Undergraduate / nova supplement- lesson learned in life- Sunglasses [3]

I absolutely love this essay. It is beautifully written and shows a lot of craft and attention to detail.

The only thing that you should really look at is some of the wording in the second paragraph (the one that starts with Chanel, Ray Bans, Ralph Lauren) is a little too casual for my taste. However it is kind of tricky since your voice in that paragraph is supposed to be very personal and a little on the casual side. The only two words that really bugged me was "nah." and "yeah,"

But aside from that, I think your essay is wonderful, it really is, and it shows that you know how to write very well and it also displays your personality and leaves you a little bit vulnerable to the reader. Very very well written.

Undergraduate / Victorious Little Umbrella Essay - Boston University Essay [5]

My history teacher once told me my first name, Nicholas, is Greek in origin and means "victorious" . My father believes our last name, Ogasa, means "little umbrella" in Japanese.

I believe that with my energetic drive, my whimsical outlook, and an/my open mind,

You are off to a very strong start, and I really like the intro it is very catchy and unique and I think it will really stick with your reader. I didn't do an official word count but i would assume that you are slightly over the limit. One way to slightly reduce your word count is to condense each of your examples of your personality. I think it would also benefit you to include a sentence in each of the paragraphs describing how that word fits your personality how that translates well to BU. Just a suggestion, but I like the conclusion it connects everything, but I believe that you could maybe jazz it up a little bit and tie back your "victorious little umbrella" intro.

Hope this helps!

Undergraduate / Confused - cornell supplement - college of arts and science [3]

I think you are off to a very strong start. You completed the first part of the response by describing your interest in mathematics and your journey towards the perfect score.

However, I think to make your essay even stronger you should reference some of the award winning mathematicians at Cornell and also discuss more about why that math program is so strong and why you deserve to become a part of that department. By doing that, it shows that you have researched the school and the department.

Hope this helps =]