pinkapple
Oct 24, 2013
Undergraduate / UC Prompt "From taking ELD classes for 5 years to taking my first AP class in high school" [3]
My family faced a lot of challenges after they moved to America (from where?).
There were constant financial problems as my dad is disabled. So, my mom found work as a part time alteration lady.
***However, it was these challenges that provided me with the determination and dedication to work hard in school and have goals and dreams, one of which is to be the first in my family to attend college.*** This is a powerful sentence. Make it your opening sentence if you can!
There has been many challenging days and some unexpectedly beautiful days. From taking ELD classes for 5 years to taking my first AP class in high school, I knew I had come a long way from where I started.
One of my biggest struggles in high school was trying to balance my social life and academics. People knew me as the "shy girl" who was afraid to talk (Why?). I tried to overcome this problem by putting my fears aside and trying out for the basketball team. I fell in love with the game, and my second year of playing I made it to the Junior Varsity level(! exclamation point unnecessary, just use a period)
Good essay! Best of luck with your UC admissions!
My family faced a lot of challenges after they moved to America (from where?).
There were constant financial problems as my dad is disabled. So, my mom found work as a part time alteration lady.
***However, it was these challenges that provided me with the determination and dedication to work hard in school and have goals and dreams, one of which is to be the first in my family to attend college.*** This is a powerful sentence. Make it your opening sentence if you can!
There has been many challenging days and some unexpectedly beautiful days. From taking ELD classes for 5 years to taking my first AP class in high school, I knew I had come a long way from where I started.
One of my biggest struggles in high school was trying to balance my social life and academics. People knew me as the "shy girl" who was afraid to talk (Why?). I tried to overcome this problem by putting my fears aside and trying out for the basketball team. I fell in love with the game, and my second year of playing I made it to the Junior Varsity level(! exclamation point unnecessary, just use a period)
Good essay! Best of luck with your UC admissions!