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Posts by rockonfreak22
Joined: Jan 2, 2010
Last Post: Jan 7, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

From: United States of America

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rockonfreak22   
Jan 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "my experiences with Kelsey" - Villanova- Lesson I've Learned [6]

Last day help help!!

Asking for help on the last day again, ugh need to stop doing this! please help me out, I'm pretty satisfied with most of the paper, but need help on grammatical errors and the conclusion! It feels a bit weak and I don't want to sound cliche. Advice on how to make the ending stronger will be amazing. Thanks so much!

As you imagine yourself as a member of the Villanova community, what is one lesson that you have learned in your life that you will want to share with others?

"It's all your fault! You did this to me!" My best friend, Kelsey, stood before me with tears of suffering gushing down her face. Stained makeup, loathing eyes, menacing position; everything was warped into high definition. The room was dimly lit, the tension unbearable. We were only standing feet away from each other but it it felt like miles. The words dropped like an atom bomb; deadly and without warning. Silence suffocated my body and I struggled for the right words to respond. How do I reach out to her? What can I do to make things better? Could I handle this alone?

Kelsey and I had been best friends since middle school. We were inseparable, spending every waking moment with each other. My circle of friends consisted of several people, but Kelsey and I shared a bond we couldn't explain to others. We knew each other inside and out. Then out of nowhere, everything changed. Her signs of depression were unmistakable: irritability, loss of interest in everything, weight gain, and recurring feelings of hopelessness. I never expected anything like this to ever happen. In one fell swoop, my friendship shattered before my eyes.

As the signs began to manifest, Kelsey's so-called friends began distancing themselves. Maybe they didn't understand the depth of the situation, but it was evident they didn't want to deal with her. Kelsey wouldn't acknowledge she had a problem, so talking to her parents was out of the question. I was clearly in this by myself. To make matters worse, she was pushing me away as well.

Back in my room, questions, doubt, and even guilt swarmed through my mind, rendering me incapable of action. Overwhelmed by her hateful words, I grasped to assess the situation. My best friend blamed me for her depression and broke down my wall of fortitude; all that was left were the remains, making me feel powerless and vulnerable. As a sophomore in high school, I wasn't ready for such a huge responsibility. But at some point in those agonizing minutes of silence, I reached a verdict. "Kelsey, I'm going to be here for you whether you like it or not!" I was no longer afraid to act. She was my best friend, and I would remain by her side.

The next few months were dreadful. Trifling matters would set her off, escalating small arguments into massive fights. But I stuck with her, and endured everything she threw at me, figuratively and literally. I researched online, encouraged her to call hotlines, and talked to my guidance counselor for further steps I should take. I was determined to help, even if my persistence only made the smallest of differences. Eventually with love and support, I broke through to her: she needed help. She talked to her parents and agreed to go to counseling.

I learned many things from my experiences with Kelsey. For the first time, I faced an important decision on my own. I'm proud that I stood by her and am grateful that she wasn't permanently affected and she took positive steps toward recovery. In a recent conversation with Kelsey, she reflected, "At the time, all your nagging made me want to punch you. But looking back, I realized you were the only one who stuck me with me during all the bad times. It meant a lot that you cared so much about me." What I would like to share with the members of Villanova community is that if you want to bring about change, you must take action. A passive attitude doesn't cut it; change requires hard work, patience, and compassion.
rockonfreak22   
Jan 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "You are perfect just the way you are" - Villanova lesson i have learned [8]

Add more personal stories in the last paragraph that show the real you more. Like: "The ugly armchair in my living room that I hated now had character and history. I appreciated the comfort and support it gave me.. blah blah blah. Lame example, but little quirky stories that show the real you! Oh, I also found the ending to be a bit cliche.

Other than that, I liked the essay! I can relate and feel the same way sometimes, so it was nice to hear your opinion on it.

Good luck! I'm applying to Villanova as well, could you please read my essay? Thanks so much!
rockonfreak22   
Jan 6, 2010
Undergraduate / "my never-give-up attitude" - Villanova: Lesson you have learned in your life [8]

isn't the deadline due by the end of today? the seventh?

I have to agree with Liebe, I found your paper boring. Your writing style shows you have promise, but either the delivery was poor or you need a new, more capturing subject. Or just come up with a better story that goes along with your "overcoming a challenge".

I'm also applying to Villanova, so if you could help me with my paper, that would be amazing. Best of luck to you! I hope that you will be satisfied with your paper in the end.
rockonfreak22   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Boston University 3 words (curious, straightforward, indomitable) [6]

I can't believe I didn't think use this website until the last day. please help me!! i love essay forum and would love to get advice from anyone on how to improve my supplement. THANKS!

Essay #1: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

In order to find the words that best describe my personality, I reflected back to my childhood. What did I discover? As a child, I was curious, straightforward, and energetic. In other words, I was a "spirited child".

Ever since I was little, I have been curious of my surroundings. I was the kid who strayed away from her parents in public places to explore and whose name was announced on the PA system because I was lost. I would have been the gullible child in stories who pressed the big red button that said "Do Not Touch" just to see what happened. Today, I have focused my inquisitiveness toward more rewarding aspects of life. Learning new hobbies or succeeding at school have been embedded into my journey of exploration. My insatiable appetite to discover the unknown has inspired me to take chances, attempt new activities, and to investigate all options.

When I was younger, I would blurt out all my opinions without much thought. I had little self-restraint, and would often get into awkward situations. I had the habit of approaching strangers and asking, "Why are you smoking? That's bad for you!" I would ask large women when their babies were due. But today, I use my direct personality in a more positive way. My peers count on me to say things as they appear, and to not shy away from the task. I stay true to myself, so people know what to expect from me.

I was a kid who was always on the go. My parents could never take me out to restaurants because I could never stay still. There was no stopping me. My energy used to hinder my capabilities to do well in school. But over time, I used my dynamism to become more successful in life. I became more competitive, putting all my vigor into becoming a better basketball player, a better academic student, and a better employee. I have become a strong woman who can face challenges with a fighting spirit without ever giving up. I am driven, motivated, and determined to overcome whatever complication comes my way.

I was a handful as a child, but have now matured enough to use my characteristics in better ways. I took my trouble-making traits with me into adulthood, and transformed them into invaluable qualities that will be useful at BU. My curiosity has sparked my desire to explore, research and take advantage of all opportunities the college and city has to offer. My straightforwardness will show my integrity to my professors, and my commitment and work ethic will be clear to them. My energy will keep me intent on pursuing my passions and achieving my goals at Boston University.

Word count:

P.S. Should I add more about myself now in each category or do you think I have enough? I can take any criticism, so be harsh if needed. thanks again!