Undergraduate / SAIC Statement of Purpose on yourself as artist [4]

This has really great voice!

I feel some of the sentences are a little wordy though.
Like this one "If anybody really wants to know me it's all in there, full of drawings of the strange things that make me the person I am." This could be shortened to make a more powerful statement. BAM! I think the transition to para. 2 would be strengthened too.

Virtually could deleted from para. 3

I liked it!

Undergraduate / Theinfluence 4 letters have had on my life. [4]

I really like this!

The beginning was a bit confusing though.

I didn't understand "I have never tired correcting this TOEFL mistake. Together, the four letters spell "tray" -just like a breakfast tray." What is a TOEFL mistake? and how does tray fit into your essay?

Undergraduate / Cornell Arts & Sciences -- Interests [7]

Nice essay! I really liked it.

A couple things though.
-The flip-flopping of the tenses was a little disorienting.
-I think you could delete "in conclusion".

G'luck!

Undergraduate / "Learning to balance one's social and academic life", personal essay, common app [4]

I agree^.

I think you're just trying to tackle too many concepts in this essay. I found that centering my essays around an anecdote help me focus on a couple ideas.

Undergraduate / 'expensive job training' - Yale supplement-- why us? [6]

Thanks for the help guys!

Here's an edited version. I tried changing the near cynical tone I had before.

The prospect of a renowned faculty, Gothic surroundings, and snow makes me giddy, but what really draws me to Yale is its insistence upon a place for exploration. This freedom is evident in Yale's broad distributional requirements, 'shopping period', and even its approach to music, focusing on the entirety of music- theory, history, composition, performance- rather than a narrow facet. Yale will allow me to become a musician without relinquishing my academic interests, my individuality.

Undergraduate / 'expensive job training' - Yale supplement-- why us? [6]

Oh whoops sorry, I meant 500 characters.

Thanks a lot!

Undergraduate / Music - MIT - what do you do for pleasure essay [2]

Instead of de-stress maybe unwind? or relax?

Blaring loudly

I felt the sentences were a little bogged down with extra words. ie "to be precise" tripped me up a little.

Anyways, I hope this helped!