Undergraduate / COMMON APP ESSAY-- VOLUNTEER TRIP TO INDIA [5]

please help and give me honest advice on my common app paper..
are there any ideas that are obscure? any that i can cut (its 840 char)?
i'm sending this to 10 schools, so this would help me ALOT.
Thank you!

"Jen, stop complaining. Why don't you compare yourself to those less fortunate than you? Never in your life did you have to chiku. Why don't you volunteer in some poor areas in the world to see how others live their lives?" In Chinese, chiku literally means to "eat pain". But in other words, my mother was saying how I've never experienced any suffering. Sure, I've lived a sheltered life. But are you kidding me, mom? I thought. I've seen scarred beggars on the streets. I mean, I have dealt with pain too! I was teased by mean girls at school, had my heart broken, and gotten stitches on my head in second grade from rollerblading. So just to spite her, I said yes and went off to India to teach English through an organization I found online. I was confident that the sufferings I will face will be nothing new.

As I entered the school gates for the first time, the children, seeing a foreign volunteer, waved enthusiastically and greeted me "dee dee" which means "older sister" in Hindi. Then, they rushed towards me blissfully and started tugging on my pants and pulling my hand, begging me to join in their games. Wow. Okay, aren't these little kids supposed to sit in neat little rows like the photo shown on the website?

I admit it: I was scared and overwhelmed by the chaos in the playground. I felt like mere entertainment for the children-a doll they could tug and scream at. Thankfully, the principal of the school came to tell me that I only had to "supervise the kids until the teachers come."

After three hours, the teachers finally arrived (I found out later that there were, in fact, only three teachers who served the entire school of about 250 children). They looked at me with sighs of relief-as if I were their life buoy in this surging sea of children. Although I was told to be a teacher assistant, I became the sole teacher, for they rarely showed up to class after my first day. The three hired teachers just sat outside sipping Chai tea with their pinkies up.

At first, I sulked, not wanting to do this chaotic job. But after noticing the children's poor conditions, my attitude slowly softened. I mean, these children were deprived. They carried their one-inch sharpened pencils and their dog-eared and water-beaten books in a burlap sack that once held rice. They also have obvious signs of injuries. One girl pointed at a lump under her chin; a boy showed me one of his fingers that had been cut off. How can I have previously expected these children to sit in neat little rows like the school displayed on the organization's website? These children probably had so much more to worry about than their behavior at school!

Slowly, the children unveiled to me their vulnerability and desperation under their happy façade displayed at the playground. Some of them were so keen on learning that they pulled me aside during their recess to learn how to spell their names in English. They obviously were chiku-ing, as my mother would have said. I wanted to help them; I wanted to compensate the attention that the teachers weren't giving them. But I have to admit that it was very difficult to accomplish because of the concrete language barrier between the children and me. The children repeatedly searched my eyes urgently with theirs that were willing me to understand, looking for a hopeful answer on my face. Looking in their hopeful eyes, I felt so helpless and frustrated at times. It's like watching a war from behind a glass dome-seeing and feeling pain, yet not stopping it. I wanted to help them so much, but sometimes, I could only reply with something they understood-"me Hindi no." Seeing the desperation and pain in their eyes, I, too, felt their pain. I wanted to drain their pain and give them my happiness instead. I wanted them to have the security and happiness I had as a child.

My mother was right about me: I have never had to chiku. I never had to go through the same type of insecurity as these children when I was young. All this time, I have been feeling like Superwoman just because I have survived the shallow troubles of my life, when really, these children are true heroes for acting with such patience and endurance through troubles much greater than mine. How could they possibly live with such troubles yet still manage to remain optimistic? They were still cheerful by the way they laughed and played with one another. Seeing the children's unmistakable courage, I don't think any troubles in my life are worth complaining about. I'm so thankful to these little heroes, because without them, I would still be self-pitying and blind. One day, I shall go back to India to change more children's lives the same way those little heroes have changed mine.

Undergraduate / NYU SUPP-- 2050 movie, short poem, why NYU [7]

Please help me with my NYU supplement!!
NYU is my very first choice, so this is really important.. tell me what you think!

In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.

Wanting to immerse in a culture very different from my own, I went to India to teach English for a month this past summer. I spent my days interacting with my Indian host family and the children of a nearby school, who gave me an insider's view into their culture and tradition. As cliché as this sounds, they really inspired me to live my life differently. Not only was I able to help others in this uplifting experience, but I also learned to look at the world from a different perspective.

Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.

Her days that will now start with accelerated rainbows. She will finally breathe, for she needs excitement. She will bathe in the pungent smell amidst sounds of dissonance. Caricature painters will welcome her with buy one get one free! "Enjoy your stay in New York or wherever your final destination may be" Now, there's no turning back to those days Those painful days where she sat waiting for the hands of a clock to crawl. Now, her wings are beating for a new start.

