Undergraduate / Common App Short Answer - Xiangqi (Chinese Chess) [6]

delete "value mistake" or move it before "value...." if you would like to.

Undergraduate / "Born in China mainland" - Dickinson essay [10]

delete "myself" at the end of first paragraph, my 朋友.

Undergraduate / 'Leaving Singapore' - URichmond Supplement Essay - Leaving the comfort zone [3]

You basically conclude my story of life!
I have the same experiences you mentioned. I haven't seen you common app yet, and I didn't write this kind of story on any of my essay, but I would highly recommend you use this for your common app, as it is more general and can be used for other colleges as well.

Undergraduate / Melinda's condition led to my interest in science; Why I choose Bioengineering. [8]

I have been suffer the same symptom as well.The essay is simple, and that is what makes it shines! I really like the non-pretentious tone, and the essay focuses on the top. The ending is remarkable.

However, I have see many essay like this kind. So, in order to stand out, you need to focus more on describing you internal reaction. Quote Hillary Clinton, "don't tell me, show me."