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Posts by nliu91
Joined: Jan 1, 2010
Last Post: Jan 1, 2010
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From: United States of America

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nliu91   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Die, orphan! [7]

Maybe if you included the prompt, that would help.
I'm guessing this has something to do with journalism

encase their articles in gray boxes.
However, my true passion lies in conducting interviews.

Well, very abrupt transition. The prompt may make this make sense, but we don't know right?

Overall, this essay seems to indicate that you're a nice, considerate person. Not sure if thats the message you're trying to go for, but thats what i got. You've also got the point that you love editing, so I'm not really sure what you're really trying to say.

I'm guessing "page editing" means getting rid of "orphans", but maybe you could make that more specific for adcoms who might not pick it up?
nliu91   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / U of Chicago - Supplement Essays - Why Chicago? and Favorite Books. [6]

As for your favorite books:
I'm not really sure if they want lists or an in-depth coverage of one category like you have done. What you have wrote reads great though.

And for "Why Chicago?"

In general, I think you need to do a little bit more research. There's not too much time left, but at least find the program you love about UofC.

It flows nicely, not too many grammatical errors.

As I know the University of Chicago now, I believe that it was made for me.
As I know the University of Chicago now, I believe that the University of Chicago was made for me.
The "it" seemed to read a bit weird.
OR you could just go without that first sentence and just use:
I had gone for months without knowing the University of Chicago existed...

then one day it smacked in the face for overlooking it.
then one day it smacked in the face for overlooking it .
a little redundant i think. considering you already have the first part of this sentence.

My stomach suddenly filled with one too many butterflies and I knew that this is where I wanted to spend the next four, if not more, years of my education.

you really made up your mind just like that? maybe you are really interested in UofC, but perhaps this bold statement should go after a little support. they do like "deep thinkers".

Not only is it located in one of the best cities (a close second to Saint Paul of course)
Not only is it located in Chicago (a close second to Saint Paul of course)
not necessary. perhaps tell them about Chicago's opportunities for business

but it offers a superior business program and exquisite alternative majors, if the first does not play through swimmingly.
They DO HAVE A world-class ECONOMICS program. Maybe thats what you're really interested in.

Other schools that I have looked at only offer one or another of my interests. On top of that, I plan to study abroad, more than likely in Paris, and to my joy the University of Chicago does indeed offer that option.

Be more specific. List their study abroad program if you can find it. Maybe explain what you want to study abroad in?

Community and family has always been a huge factor in my life...
Delete "family". what's after it doesn't match.

When I saw that the University of Chicago had house systems, not only was I thrilled because there would be a community like factor, but also because who wouldn't love to live in a situation that was rather reminiscent of Hogwarts houses.

I'm just a little worried about the harry potter relation. Maybe its a bit trite (overused). I would just check out a particular house, and maybe tell about some house events, and say that you would like to be a part of them. Select these carefully, they may tell the reader a little about you!

I have found the right place at the University of Chicago to do so and it would be the perfect catalyst in my journey.
I have found the right place at the University of Chicago to do so and it would be the perfect catalyst for my journey.

It reads nicely. I like how you address the alumni. However, I would also talk more about your own goals and values, instead of the vague "greatness". Then relate what Exactly at UofChicago will help you attain these goals.
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