Undergraduate / "My greatest fear in life...is wasting it." Northeastern Med School (NEUCOM) essay [5]

Hey,
I really loved the essay and it does convey to the reader how devoted to your dream you are.Good luck.

Writing Feedback / GRE-Should governments solve the immediate or the anticipated problems? [4]

hey, I see how u are trying to be as concise and organized as possible but it is not working for your best interest here.

First of all you said that you agree that governments should focus on immediate issues then you renounced your stand by saying that there should also be governments (on higher level) to tackle anticipated problems.I think this point is weak, you should keep your stand or start with something like: I think that governments should focus on both immediate and anticipated problems putting more effort in solving immediate problems because they are usually more pressing and more urgent ,not to mention having immediate effect on the lives of people .you mentioned that education and unemployment belong to neither one of the two above mentioned categories of problems but in fact they are immediate since they they affect the lives of people largely and dealing with them needs lot of effort and the problems resulting from disfunctional education or long- term unemployment are inevitable .your conclusion needs to be more inspiring and more directto the point.thank u.

Undergraduate / 'Aspirations Never Die' - Statement of Purpose for PhD in computer Networking [10]

persuade is a verb, it can't be used as a noun as used above.you might use motivation or encouragement instead.you should say "my interest in computer science blossomed..."(without was).

in the third paragraph, there is a kind of wordiness and you need to make yourself clearer.
the first sentence in paragraph 5 is a kind of run on sentences which needs to be separated into two or more sentences to be clearer.omit "by" from the FOLLOWING sentence, it will make more sense.

sorry, I couldn't continue proofreading your SOP.

Essays / Twelfth Night Essay Structure [5]

you mentioned disguise but along with disguise you should have mentioned mistaken identity for it is the main element that led to furthering the action and the unraveling of the whole truth when sebastian is mistaken for cesario / viola and vice versa .

Gender roles is a prominent theme also , especially during the 16th century .
another thing famous about Shakespeare also is the introduction of serious characters and their sacrifice in the context of the play ( their being mocked by other characters) for the sake of the comic mood of the play .(orsino)

Undergraduate / "Chicken Curry Sushi" - my common app personal essay [8]

I found the idea of one being a dish with a taste quite original and interesting .
you shouldn't have said that you aren't quite sure about being korean in the next paragraph.
In the conclusion you shouldn't have said your own opinion of yourself,instead you could've said that like food everyone thinks quite differently about how someone "tastes" and noone will know how a certain dish tastes unless try it .good luck!