She looks out the windows of the plane imagining
Her days that will now start with accelerated rainbows.
She will finally breathe, for she needs excitement.
She will bathe in the pungent smell amidst sounds of dissonance.
Caricature painters will welcome her with buy one get one free!
"Enjoy your stay in New York or wherever your final destination may be"
Now, there's no turning back to those days
Those painful days where she sat waiting for the hands of a clock to crawl.
Now, her wings are beating for a new start.

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

Flashback to 2009.
Workaholic Jen Chan lived a perfect life as HSBC's financial manager until her boss tells her that she must take a paid vacation. But she didn't want to-her fun is her work. And moreover, she doesn't know where she would go. One day, while tidying her bookshelf, a photo falls from one of her books. It was a photo of a school in India, where she taught in the summer of 2009. Feeling nostalgic, Jen returns to the school, improving it in a way different than she had 40 years ago.

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

When I was young, I asked my mom, who was obsessed with economics, countless questions about the economy. But no matter how well she explained it, I remained baffled. To decode my curiosity, I signed up for an economics class my senior year in high school. Though the captivating class satisfied my interest temporarily, I want to major in economics to quench my curiosity entirely. So in the future, instead of being the one with the questions, perhaps I can be the one with the answers.

Undergraduate / Common App Essay- People's influence on me- The Little Heroes [3]

Hi guys,
I know its a little last minute, but i really need your help. What do you think of my common app essay? And how can i cut it down? It's a little on the long side... (836 words).

Should i cut it down? Is this interesting to you?

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

"Jen, stop complaining. Why don't you compare yourself to those less fortunate than you? Never in your life did you have to chiku. Why don't you volunteer in some poor areas in the world to see how others live their lives?" In Chinese, chiku literally means to "eat pain". But in other words, my mother was saying how I've never experienced any suffering. Sure, I've lived a sheltered life. But are you kidding me, mom? I thought. I've seen scarred beggars on the streets. I mean, I have dealt with pain too! I was teased by mean girls at school, had my heart broken, and gotten stitches on my head in second grade from rollerblading. So just to spite her, I said yes and went off to India to teach English through an organization I found online. I was confident that the sufferings I will face will be nothing new.

As I entered the school gates for the first time, the children, seeing a foreign volunteer, waved enthusiastically and greeted me "dee dee" which means "older sister" in Hindi. Then, they rushed towards me blissfully and started tugging on my pants and pulling my hand, begging me to join in their games. Wow. Okay, aren't these little kids supposed to sit in neat little rows like the photo shown on the website?

I admit it: I was scared and overwhelmed by the chaos in the playground. I felt like mere entertainment for the children-a doll they could tug and scream at. Thankfully, the principal of the school came to tell me that I only had to "supervise the kids until the teachers come."

After three hours, the teachers finally arrived (I found out later that there were, in fact, only three teachers who served the entire school of about 250 children). They looked at me with sighs of relief-as if I were their life buoy in this surging sea of children. Although I was told to be a teacher assistant, I became the sole teacher, for they rarely showed up to class after my first day. The three hired teachers just sat outside sipping Chai tea with their pinkies up.

At first, I sulked, not wanting to do this chaotic job. But after noticing the children's poor conditions, my attitude slowly softened. I mean, these children were deprived. They carried their one-inch sharpened pencils and their dog-eared and water-beaten books in a burlap sack that once held rice. They also have obvious signs of injuries. One girl pointed at a lump under her chin; a boy showed me one of his fingers that had been cut off. How can I have previously expected these children to sit in neat little rows like the school displayed on the organization's website? These children probably had so much more to worry about than their behavior at school!

Slowly, the children unveiled to me their vulnerability and desperation under their happy façade displayed at the playground. Some of them were so keen on learning that they pulled me aside during their recess to learn how to spell their names in English. They obviously were chiku-ing, as my mother would have said. I wanted to help them; I wanted to compensate the attention that the teachers weren't giving them. But I have to admit that it was very difficult to accomplish because of the concrete language barrier between the children and me. The children repeatedly searched my eyes urgently with theirs that were willing me to understand, looking for a hopeful answer on my face. Looking in their hopeful eyes, I felt so helpless and frustrated at times. It's like watching a war from behind a glass dome-seeing and feeling pain, yet not stopping it. I wanted to help them so much, but sometimes, I could only reply with something they understood-"me Hindi no." Seeing the desperation and pain in their eyes, I, too, felt their pain. I wanted to drain their pain and give them my happiness instead. I wanted them to have the security and happiness I had as a child.

My mother was right about me: I have never had to chiku. I never had to go through the same type of insecurity as these children when I was young. All this time, I have been feeling like Superwoman just because I have survived the shallow troubles of my life, when really, these children are true heroes for acting with such patience and endurance through troubles much greater than mine. How could they possibly live with such troubles yet still manage to remain optimistic? They were still cheerful by the way they laughed and played with one another. Seeing the children's unmistakable courage, I don't think any troubles in my life are worth complaining about. I'm so thankful to these little heroes, because without them, I would still be self-pitying and blind. One day, I shall go back to India to change more children's lives the same way those little heroes have changed mine.