Posts by zhuangjieyi

zhuangjieyi

Dec 25, 2009

Undergraduate / Epistemology- stanford supplement-common app [5]

XD Actually, at first, when I read the first line, I was like what? This essay must be about something completely trivial - talking about girls? Is it going to be like that essay that started with the kissing again (which actually turned out to be pretty good) and interestingly enough, yours ended up that way too. I was pretty interested in the whole thing. I liked how you connected the two together although I did raise my eyebrows when you said you referred to the Stanford encyclopedia for the research on girls and philosophy. I don't see any huge grammar or idea mistakes so overall, great job!

Oh, and this is another line where I went really? you sure that's not just you?
"Naturally, these possessors of natural elegance are the subjects of every teenage boy conversation and thought."

zhuangjieyi

Nov 26, 2009

Undergraduate / Common Application Essay - Topic of your choice - Dreams Deferred [40]

I really like it! But I kind of agree with the first person...although I personally loved the beginning paragraph, I'm not sure how happy admission people will be when reading about it...but it's your choice...there may be great rewards for the risk...

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I love it! XD Very strong conclusion...hehe...unlike mine...oh...and read what you asked...no, I didn't get a whinney tone

zhuangjieyi

Nov 26, 2009

Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1: Thou art General! [10]

"Check," my grandfather shouted, moving his brutal queen into position to threaten my trembling king hiding behind a pawn in the corner. "Another defeat, my young man," he teased...

I was introduced to chess when I was 8. I was fascinated; chess had a mysterious charm that draws me to it like a magnet. Maybe it was the sophisticated elegant nature of chess? Maybe it was the freedom beneath many rules of chess? I could not explain it . I just know I played it like a sport: passionately.

However, I soon realized that chess was more than that. It was a world in itself, a world where each individual would express their personality, their fears and their beliefs; one might be an aggressive impertinent "Roaring German" tactician , while other might be a careful reserved "French Defense" tactic lover. It was a world where I could train and harness my own personal qualities. (I absolutely love the different German and French, but I suggest using different words other than tactician, then tactic...)

In chess, I am the general. Like all generals, I have to be determined and patient. "Think 'Win, win, and win at any cost,' and grind your opponent's nerve down," my grandfather taught me. Farsighted is another key element in chess; one has to look at the big picture, at all time. But, most importantly, it is the responsibility and self-discipline that makes a good general. Once I'm in , I am responsible for the fate of my pieces (maybe something stronger...like the lives of my soldiers?) and the game, and to emerge victorious, controlling my emotions and relying on logic alone are critical. The world of chess shaped my personality days by days (It may just be me, but I've never heard "days by days"... .

..."How to get out of this," I asked myself. Suddenly, I noticed that he created a deadly weakness in the center, so I exposed it. "Check king and queen!" I shouted back. He was amazed, then grinned: "Never give up in anything, do you?" "As long as I live, never," I smiled. LOVE THE ENDING XD

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^Did that so that it's not like I wrote the essay...otherwise, with my name under it, it's like I did!

zhuangjieyi

Nov 26, 2009

Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1: "Your son has autism."; The Gift [4]

Alright, will do :) Thank-you so much! And I will definitely read over yours.

zhuangjieyi

Nov 26, 2009

Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1: "Your son has autism."; The Gift [4]

Here's my essay...is the intro too long? Any edits? I know I repeated a lot of words and the intro paragraph does seem a little dramatic? Please do say if it is overly so.

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"Your son has autism." It took me a while to finally register what the doctor said. It was even worse when I saw the expression on my parents' face. Shock. Disbelief. Horror. It was probably the expression that my face held as well. I looked down at my brother who was eleven years my junior. He looked perfectly normal. How could this angelic looking plump-cheeked toddler have something as wrong as autism in him? It didn't make sense. I didn't want it to make sense. I didn't want it to be true. But it was.

Until six years ago, I was a single child in my family. I was also asthmatic. This unfortunately led to many absences to pre-school as I was sick and my parents didn't want my sickness to accumulate into an asthmatic attack. I remember as a little kid, when I was in Japan, I would stand on my home's balcony, and wave to my classmates who were on the school playground right across the street. I would only recognize them by their gestures and perhaps their voices when it reached me but not by their clothes as they were all in uniforms. However, their excited faces and enthusiastic waves made me happy to know that they missed having me in school. But it was not enough. I wanted a sibling that will always be with me. I wanted a playmate that I can see everyday and not only the days when my wheezing is gone. As a little child, I had believed that by saying my mom was pregnant she would, and thus passed out rumors that I was getting a little brother. My parents, out of fear that they would have another child who also has asthma and will get just as sickly as me, never planned or had a child after me. That all changed when I came to Canada.

After having the fortune of being introduced with an experienced doctor whose expertise was in eastern medicine, my lungs became stronger and my absences to school decreased. With that, my parents no longer worried about my health and finally decided to give me the sibling that I had always wished for. While my baby brother was perfect in every way, he sadly had the abnormal condition of Autism, which was brought to our attention when the teacher repeatedly told us of all his troublemaking tactics and his inability to be sociable.

My brother's diagnosed condition reminded me again the gift that my Canadian doctor gave me. He gave me the opportunity to live the life that other healthy kids live. He gave me the second chance to spend more time in school and strive for all the things I want - whether it's sports or academics - without having asthma to hinder me from my dreams. I wish to pass on this gift of opportunity and cure other kids from their sicknesses. I wish to give them the second chance so that they will also be capable of fighting for what they want without sickness from stopping them. I aspire to be the one who will give my brother the second chance to be cured from autism.

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