This is my first draft for a northwestern supplement. I want to know whether i am involving enough aspects, and whether i have gone in depth. Any comments on anything are more than welcome.
Question: What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?
It still amazes me that an experience at a summer camp could have switched my life to a better direction. As soon as I stepped on the assembly circle, about to start the camp season, I was not granted one chance to judge the community. It was just so different; it was too good to be true.
The Camp Rising Sun community, CRS, taught me the most important lesson of my life. I learned to accept people for who they are. Diversity at CRS meant so much more than just 'an international community'. In fact, it was quite the opposite; a community where ethnicity, skin color, accent or culture does not make the difference, but the individuals do. I feel that NU promises the same and true meaning of diversity. NU accepts students for who they are, a main reason that I am drawn to that conclusion is the influence of the equal opportunity and access office in admissions. The other is the famous 'rock', where students are allowed to freely express themselves. When I got to know that NU has a branch in Doha, it was made so clear that another step is taken to promote its diversity. For all these reasons, I admire the administration for their efforts to strengthen the community.
During the past months of research, I have no doubt that NU stands honest for its reputation. I believe that NU offers an academic curriculum that is perfect for me; a vast number of majors and an unbelievable student to faculty ratio of 7:1. I have long looked forward to double majoring in physics and computer engineering, and NU offers me the option to do so, along with highly competent faculty and a big range of modern facilities.
I am proud of the fact that the Greek life does not dominate the social life; the atmosphere at NU allows students to live as they want. Being close to a big city like Chicago can be one of the best values a university can have for me, after my experience at an extremely remote school. When I look back at all the values that NU possesses, I honestly cannot ask for more. I am absolutely certain that I will strive to my fullest potential at NU and live the best years of my lives with many intellectual people.
Thanks!
switched changed my life to in a better direction
taught me the most important lesson of my life.
I would probably not say it was the most important lesson of my life.
During the past months of research
This is vague, was it a scientific research or your research on the school? I know it's your researching of the school, it's pretty clear as I read on but make it clear in the beginning =)
It's a good essay but I think you have room to add a lot more to it. There's a lot of fluff in the first paragraph. Just get to the point that you accepted people for who they are and add more about how NU is special to you.
Thank you!
Here is the revised version:
Two summers at Camp Rising Sun taught me one of the most important lessons of my life; to accept people for who they are. Diversity at CRS meant the exact opposite of 'an international community'; a community where ethnicity, skin color, accent or culture does not make the difference, but the individuals do.
I feel that NU promises the same and true meaning of diversity by accepting students for who they are. A main reason that I am drawn to that conclusion is the influence of the equal opportunity and access office in admissions. NU promotes its diversity by having a branch in Doha, Qatar. I admire the administration for their efforts to strengthen the community.
The McCormick School of Engineering and Applied Science is one the most prestigious engineering schools in the world, offering a variety of courses in different majors; from Artificial Intelligence programming to Digital Image Analysis in the computer engineering department. The school has long been known for the students great achievements and breakthroughs, very recently scientists at McCormick used 'swimming bacteria' to power microscopic gears. The academic curriculum is perfect for me, I am very impressed by the student to faculty ratio of 7:1. I can add another perspective to my education by taking the Engineering and Music combined degree program.
Graduates at McCormick have been known to immediately be employed at the most famous companies that I have been only dreaming about, such as Google, Microsoft, and Apple. The Work experience at achieved at McCormick can be an essential factor to a successful career. I would be honored to study and spend years of my life with the highly competent faculty and students such as Bayram and Delaunay who won the first and second place of the Boeing engineering students of the year.
I am proud of the fact that the Greek life does not dominate the social life; the atmosphere at NU allows students to live as they want. Being close to a big city like Chicago can be one of the best values a university can have for me, after my experience at an extremely remote school. When I look back at all the values that NU possesses, I honestly cannot ask for more. I am absolutely certain that I will strive to my fullest potential at NU and live the best years of my lives with many intellectual people.
I need some final feedback for this, anything to add or remove.ANY GRAMMAR! it would be a shame to have a grammatical mistake... Please, jsut anything! i will review your essays in return ;)
it is a great essay
It tells us some specific things u like about the school
I am impressed...
I think you should cut back on the diversity part. I would say most essays I read mentioned diversity to some extent. It's just so trite.
This is a wonderful essay
It's very specific on the aspects you like about NU yet it doesn't seem like you're sucking up to them too much
It also shares a bit about who you are so that is great, for example, like the fact that you don't like the fact that greek life doesn't dominate their social life is a great paragraph.
NU would definitely accept you!
do you think you could possibly look over my essay by any chance? my english is not very good and I would very much like some help on it!
THANKS! any further essays you would like me to read please share!
