that perfect image. Growing up i have learned to love the visual arts. The more I study the world and further my artistic skills i have taught myself to be aware of my surrounding and how anything, like a simple park bench, can become a piece of art.

Im horrible at wording what i mean but what im trying to say is that i always find simple things fascinating and always try to capture them in my head for my next piece...does that make sence?

i really need some feedback i have 2 days to write this!! help me please!

Undergraduate / 'Applying, not just passing by' - Why I applied to Lehigh... [7]

It doesnt say much about you and i think you talk too much about the campus. if this is your introducton u should introduce yourself and about you. they already kno about the campus so u dont need to go into detail about it.

Undergraduate / "mother's heated workshop" - UC Prompt #1. The world you come frome [4]

Sounds very 'listy' i would try to combine the sentences to make it flow more.

She had to get a job and earn money for her family. My mother got married at my age...

She was married at __ which is the same age as me, andIn order to help her family she needed to get a job. ( bad example but you need to make it flow better so it doesnt sound like a list)

hopefully this helps!