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Posts by Jduran9
Joined: Nov 27, 2009
Last Post: Mar 18, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States

Displayed posts: 6
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Jduran9   
Mar 18, 2010
Undergraduate / Ecology, my essay to summer school in Sweden [3]

Hey

These are my opinions:

-Get rid of the first sentence "Ecology...school" you should try to get the reader's attention with the first sentence. Try to be as specific as you can.

-You're using a lot of colloquial words . Show them that you have a more expanded vocabulary.

-Try to specify what "NGO" means.
Jduran9   
Mar 16, 2010
Undergraduate / "born in Nicaragua" & "Bump on the road" [5]

Hi,
I'm writing an essay for UCF and I'm really behind...I need your help guys...
any advices I would take into serious consideration..

Life is not what I expected it to be, I was born in Nicaragua and at the age of fourteen I moved to the United States. Now, I have come to realize the true meaning of the word "obstacle" or just a single "bump on the road".

What defines a person is not its attributes, but how he uses those attributes to overcome life's obstacles. Adaption to a new life in the United States was not an option, but a matter of survival. The Language Barrier has been the obstacle in my personal life, which helped me develop a sense of independence, responsibility, and integrity.

I started in the ESOL (English for Students of Other Languages) program with no basic knowledge in the language, seeing myself with no capacity to express ideas, not even able to ask for a simple favor, I persevered and started staying after school for extra help, and took extra courses in reading, writing and pronunciation. Everything started paying off, for example, FCAT results arrival. I passed the FCAT in one single shot.

Today I'm in the Top 15 of my senior class taking the most rigid classes offered by the school, Vice-President of the Spanish Honor Society club, Ex-Vice President and current historian of Science Honor Society, member of the Principal's student Advisory Committee, a member and tutor of Mu Alpha Theta (Math Honor Society). A well-known Marimbist and World language International Day School Representant, I now believe that I can rise through anything.

Thank You in Advance
Jduran9   
Mar 16, 2010
Research Papers / The role of technology impacting the future schools [3]

Hey
At first, try to avoid the use of words such as; very, I, You, Me, or Big,...words like that..
Also, try to start with some something that gets the author's attention...
Jduran9   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / 'seventy-eight years old' has had a significant influence on you...my grandmother [3]

Hi,
this is the essay I'm working on right now...and I'll be glad if you guys can give me hints or any kind of help...Thanks

My grandmother, who is now seventy-eight years old, has been a unique, an exemplary, and the sincerest person I've known and have had the pleasure to live with. Despite her old age and background, she is a remorseless person. My grandmother had six daughters and four sons, which as a widow with no education, had to raise by herself without any help. She always aspired for jobs with a higher income but the lack of education was an obstacle which she knew she had to overcome. However, she persevered, and learned how to read and write by herself. My grandmother found a job as a teacher and gave her daughters and sons the opportunity of education. Today, all of them have their PhDs as economists, social studies professors, architects, physiotherapists, industrial designers, accountants, and agricultural engineers.

An incessant mother and grandmother, who has taught me the values of accomplishment and commitment, and by her example, has shown me the significance of the word perseverance. My grandmother is my role model, my inspiration, a paragon of a tenacious woman, and a determined seventy-eight years old woman who has fought for what she loves. She's been a positively influent person in my life; "never give up, never forget who you are" she used to say.

As I learned from her, perseverance has played an important role, not only emotionally, but also academically.

Perseverance took me where I now stand, for example, I started in the ESOL program (English for speakers of other Languages), and this program gave me the opportunity to think about my future carefully. The opportunities given at my school such as; tutoring and the rigorous courses offered, altogether with the support of my teachers helped me succeed. Seeing myself like a person who wasn't part of this system, someone who didn't speak English, and someone who had no previous knowledge in any courses, despite all of this, I overcame these barriers and reached my goals. Today I'm in the Top 15 of my senior class taking the most rigid classes offered by the school, Vice-President of the Spanish Honor Society club, Ex-Vice President and current historian of Science Honor Society, member of the Principal's student Advisory Committee, and member of Mu Alpha Theta (Math Honor Society).

..Something else I should add...
Thanks
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