Undergraduate / Short answer activity--volunteering at nursing home. [7]

Perhaps you could include a specific adjective into the essay, one that best describes you. I feel that it would make your essay more clear-cut and makes the essay more structured.

The essay seems more like an anecdote rather than one that describes who YOU are...

Undergraduate / "I love rugby" and sport - Common App Personal Essay [8]

Ah I see. Thank you so much! I had a feeling that I wasn't focused enough on my essay.. Thank you!

Here's an edited version of my essay. Please feel free to comment!

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

Rugby, the sport which I have played and loved since I was 13, has defined me as a person. The most important thing that rugby has taught me, besides dedication and trust, is passion. I love every aspect of rugby. The sense of camaraderie, the joy of motivating fellow teammates, even the pain of the injuries I nursed. It was this intense passion and love for the sport that motivated me to train hard, in order to win championships. I took this burning passion that I had, and applied to my daily activities. Over the course of my years in school, I felt the need to learn and love whatever I do. I found, to my surprise, that I managed to achieve success in these areas. Passion has always been the fuel for my desire to succeed, and I believe it will be no different in the years ahead.

Undergraduate / "I love rugby" and sport - Common App Personal Essay [8]

Ah, I see. Thank you so much for your input! Anyone else out there? I would like to have more input on the essay..

Undergraduate / "I love rugby" and sport - Common App Personal Essay [8]

There is a limit to how much I can describe, seeing as the word limit is 150.. But thanks anyway! What kind of details do you have in mind?