Posts by jeovanshadow

jeovanshadow

Dec 25, 2009

Undergraduate / 'invigorating history' - Stanford (intellectual vitality) - Berlin [3]

I did not find history invigorating before. It was not appealing to me because of the sense that events had happened so long ago, and because I enjoy the more concise, exact outcomes of science which history is famous for not having.

Hey there,
I like your response very much. I just have one suggestion. In the sentence above, I do not think you should include your liking of "consicise, exact outcomes of science". Mainly because it is contradicting to the rest of your response. I can clearly see why you have included it, but i think that the essay will be just as strong with out it. :D Instead of saying.. science is fast.. say.. History used to be slow..

hope this helps :) Thanks for your help.

jeovanshadow

Dec 25, 2009

Undergraduate / Epistemology- stanford supplement-common app [5]

Thank you for the feed back Zhuang Jieyi and Melissa Tojo. I agree with you guys, i was even hesitating to post it up because it might insult someone. Just to let you guys know I decided to write about something else. I don't even think I am answering the prompt correctly, and I don't think i want to risk it. :D Please check my threads to take a look at it. I'll be posting it up on a bit.

Ofcourse Melissa :)

jeovanshadow

Dec 24, 2009

Undergraduate / Epistemology- stanford supplement-common app [5]

Stanford student are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

They strut with lure, speak with charm, and love with passion; girls. Naturally, these possessors of natural elegance are the subjects of every teenage boy conversation and thought. Lately, I've been thinking about why girls think the way they do. Why do girls feel attracted to the high school jock? Through my daily interactions, I began to realize the nature of thought and intelligence in girls. With a copy of Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" and my friends' honest opinion, I have developed a deeper understanding of how female psyche works.

Speaking with my female friends I learned that, at some point in their lives, they wanted to be a princess. Bewildered at their response, I sought for an explanation in Stanford's Encyclopedia of Philosophy. There, I found the branch of philosophy that studies the nature of knowledge, Epistemology. I began to understand that almost immediately after birth; girls are inundated with advertisements and customs that dictate their development. The perfect girl, by society's standards, is found in billboards, television ads, and movies. I thought that most parents guarded their children from such advertisements, until I watched Disney's "Beauty and the Beast". Children's movies have a more profound effect in girls' psychological development and are immune to a parents' radar. My friend, Nancy, confessed that she watched "Beauty and the Beast" multiple times in her toddler years making Belle her idol. Upon analyzing the film, I found that Belle is depicted as a slim, fair skinned, attractive woman with long eyelashes who is at the mercy of a monster. The message that this film, intentionally or unintentionally, delivers is that girls should endure the harsh treatment of men, in hopes of finding something noble in the end.

No wonder girls go for jocks. They have been hardwired into doing so. Studying how the human mind works fascinates me, and I find new insight with every person I encounter. Epistemology might not be quantum mechanics, but it certainly takes great thought to understand how the complex mind works.

jeovanshadow

Dec 24, 2009

Undergraduate / Maybe the Christians are right. Or the Muslims. Or the Buddhists. - Stanford [9]

Hi Yejin,

I would advise you to, like Ginny said, make it about yourself. You can accomplish this by organizing your essay into a story or narrative. To be perfectly honest, i think it lacks a bit of focus in the sense that I don't understand what idea you find intellectually engaging. Is it science, spiritual, coincidence, or something else? I think that you should stick to the one that you are interested the most and develop that idea clearly.

I hope it helps, and good luck.

I'm doing the same supplement, would you take a look at it?

jeovanshadow

Dec 23, 2009

Undergraduate / "a homeless woman" - Common App Short Answer :) [9]

The weather forecast [[reported]] the arrival of a snowstorm. Dusk was falling and wind was blowing as I hurried back home from school. Passing by an elementary school, I saw a homeless woman crouched in a corner. She was wearing a dirty plastic paper outside her shabby coat [[for]warmth. The temperature was going to drop below zero that night. I could not imagine how she could undergo the incoming [[storm]]. Although she did not ask for money like other beggars did, I gave her eleven yuan (1.5 dollars)[[leaving me with]] two yuan for bus fare. A little surprised, she took the money and thanked me with a warm smile. Returning the smile, I walked away without saying a word. For a month the snow continued to fall. I hope the eleven yuan helped her a little in the freezing winter.

These are my suggestions, I hope it helps.
(140) :)

jeovanshadow

Dec 23, 2009

Undergraduate / the Pacific Ocean, Describe a personal event- common app [5]

Yes that is the one I am reffering to.
Thank you for your suggestions "monkey66". I have taken your advise and practically rewrote the entire piece. I wasn't sure if the reader understood what I got from it. So hopefully this does a better job at doing that. What do you think?

If there's anything i can help you with, please feel free to ask.

I greeted the Pacific Ocean for the first time my freshman year aboard the Exy Johnson brigantine. Coiling ropes with callused hands, I gazed at the grand seascape before me as a sense of discovery spawned in me. Throughout my membership with the Los Angeles Maritime Institute Topsail Club, I devoted my efforts to learning new skills inside and outside of the classroom. In the process, I developed leadership skills and a strong work ethic. Three years later, as I revisit the Pacific Ocean with Topsail, I find the scenery intact; everything but me. Where there once stood a young admirer, now stands a person in charge of his future. Throughout the course of three years, I have journeyed from a curious boy, to a strong leader. I continue to develop my leadership abilities today, and hope to use them in new and challenging environments ahead.

jeovanshadow

Dec 22, 2009

Undergraduate / the Pacific Ocean, Describe a personal event- common app [5]

Hello friends, I'm atempting to answer the stanford suplement short answer that asks to describe an extracurricular or personal event in less than 150 words.

I would really like some feed back. I'm not really sure what i'm doing.

A sense of unbridled freedom besieged me as I greeted the Pacific Ocean for the first time my freshman year. Gazing at the grand seascape, only the sound of rocking waves, splashing with the rhythm of my heart beat, echoed in my ears; no fights, no ridicule, and no stress. At that moment, my mind was free to embrace the beauty of nature. Every creature, from the rigid coral reef to the playful dolphins, added splendor to the world before me. But as the brigantine began to turn, the city came into view. I lay aloft the mast until I had a clear view of the city. Polluted as it was, I realized there was life in it too; life that enriches the beauty of my world. Step by step I climbed down, ready to anchor the ship.