learn that my
maybe: learn how my
my "Russian soul?"
a "Russian soul?"
verb tense incoherent. Try putting everything in past tense except what you are thinking in the present, or still believe in.
soar on the inside
soar inside
If piano lessons can get me sharing what I've learned with a college admissions officer, then a classroom lecture or seminar should not only create dialogue within my own head, but with professors, classmates, and friends on and off campus.
I get that you are trying to emphasize your strength of communication and interaction with others, and through this, acquire more viewpoints, but it's an awkward comparison and can be possibly confusing at first glance (that's all they will do to decide if your story is interesting enough or not)
you want to be to the point, and brief. so my suggestion is that you directly say what you want to say, which is that you will interact with others and gain more viewpoints.
Overall, no big issues, since you chose topic of your choice, you definitely have more freedom.
although encumbered with a few grammar and verb tense issues (you should definitely get this edited by a teacher before you submit) it has a distinct focus and expresses your background diversity as well as internal diversity.
job well done
I just hope that you didn't talk about piano as your short answer, cuz that'll just be redundant, and well, boring.