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Posts by kooka
Joined: Nov 26, 2009
Last Post: Dec 3, 2009
Threads: 1
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Dec 3, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The power of advertising depends on society and goods! [5]

Margarita thanks, your remarks help me a lot. First I see the weak points of my knowledge of grammar, and second I get were is flaws in structure of essay. Very helpful.

Is the sense is more clear in this variant?
Dec 2, 2009
Writing Feedback / THE FIRST FRIEND IN MY LIFE [7]

Thank Thu Ba for your stories.

The one thing looks quite strange in your writing for me. You haven't used continues and perfect tenses in your story at all. So this is one of the clues how to improve your writing skill.

I'm not native speaker, but I could try to provide some examples based on your writing if you like.
Dec 2, 2009
Writing Feedback / Early believe assumptions vs Science new findings about Altruism [4]

The sense exposed more clear in this variant for me.

the provided information provided supports

It acts as a guard, just looking out for predators and giving alarm to the group. Therefore, this behavior is considered as altruism because the sentinel take care of the group without getting any benefit. In fact it is the opposite. it endangers its life and gives up for food . On the other hand, In the lecture is explained that this behavior on meerkats have been study recently closer tan before and they eat before they stand guard. ... (and as a conclusion). So the fact is that guard endangers its life and gives up for food and taking advantage in escape.
Dec 1, 2009
Writing Feedback / Early believe assumptions vs Science new findings about Altruism [4]

Hi margarita,

Here is my notes.

sacrifices of individualsindividual interest (?)

in regard withto behaviors

The noun "behavior" is uncountable.

On the other hand, on the lecture is explained that science new findings, in regard with behaviors considered as altruistic in earliest times, are associated with behaviors performed by the self-interest of the individual, instead.

I feel that something is wrong with the sentence structure. May be this sentence should be divided into two ones for increasing readability and clearness.
Nov 30, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL "Some people are always in a hurry to go places and get things done." [4]

Hi, s011208,

One thing that catch my eye in your essay is the expressions "suffer from pressure", "not enough suffer". For my taste it's too strong. Maybe it would be more calm to say "is under time pressure" or something like that :)

Imho, the main weak point of essay is the lack of live examples, i.e. you make statements but don't support them.

For example :)
Not only can it help people do their jobs systematically, but it also helps them do their jobs more aggressively. Why?

if people always live life at a slower pace, they will suffer from a lot of vital problems, such as doing jobs ineffective. Why?
Nov 29, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The power of advertising depends on society and goods! [5]

This is my first try of writing essay in English. So I would be appreciate for any notice about grammar, words using and overall structure of essay.

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. (250 words)

Do you agree or disagree?

My opinion is that the correlation between the influence of power of advertising and real needs depends on the society and goods. In the countries with strong economic and big GDP, the advertising tends to play a noticeable role. On the other hand, in the poor countries advertising has secondary role. Also, I think the significance of advertising variates from market to market.

In markets, such the high-tech or educational ones, the influence of advertising is clearly visible. The grows of sales in it derived rather by advertising and fashion trends then by real needs. As a live example of this phenomenon we could see that people usually change or significantly upgrade home computers every two years. There is no actual need to do that, because the most used programs do not need such upgrade. At least it's possible to use a four years old computer for routine tasks without noticing any trouble.

Such "fashion oriented" markets are mostly grow in countries with strong economic. The reason is that the people of more poor countries have to care more about food, cloth and things which are posed on basic needs. For example, in India or Africa where the individual consumer power of is 5 times less than in USA, therefore the vital problem is to buy enough food and give education to children.

More conservative areas such as food market are not influenced by advertising as much as other areas. The cooking habits of people are resistant to changes and it's not so easy to invent some new product there. I think people more focused on quality of food and don't pay much attention to advertising. At least when I buy bread or potatoes I don't look to the brand of conductor.

As for varying from country to country I don't think much difference presented in such conservative markets. Eventually the rice, bread and milk are the same everywhere.

So my point is that significance of advertising is lowering for goods which meet the basic need. As for more virtual need such as entertainment the high sales are more reflected the power of advertising than real need of society or quality of product.