Undergraduate / BU supp essay -- who I am in three words. [7]

Hi again :)

When you transition from the paragraph about causes you care about to your friends who you care about, at first I thought you were starting to describe the next word. You should put these two in the same paragraph and add a good transition sentence such as "Another thing I care about is friendship."

In the dedication paragraph, you talk a lot about your mom. It's good to make the point that you are inspired by your mom's achievements, but you mention a lot of unnecessary details. This essay is about you, and so outside information should be minimal.

Overall, the new version is great! Hopefully you get these comments before you submit, but if you don't I bet you will be fine anyway.

Undergraduate / BU supp essay -- who I am in three words. [7]

Did you change "involved" to "caring" in the second essay?

When you say "corky," do you mean "quirky?"

Also, the second essay has a lot of short sentences. It seems almost too basic, like you couldn't write more complex sentences. There are these 4 short sentences in a row: "I am outgoing towards everyone. I make friends easily. My funny personality attracts people. I love to get to know people and try new things." For those 4 sentences, the essay suddenly becomes boring.

I agree that the last sentence of the first essay needs work. However, you can just use the last sentence of the second essay because it is a lot better.

For the first essay, you talk about two examples of you being involved. I think that expanding more on one of them would be more effective.

I like the organization of the first essay, but the second essay is a little more interesting, especially with the beginning. You need to make the paragraph breaks distinct in your second essay because the paragraphs about being friendly and caring blend together too much. In a way, I think you should mix the two essays together.

I think your grammar is fine. There are no major problems.

Good luck! I'm applying to BU too :)

Undergraduate / Boston University - Why BU? (6 sentences) and 3words that describe you Essay [7]

Are you writing one paragraph about each quality? If so, I cannot tell which paragraph matches up with which quality.

The first paragraph makes you sound a little conceited. I know your trying to write about yourself in good light, but saying that people adore you seems like bragging.

This sentence is difficult to handle: "Everyday afterschool, I spend time assisting my peers with their work or no one requires help, I assist the teachers in their day's work." Maybe rewrite it as "Everyday afterschool, I spend time assisting my peers with their work. Or, if nobody requires help, I assist the teachers in their day's work."

This sentence is a little confusing "More importantly, I learned about the different levels of society as I advanced through these different courses." Are you saying that difficulty of class correlates with level in society? You might want to clarify.

This is a good essay, but I think it doesn't flow as well as it could.
The why BU short answer is just fine. I do not think you need to focus on it too much.
I hope you found these comments helpful, and I'm sorry if you did not.

Undergraduate / BU supplement: Three words that describe me (dependable, obstinate, analyst) [4]

Hi, I'm glad you found my comments helpful :D
I'm actually writing this essay too, so I know it's kind of a pain in the butt.
And I just realized I can use red to suggest things...

Overall, this is a good essay. It's organized and has concrete examples that show why these characteristics define you. I feel like I know you better after reading this. Again, some of these comments might not make sense and you don't have to use them. And thanks, helping you helped me write my own! :)

Undergraduate / BU supplement: Three words that describe me (dependable, obstinate, analyst) [4]

I like that you repeat the three words that describe you at the beginning of each paragraph, but repeating them both at the beginning and end or each paragraph is overly repetitive.

This sentence is a little odd: "I understand it is a long difficult path to walk on but I will keep on going until the time when I realize I have to walk on a different path." You need a comma after "difficult to walk on" and maybe remove "the time when" because it sounds better without. Also, you sound like you are most definitely going to change your path. I am not sure this is negative, but I wanted to point it out.

When you say "I am an obstinate dependable analyst, who trusts myself" you should say "herself/himself" instead of "myself."

For this sentence: "I listened to my teammates' problems and give them advices to make our team better as a team" use "gave" not "give" to keep the tenses consistent. Also, "advices" is not a word and maybe get rid of "as a team" because "team better as a team" sounds a little awkward.

Maybe rewrite this sentence: "I am a dependable, obstinate analyst, who listens and respect other's opinion to make things into one" as "I am a dependable, obstinate analyst, who listen's TO and respects others' opinionS."

Lastly, you might not be focusing enough on the second part of the prompt. Maybe you could more fully explain how you will use these characteristics instead of why you chose these three words.

You might not agree with my comments, but I hope they helped! :)