Undergraduate / BU supp essay -- who I am in three words. [7]

Hey, e'r'body, I am looking for some input on my BU essay. It's my favorite realistic school (second only to an ivy, haha. Anyways, i made two (kind of) i feel the first one gets more to the point, but the second once captures me more. Also looking for a little grammar help. There are also some things that i'm not sure I should leave in or not. tell me what you think! ANY AND ALL feedback is GREATLY appreciated. thank you~ here it is:

prompt:
In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

friendly, involved, and dedicated

Three words that best describe me are friendly, involved, and dedicated. I'm a corky, funny guy who loves having fun and getting to know new people. I have a unique sense of humor, and I'm not afraid to try new things. I make new friends often, and I treat each and every one with love and respect. Recently, my classmates and I went on a four-day retreat called Kairos. Kairos was an opportunity for everyone to share their thoughts and feelings with each other. I bonded on an extraordinary level with my forty-eight fellow retreatants. It was an amazing experience that allowed us to become a true brotherhood. Kairos taught me to be completely honest with myself and others, as well as to cherish every single relationship that I have. I try to foster new relationships and make new friends every day.

Aside from being a friendly person, I am also involved. I'm active in several extra-curricular activities at my school. Being involved with my school allows me to pursue my interests and even make positive changes around school. For instance, I am currently working on a proposal to get plastic recycling at my school. After school activities also allow me to interact with people like underclassmen whom I normally wouldn't be able to meet otherwise, as well as spend time with friends whom I don't see very often throughout the day.

I also volunteered at my local library over the summer, and am currently volunteering through the York Rescue Mission and at a local retirement home. Volunteering is an amazing activity that has given me the opportunity to give back to my community, and has allowed me to learn from people of all different backgrounds.

Though I am so involved with my school and community, I am still dedicated to my family. I have two little brothers who are three and five years old. They mean the world to me. I try to be as big a part in their lives as I can. As their older brother, I have a responsibility to set a good example for them. I read to them daily, work hard in school, and try to be the best person I can be. My dedication to them motivates me to be dedicated in everything that I do.

By getting along with other students, becoming involved in the BU community, and bringing my dedication to everything I do, I will help the BU community come closer together and succeed in any task set before us

(really tremendously dislike the last sentence. help?)

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Okay, here's my second thing that i typed up. You're going to see some same/similar sentences throughout:
Prompt: see above

After nights and nights of slaving over a hot laptop, pouring idea after idea onto a word document in search of that which can decide my future; I have finally found the three words that epitomize what it means to be Scott Shaw. I am a friendly, caring, and dedicated person. I'm a major dork, but in a good way. I have a unique, corky sense of humor, and I am not afraid to do what I love, even if it means looking silly in front of other people. I am outgoing towards everyone. I make friends easily. My funny personality attracts people. I love to get to know people and try new things. I'm active in several extra-curricular activities at my school. Being involved in my school has helped me pursue my interests and causes that I care about. Even to the point of being able to make positive changes around school. For instance, I am currently working on a proposal to get plastic recycling at my school. My after-school activities also allow me to interact with people like underclassmen whom I normally wouldn't be able to meet otherwise, as well as spend time with friends whom I don't see very often throughout the day. My friends are very important to me. I care for them very much. Recently, my classmates and I went on a four-day retreat called Kairos. Kairos was an opportunity for everyone to share their thoughts and feelings with each other. I bonded on an extraordinary level with each of my forty-eight fellow retreatants. It was an amazing experience that transformed us into a true brotherhood. Kairos taught me to be completely honest with myself and others, as well as to cherish every single relationship that I have. I try to foster new relationships by making new friends as often as I can.

I am dedicated to my family and in everything that I do. I have two little brothers who are three and five years old. They mean the world to me. Most of what I do, I do for them. I try to be as big a part in their lives as I can. As their older brother, it is my duty to set a good example for them. I read to them daily, work hard in school, and try to be the best person I can be. My devotion to them motivates me to work with dedication in everything that I do.

I will contribute to the BU community by getting along with other students, bringing people closer together, strengthening the bonds of the BU family, and working with dedication in every aspect of life at BU.

PLEASE let me know what you think! every little bit of feed back helps!! especially on the second one (because it was sort of rushed)

thank you!!!!! :D

Undergraduate / Common App -- "I even eat all of my green vegetables" [6]

Hiya, I'm just finalizing my Common application essay (as well as writing all of my supplemental essays), and i was unable to meet with my English teacher for a final revision due to a recent snowstorm. I was wondering if anyone could help me by telling me if there is anything i can change, add, or maybe just giving a general revision. Well, here it is:

Prompt: The common application lets the applicant choose any topic they want...

My family and friends mean the world to me. I have two little brothers (Luke and Jake) who are three and five years old. They are the light of my life. Every morning when I wake up, it's them I look forward to seeing. Talking with them, playing with them, and reading them books are the highlights of my day. Even if I've had a bad day, their smiles and laughter make everything better. Also, I know that they look up to me as a role model. I have a responsibility to make sure to set a good example for them to follow. I try my best at school, I help my parents as much as I can, and I even eat all of my green vegetables at dinner.

In addition, my parents are great. They are supportive of everything that I do, and are always there to give me advice or help me out. If I find myself in a tight spot or need to make an important decision, I know I always have them to turn to. I also have cousins with whom I talk all the time. We tell each other everything. We grew up next door to each other, and were always best friends. However, we moved four years ago, and are now hundreds of miles apart. Even though we've been separated, we communicate as much as possible and see each other whenever we can.

My friends are also very important to me, and we have all bonded tremendously over the past few months. Recently, three of my friends and I went on a four-day retreat through our school called Kairos which was an eye-opening experience. We were all able to share our thoughts, feelings, and life stories without fear of being judged. We learned a lot about each other and ourselves. I also got to know many people whom I hadn't really talked to before as well. I've found that I have true friends all around me, and I love every one of them.

I've become a better person because of Kairos. I cherish every relationship I have, and try to be more outgoing and loving towards everyone. We have a saying in Kairos: "Live The Fourth." It means to try and live everyday like the last day of the retreat, because on that last day, everyone feels loving and accepted. We try to spread that love everyday through what we do and what we say, and that is how I try to live my life. I try to live by this code with my family and friends, but especially to set a good example for my little brothers.