Undergraduate / "Football story" - U of Illinois [3]

I think this one needs work. If you guys can make things happen please be my guest.

Essay 2: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

Leadership is one of my top qualities as a person overall. If there were a description of my personality, leadership would be a proficient word alone. My natural leadership ability really worked well for me when I played the quarterback position for the Harper College football team. I initially chose football because it is my favorite sport and once I learned that Harper had its own team, I was sold.

It was in mid-August, the weather was hot and humid. We were all padded up from head to toe and in our sweat drenched jerseys. Although we were beaten from the weather, it was scrimmage time, our favorite part. We, as an offense, liked to call ourselves "The Good Guys." My offense lined up in formation as I stood tall behind the center and gazed out at the defense. Every player I stared at expressed determination in their faces. I read the pre-snap coverage, and directed my players as I made an audible to exploit the defense. I snapped the ball, dropped back, and threw a rope to a wide receiver in the back of the end-zone. The whistle blew as my coach signaled touchdown with his arms. That single moment erased all doubt as to who the leader on the field was.

I continued playing football because it helped hone and develop my leadership ability. My leadership played an enormous role in that particular touchdown; without taking initiative and being decisive, the end result wouldn't have been a score for the good guys. I am very grateful to have spent a season playing football with a group of guys dedicated to greatness. Football really built my character as a person because it helped me develop my raw leadership ability and decisiveness.

Undergraduate / U of Illinois transfer application essay: Academic interests [6]

I've already edited this essay a bazillion times and I just wanted that last bit of critiquing before I actually submit it.

ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.

My interest in philosophy can be traced back to my early years in which ancient Greek tunics were replaced with solid diapers and a "why" mentality that would have made Socrates proud. In fact, my adolescent philosophical views on life motivated me to apply my signature proclamation of questioning "why" in search for a prominent and enriching life.

Running away from home can sound bizarre to many, especially when the runaway child was a nine year old boy who strived for a better sense of being. I was very young and naive when I was nine, but how many children are actually mature at that age? I proceeded to pack my backpack up with bologna and an extra pair of socks without any real motivation or direction as I headed outside to venture onto my new life. Reason being, my current life felt empty to me at that time. I made it only a couple houses down and decided to turn around and head back home; because after all, it was unnecessary to leave home. My desire and passion for greatness at such a young age was the facilitating reason for my self-reflective thoughts. Although I didn't realize it yet, I actually successfully ventured onto a new lifestyle and a new passion - philosophy.

Fast forward about ten years later and being formally re-introduced to the subject of philosophy, I was hooked instantly. My brain was the pioneer and the subject of philosophy was America. The art of grounding and exploring so many diverse topics was the real focal point of my attraction to philosophy. Stumbling upon the subject of philosophy at the age of nine was the result of an unsuccessful runaway attempt. I am proud of myself for being naturally passionate about the subject.