Graduate / 'What's in my leasure time' -- My 2nd fellowship applicant essay [6]

dear all, I changed the topic of my fellowship essay , but I am still not sure this essay is OK. I need your suggestions. I don't know how to edit my previous title so I start a new one...

the request:
"Describe your leadership, work experience, service experience, or other significant involvement with racial, ethnic, socio-economic, or educational communities that have traditionally been underrepresented in higher education, and how these experiences would promote a diversity of views, experiences, and ideas in the pursuit of research, scholarship, and creative excellence."

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As primary school girl, I was asked to write observation diary and weekly reading reports by my parents. This began with some kind of compulsory, but turned into a kind of habit later. I keep myself up until finished the diary even it was late in the night. Also, these writings ask me to reading regularly and thinking rationally and observing carefully. This continues and benefits me a lot.

Actually, my first research starts with careful observation. During the internship in Professor Guangcai Gong's lab, 2007, occasionally I noticed that the air source heat pump installed in our office blows cold wind about every forty minutes under heating model when it rains. To find out what lies behind, I learned further and found frost forms on the outdoor coil with an ambient temperature at 4℃. The effects that several factors play on frost formation are analyzed qualitatively and verified, however, seldom study measures the quantitative weights of each. Thus, I told Professor Gong what's in my mind and was granted a further study. This study also renders me taste the taste of research. I feel exciting and aggressive in carrying it out when I first got the idea, and later a little tough because I failed after had tried several times. But at the moment I solve the problem, a kind of fulfillment arise. I view myself a heroin. Then, I was troubled by another problem again and get into another turn. However, I like these feelings.

I also get used to read or learn something new in my leisure time because of those writings. I will attend extra courses in other disciplines to kill my leisure time though they are not graded. One is the fundamental introduction to building constructions. And I found this class is rather useful in my later HVAC system designs in the curriculum.

During my presidentship, I held routine discussion weekly, and designed the club program with my fellow and encouraged them. I also feel proud when my fellows are proud of their club. What's more, in the club I get to known with a group of majors at other disciplines. They gave me a better understanding on process occurs in HVAC system, such as condensation and evaporation.

Later as a graduate research assistant in Professor Guangcai Gong's Lab, I also take parts in other projects, such as measuring the field temperature and other thermal propensities of building envelops in paper mills and setting up the initial condition for them, testing radiant panels. But I spend most of my time on studying thermal dynamics, heat mass transfer and numerical system modeling. My recent model for evaporator thrust me into a new open question. As I decrease the size of my mesh of evaporator, the physical changes in it can be described with more details but it also took a longer time to calculate it. Then here comes the question: how many mesh is applicable for an evaporator. And is there any algorithm able to cut down the time cost of calculations? I hope I could find answers in further study.

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Is it a little discursive?
and How should I improve it ?
Please do not hesitate to correct it or to provide advices
Thank you

Graduate / 'May Fate reward your diligence' - do me a favor to check my diversity essy [7]

Could anyone do me a favor to check my diversity essy?
I am not sure this essy is suitable for my application , please give me some advise.
here it is :
'May Fate reward your diligence' His word impresses me and encourages me working hard.
On the first day of the fall semester, 2005, I served as a volunteer guide for the freshmen at the inquiry desk of the student council. When we were leaving at the end of the day after hurrying a whole day in the rain, a father with his young son came to us to ask beds for the night. Hearing his inquiry, nobody responded immediately and there was an embarrassing silence. To break it, I said, 'I will be in charge.' On the way to their aims, the father said: 'May Fate reward your diligence.' In that year I was repaid because of my effort. Except for various scholarships and awards, I obtained the presidentship in my club as well as the membership in the martial art team.

Sometimes fate rewards your effort with not success but failure. At the beginning of my third year I was almost overwhelmed by depression after failing in the martial art competition. For a year, what encouraged me to get through the grueling training was the belief that my hardworking would be rewarded in the competition but at that moment, it was thrown over. To keep away from depression, I forced myself to read desperately. I drove myself to learn new skills, such as FORTRAN, Flash, MatLab, anything latent to excite my neurons. Surprisingly, partly due to my study experience in the third year, I won an internship in Professor Guangcai Gong's lab, where I start my first research. Without the failure, I might not study those skills or thesis. I probably might not receive that internship, let alone writing here for a further study opportunity oversea. Failure may be as worthy as success when it is treat correctly.

Due to the internship, I find it interesting and challenging to build up a convenient artificial environment with least energy input. The internship offers me opportunity to evaluate HVAC systems in paper mills and commercial buildings. But what cheers up me most is that I started my first research on heat pump. Occasionally I noticed that the air source heat pump installed in our office blows cold wind about every forty minutes under heating model when it rains. To find out what lies behind, I learned further and found frost forms on the outdoor coil with an ambient temperature at 4℃. The effects that several factors play on frost formation are analyzed qualitatively and verified, however, seldom study measures the quantitative weights of each. Thus, I told Professor Gong what's in my mind and now the model is finished. With its findings presented in the fifth International Workshop on Energy and Environment of Residential Buildings and The Third International Conference on Built Environment and Public Health (EERBBEPH) Guilin, Guangxi Province, China on May 29-31, 2009, now the paper has been submitted to Journal Applied Thermal Energy under review.