I'm Vietnamese and my name is Thu Ba (that mean: autumn wave in English). I'm very delighted if you read my writing and comment on me. I have learned English for a long time but I'm still bad at English. Please help me improve skill of writing by your comment about grammar, punctuation and how to using correct words...
THE FIRST FRIEND IN MY LIFE
People often called me Little Third and called her Little Fourth. Both of us were only daughter in two families next door. At that time, two families were poor. Her mother sold sponge cakes and often was absent from her house. As for my mother was also busy all day. Therefore we were more and more familiar with each other because of children game such as tig, tag, jumping rope, and making house...
I still remembered she often took me to visit her kinsmen also being our neighbours. Whenever she was got gifts, she all divided me a half, even that was a lemon or star-fruit. And as for me I rarely gave her something because my parents were economical, seldom bought me a gift or a cake. There was a time, the Little Fourth was eager to carry my baby brother in her arm. Maybe my brother was too heavy for her to carry therefore she was stubbed and tumbled down on the ground. My brother cried out and she also burst into tear because of pain. When she fell down, she was scratched in her face and her knees. I felt very sorry about that although I didn't request her for carrying my brother. On the contrary, she required me to give my brother to her carrying. In deed, I was both blameworthy and was pity on her. After that, all remember of her house looked at me with cold eyes but she was still a good friend of me.
I never forgot how we shared every of sour green lemon with each other. I still remembered she helped me cut grass to feed rabbit every evening. We both did and told together. No matter where she went, she took me following. She considered me a real closed friend and I was grateful for all her mercies to me. All of words couldn't describe my love for her.
A few years latter, her parents were richer due to selling ground. They became businessman and businesswoman. And the more time passed. The more they were rich. Little Fourth was also more beloved of all than ever before. However she was still modest and closed to me. But many people tried their best to good impress her, I felt myself being about to have a distance with her. Moreover, I had no way to conquer her love as the other. Therefore I retired into my shell when the others were around her. There was the time; she took me coming to our friend to play game. Reaching the friend's house, she said me "Go out", she only invited The Little Fourth. I got angry; I just came back my house. The Little Fourth hastily held my hand and told me not leaving. She said she would request the friend let me play with but I came out my hand and went off. From that day on, I didn't often go out my home any more, except that The Little Fourth called me.
Soon after, the family of The Little Fourth moved to urban to live. We were gradually a part although I didn't want. Sometimes I met her again but long time no sees her, I felt ashamed and embarrass to see her. I didn't know what to say with her when I met her again. Every time, she returned old village, I only saw her from far distance through a series of fence. In three years within from the day she went off to urban, she often sent me greeting card in New Year. But two in three times, I didn't send her a greeting card again. And for gradually, she didn't send me anything and me too. We became two of strangers. From bottom of my heart, I am very sorry about that. I was stupid, I don't know how to connect with her again although sometimes we saw each other.
The Little Fourth probably thought that my love for her faded out in bygone day and I don't need her any more. Only I does know that I still miss her so much when she appears in front of my eyes. I feel delighted for her becoming a good friend of me. I'm grateful to her for being on my side in the childhood. Only when I die will I forget her.
Slippers of my father
Before bringing my father to lie at rest for ever and ever, clergyman asked my relative burning all of slippers of my father. All of sudden, I sobbed one more time when seeing slippers of father falling down to the fire from a certain person wearing me a mourning headband . Within these of slippers, all was broken down with a crack in front of head and full fill mud stain.
When I became mature, my neighbor told me that my father loved books and school very much. But his dream couldn't accomplish due to war. Moreover, my uncle died at young age, my grandma felt agony. She urged my father should got marriage because she had only father as unique son. My father had no way to refuse. He obeyed his mom to please her. From that time, he said goodbye with books to step down in the rice field.
My father always worked hard in the rice field. When coming back home, he was tired with gasp. He often leaned on the front column of my house to relax. My father's clothes was wet with sweats as if he had no time to wipe them after talking bath. My family was a little of poor therefore he had to save to bring up my brothers and me. He ate a little and let us to have more.
When we entered University, my father was too economical to refuse buying slippers for him. He recycled slippers from two my brothers. There was a time, my mother asked me buying my eldest brother a pair of shoes. But he refused to wear them because they were out up date. For this reason, my father had the pair of new shoes to attend parties.
The last time, my father took me to bus station to catch bus coming to University, his motorbike broke down by chance in a half way. He tried to start it a gain but in vain. He told me to walk for the bus station unless I would be late. I said goodbye to him and went for walk forward National Avenue. At a moment later, I saw the brother of my old friend, he took me to the bus stop. I turned back to my father and saw my father bring his motorbike going home with his hands on home way under the sun burnt down fiercely.
Soon after my father slept forever although I tried to get up him again and again. I wished that all I had happened were only dream but he were stroke and never came back the real world. He departed from this life in silence because he didn't want everybody to worry about him so much.
Amongst clarinet and drum in funeral, I sat motionless by his casket and saw silence his slippers turned into the smoke going with him. These of slippers were companies suffering all miserable of life. They also were fulcrum for my father had enough strength to bring us coming to Universities.
When I gradated from Social Sciences and Humanities, I began to go for work and I saved to buy a new shoes for my father. My father try wearing them. And they were a little big for his feet. I told my father I should carry it to change size but he told that "Not change. Both of them were fitting on your eldest brother"...
Even it's the last time in his life, he left the best thing for his offspring.
Thu Ba
Thank Thu Ba for your stories.
The one thing looks quite strange in your writing for me. You haven't used continues and perfect tenses in your story at all. So this is one of the clues how to improve your writing skill.
I'm not native speaker, but I could try to provide some examples based on your writing if you like.
Hi,
as I was reading your writing, I feels kind of choppy? Maybe try to connect them somehow...with conjunctions maybe?
Thank you for your advice, Carly Chan and Kooka. I have began to write essay. It's sure that I make a few of mistakes. I will try to revise them, Carly Chan.
I'm very nice to receive your comment.
Both of us were the only daughters in our family, and our two families lived next door to one another. At that time, our two families were poor. Her mother ... because of children's games, such as tag, jumping rope, and playing house ...
Whenever she was got gifts, she all divided them in half to share with me, even if it was just a lemon or star-fruit. And as for me , I rarely gave her anything because my parents were economical, and therefore they seldom bought me a gift or a cake. -----> Seldom is a good word. Your English is not so bad!! You seem to be very good at language.
There was a time, the Little Fourth was eager to carry my baby brother in her arm. Maybe my brother was too heavy for her to carry; therefore she lost her balance and tumbled down on the ground. My brother cried out , and she also burst into tears because of pain. When she fell down, she was scratched in her face and her knees. I felt very sorry about that, although I had not requested that she carry my brother. On the contrary, she had been the one who insisted that I should give my brother to her to carry . Indeed, I was both blameworthy and feeling pity on her. After that, all members of her house looked at me with cold eyes , but she was still a good friend of me.
It's very kind of you to comment on my essay. You are a good teacher of me in internet. I greatly appreciate your encouraging words: "Seldom is a good word. Your English is not so bad!! You seem to be very good at language". I myself promise that I will try more and more!
