Undergraduate / UNC Essay - Expressing My Inner World [6]

1. People find many ways to express their inner world. Some write novels; others paint, perform, or debate; still others design elegant solutions to complex mathematical problems. How do you express your inner world, and how does the world around you respond?

I slowly raise the silver mouthpiece to my bottom lip and experience the familiar, calming sensation of the cold metal against my skin. My mouth tightens into a practiced embouchure, the reward of years of rehearsal. The first strains of breath leave my body and seamlessly transform into sound. Suddenly, the knot of nerves untangles in my stomach and I am engulfed in the rich vibrations echoing to the ceiling.

The once nerve-wracking gazes of the audience pass by unnoticed as I am absorbed into my music. Each quick intake of air warms my throat and my lungs feel pleasantly expanded, as if they awoke from a sleep to stretch their drowsy bronchioles. Each finger grazes over the subtle indentations of the keys, somehow finding the intended niches.

My mind floats into space and my heart takes over. The emotion I have been bottling inside bleeds into my sound and reverberates in my notes. Embracing the exposure, I allow my feelings to color the music. With each pulse of vibrato, I dig deeper to contour the phrases of notes. Passion builds as the pitches ascend, climactically releasing with the concluding sustain.

The final note lingers in the air as I lower my flute. The applause gently draws me back to reality. My performance was not perfect, but I derive a feeling of accomplishment from the authenticity that I poured into each piece. Even more rewarding is the inspiration that I have fostered in the beginning flutists who watched me- inspiration identical to that which was once graciously given to me.

I'd appreciate feedback on the content, structure, etc. I'm particularly wondering how the ending fits with the prompt? I know it's a little cheesy, but I was trying to include something about how the "world responds to my expression" in order to address the entire question.

Thanks! :)

Undergraduate / BU: Defining myself with passion for life, sense of humor and dedication [2]

I'd really appreciate feedback on content, grammar, etc. I'm particularly concerned if the 3rd paragraph is too silly and unprofessional...

With my passion, humor and dedication, I can contribute to a positive, progressive attitude to the BU community.
My passion for life is a defining characteristic of my nature. I feel an intense draw towards adventure, risk and excitement. I choose to explore the overgrown trail while hiking, or to drive a couple of miles further into a different part of town just for the sake of seeing it. To me, enthusiasm for life doesn't mean sporting a perpetual grin or an unwavering positive attitude; rather, it is displayed in one's ability to enjoy and to engage, no matter the situation or environment. My passion for life will impact the Boston University community on a personal level, by inspiring the friends and peers that I share my eagerness with. On a larger scale, my passion will lead me to participate in a variety of activities, such as studying abroad or joining intramural sports teams, for the sake of trying something new.

Another quality that identifies me is my sense of humor. I naturally see the humor in situations where others might be overwhelmed with awkwardness. When my friend and I accidentally attended a burlesque show in India because we were under the impression that it was a cultural dance performance, I broke into hysterics. Instead of squirm at the strange display, we simply left and reminisced on the humor of the mistake for the remainder of our trip. Though I am guilty of laughing at some inappropriate moments, I feel that my ability to see the comedic quality of life is a blessing rather than a curse. One of my favorite feelings is the euphoria of genuine laughter, and I seek to spread it the best I can. My sense of humor would contribute to the BU community by spreading a positive attitude. Though academic dedication and hard work are important, laughter and enjoyment are equally significant and contributive to success.

I am also characterized by my dedication to pursue my ideas and bring them to fruition. When a particularly interesting idea strikes me, I prefer to follow it instead of letting it float away. My junior year, I comically discussed with my friends the Lumberjack Club that Louis Stevens starts on one episode of the silly Disney show, Even Stevens. While my friends dismissed the idea as ridiculous, I continued to think about the appeal of a school club that would meet only to eat pancakes and discuss lumberjack culture. While this foundational idea was far-fetched, I eventually polished it into a potential club where students would participate in outdoor activities like hiking and fishing (and possibly enjoying some pancakes, too). In my senior year, I finally brought this idea into being through the creation of Wilderness Club. Though it stemmed from a fanciful discussion, Wilderness Club is now a legitimate organization that serves to unite students and build an appreciation for nature on campus. At BU, I could use this same dedication and innovation to build new organizations and bring unusual ideas to life.

Undergraduate / Johns Hopkins Supplement - Why Public Health? [4]

1. Write a brief essay in which you respond to the following question.
(freshman applicants only): Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this supplement, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

The glow of my computer screen illuminated the dark living room as my study of page after page of majors extended into the early morning hours. The lists were both fascinating and daunting; yet, I longed to lay my eyes upon that one magical major that would determine the path of my life. But I never found that perfect major; no such option exists for me. It took some time to realize, but I have come to terms with the fact that I have only vague ideas of "what I want to be when I grow up". Though my choice is hardly concrete, with exploration, introspection and a little bit of audacity, I settled upon the idea of studying Public Health.

The study of Public Health appeals to my desire to later pursue a career in Health Services Administration, while complementing my interests in statistics and service to society. Public Health strikes me as a major that will not only serve as a solid foundation for my future studies, but will interest me with concepts of the use of biostatistics in the health field. My current experience as an AP Statistics student has provided me with an interest in statistics and its unique manipulation of numbers to create qualitative information. Though I am not a passionate math student, studying Public Health could allow me to pursue statistics in a different, innovative way. Public Health further fits my interests because it encourages work in a field that contributes directly to the betterment of society. Studying Public Health can lead to a career that will be driven with a purpose: a goal to improve the lives and health of others.

My choice to study and pursue Public Health isn't absolute. However, committing to study Public Health is a potentially beneficial push out of my comfort zone that I hope to pursue as an undergraduate student at Johns Hopkins.

--- I'd love some criticism on content, grammar, etc. Thanks! :)