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Posts by Swifty
Joined: Dec 30, 2009
Last Post: Dec 30, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

From: China

Displayed posts: 7
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Swifty   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / The 'why us' kind of question, Lehigh Essay # 1 [8]

Hey! Thanks for editing mine!

After reading your essay, I realize you must have done a lot of research on this college! that's great colleges love to see that you're putting a great amount of effort into knowing about their college and you sure have done it in this essay. The revised essay looks great cant find any grammar mistake and following after what the last guy said maybe you want to connect the last two sentences as you finish with leading and start with being a role model. If you connect those two it might not be so random.

one more thing if you could help again :)

this link is my NYU supplements. they're very short and I just want a hand with reading through them and seeing if they flow and answer the prompt and show who i am. And if there are any minor grammar details please note them down! THANKS!!!
Swifty   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / 2050 movie title///spending one day with a famous New Yorker//NYU Supplements! [3]

Please help me take a look at the supplements for NYU! My english is only so-so so a helpful hand would be excellent.

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

Start Small
A movie depicting Calvin Lin struggling to get a role in a Broadway show. He encounters rejection every time ranging from a 'no' to an escorted exit by four bodyguards. Sulking as he walks back to his apartment, he ignores an audition advert for a small local musical every time. It is only until his rent is overdue, that fate brings the advert to him. After deciding to perform, an agent agrees to help aim higher. Only after starting small did the road to success become visible.

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)

After marveling at her beauty, I would spend one day with actress Lucy Liu. I would discuss our similar Taiwanese roots, then question how she received mainstream acceptance in Hollywood as a minority. Having her share her journey into Hollywood and to success would be a delightful pleasure. After, we would walk through the streets of NYC discussing her favorite moments in acting, and then after walk through Chinatown gulping some down dumplings, embracing both our American and Chinese cultures.

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

It started when I was seven, watching Star Wars IV with my cousins. I became obsessed with staging my own epic scenes with a cast of me, myself, and I performing every role my creative mind can conjure up. I was driven by my imagination and passion to perform stories and that gradually evolved into acting and theater. My passion grew as I reached High School where I got myself involved into almost all the theatrical productions. Tisch School of the Arts and NYC will have all the resources I require to pursue my lifelong passion.

I will try my best to give feedback to your essays too if you ask me to!
Swifty   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Mulan: Describe a significant experience and its impact on you [4]

Thank you Sam! The prompt is Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

and its common app so technically there is no word limit, but the word count is 784.

Are there any more errors that need fixing?
Swifty   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Northwestern Supplement - The 'Why us' question [6]

This is a wonderful essay

It's very specific on the aspects you like about NU yet it doesn't seem like you're sucking up to them too much

It also shares a bit about who you are so that is great, for example, like the fact that you don't like the fact that greek life doesn't dominate their social life is a great paragraph.

NU would definitely accept you!

do you think you could possibly look over my essay by any chance? my english is not very good and I would very much like some help on it!

THANKS! any further essays you would like me to read please share!
Swifty   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU- 2050 Movie- Life in 10 years? [6]

I like your idea of this topic! I feel like you should elaborate more on yourself and make it more personal. You haven't given the colleges much information about WHO YOU ARE except for the fact that you bring music, art, and friendship to people? More experiences and examples of yourself in this 500 word essay!
Swifty   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Mulan: Describe a significant experience and its impact on you [4]

I would appreciate any feedback of any kind. I especially wish to know if you think my essay is personal or not? Thanks!

Coming from the chaotic crowd were delicate hands holding Mulan programs, accompanied by young voices asking for autographs. With these voices came bright white flashes of the cameras pointed in my direction. At least in my mind, that's what it felt like. Most people would imagine that having a horde of people with pointed pens charging towards you would be a frightening situation, but at that moment, I was filled with surprise, glee and satisfaction. This is one memory that will be imprinted in my mind for the rest of my life: the night of my final musical performance.

Dressed in a fiery red costume with traditional Chinese make-up on, I had dazzled the crowd as the character Mushu from Disney's musical Mulan. Out of all the musicals in which I have partaken, I have to say that this one was the most unforgettable and significant. It gave me renewed hope to pursue my dream of being an actor one day. Prior to Mulan, I considered my aspirations of becoming a renowned star unreachable. However, experiencing the appreciation of the fascinated and impressed audience members seemed to bring my dream just within my grasp. In that moment, I felt like a movie star... I felt like someone important: someone that people would look up to.

The feeling of being a role model is a rare and precious gift not to be taken for granted. I consider it a privilege and responsibility - a sacred mandate that guides my life and promises a brighter future. I believe that the respect from the Mulan audience was a sign that I, myself, should never give up on my goals.

Post-Mulan, I simultaneously went through another moment of self-actualization, when I realized the warm fuzzy feeling I have in interacting with children. Since this production was geared toward children, many families came up to me and asked me for a photo with their kids after the performance. I was so amazed that the audience adored me! I was satisfied and content after my performance, but was not prepared for the heart-wrenching reaction from the children. The parents gave their kind compliments and their children were all seemingly star-struck, stupefied with blushing cheeks and open jaws. Their only other emotion were toothy smiles after I signed autographs for each of them. I believe I have a knack with children because my inner child is still alive and well within me, his existence fervently showing through in my life. Like a child, I enjoy pondering the good things in life for hours as well as living with exhilarating freedom. I express this side of myself most often when I'm with these children. Whether it is when I read to the children at the local Kindergarten I volunteer-work at, or when I joyously play hide-and-go-seek with my adorable cousins, I can always be myself.

Yet, being the quirky energetic character Mushu, I came to realize I am a lot more than just a child and a teen. When I graced the stage with back flips and summersaults, I discovered that I'm very adaptable and can be both mature and childish at the same time. I alter myself when talking to either adults and children and I think they both understand me very well. Learning the choreography for my character, for example, was difficult in action, but through the coaching of the Chinese acrobatic teacher, I matured, and I pulled through. With any obstacle, it takes understanding and time to overcome it, and with goals and a strong heart to achieve those goals, nothing will stand in the way. This furthers my intent of becoming either a teacher, public speaker or fulfilling my ultimate dream of becoming an actor.

Out of the whole cast of Mulan on that particular day, I was the most surprised out of everyone. I was recognized for the first time ever by the thunderous swarm of people offering their insight through their kind compliments and enthusiastic applauses on what my future entails. I learned more about my strengths and goals and watched my uncertain path brightened by the friendly faces that were captivated by my performance. Yet, I know I am far from my potential. I still have much room for growth. I'm sure with additional guidance and discovery, I will find the right path for me and succeed.

I will definitely be going around to help give feedback on your essays!!
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