Could anyone help me out by correcting the grammatical mistakes that I have made in the first draft of my SOP and I believe I am pretty much wordy in writing anyway. any inputs from anyone would be highly appreciated, I would be indebted forever ever...for your xpensive time and effort.
1. Aspirations never die! All my life my aspiration was to achieve excellence in every aspect of my life and I wish to fulfill that target by completing my PhD in X from University of X.
2. I am in the final year of the Masters program, in Electrical Engineering with emphasis on Internet Systems from Blekinge Institute of Technology, Sweden. The background preparation, my research interests, and career goals I have made are enlisted in the sections that follow.
3. At an early age of my life, I had a profound inclination for the cause and effect of events. In particular, during my school and college years I enjoyed studying natural science subjects like mathematics, physics and chemistry more than any other courses. My father is a school teacher whose persuasion was the most vital inspiration for my life to top in the class over the 10 years of my school life. I grew up in Nawabgonj, a tiny village on the western border of Bangladesh. I moved to the city in 1998 from my village, where I took admission in one of the best colleges in my country. My interest in computer science blossomed while I was attending the computer course of my high-school years. It was the time when computer technology had begun to make an impact on the lives of people in Bangladesh. With this course, my interest in computer science grew profoundly and I decided to make my career out of it.
4. Hereafter I appeared in a nation-wide university entrance exam and got the rank of 32nd among 6,500 participants and secured admission in Computer Science and Engineering in RUET, Bangladesh, the most competitive technical university in my country which ranks 2nd position in research and publication and 3rd in standard of education.
5. During my undergraduate studies, I studied on a variety of courses that explore on Computer Networks, Data Communications, Operating Systems, Internet programming, Computer Architecture, C/C++, Network Security and fundamentals of Java. These engineering courses enriched my knowledge of the engineering aspects of networking and object-oriented programming that changed the way I viewed computer systems and software. I completed a few projects (detail in CV) focused on software development, which strengthened my knowledge in the C/C++, MySQL, and PHP. I also attended the Cisco Networking Academy Program (e.g. CCNA curriculum) in RUET that equipped me in the computer networking field.
6. In the final year of my undergraduate, I carried out my B.Sc. thesis titled as "Performance Analysis of Novel Evolutionary Algorithm (e.g. Genetic Algorithm)" that provided me just an opening to be accustomed with the primary foundation of doing research. In this thesis, I implemented a genetic algorithm in C. I used genetic algorithm to search for maximum/minimum value of a given function using the concept of chromes and genes. I tested the performance of genetic algorithm by measuring the number of generations, population size, mutation probability, and crossover probability. Through the BSc thesis I grasped the nuances of scientific method and developed my knowledge in C language.
7. Upon completing my BSc in 2005, my turn was in progress in financially contributing my family. With this in mind I pursued a job and appeared in the exam of the National ICT Internship Program. Then I was interviewed by a software company and selected as an intern programmer. Doing the internship at that software company gave me the opportunity to achieve hands-on experience in software designing and implementation in C++ and VB. However, six months at that company made me realize that further being a programmer in a software developing company was not the sort of career I was looking for.
8. Hence I leaned towards network engineering. I switched my track to be a network support engineer in Aamra Networks Ltd which is one of the leading ISP in Bangladesh, where my work involved providing technical solutions to the customers over phone or via email or in person regarding the various technical issues whatsoever the customers used to face with their network.
It was a great opportunity for me to work in the ISP atmosphere, which further enriched my experience in the computer networking area. I acquired first hands-on experience in networking. My responsibilities included configuring and maintaining routers, switches, LANs, Linux Servers (e.g. Proxy, Web, DNS, FTP, NFS and Mail Servers, Scripting and iptables).
9. In June, 2006, I joined Signal Mountain Networks BD. Ltd (SMN), where I served as a support engineer in their Network Operation Center (NOC). My work at NOC was pretty challenging as I worked 60 hours a week at the night shifts. As a team member of NOC, I provided remote technical assistance to the onsite maintenance team who are in the USA and corresponded with the engineers of HNS, iDirect, AVL, New Edge, Sprint, SES Americom, and ShoreTel concerning their technical issues. During this period of time, I gained skills on VSAT installation, PIX Firewall, DSL, HNS and iDirect Router configuration and installation and achieved diplomacy and tact in all situations to ensure end-user satisfaction, promoted good will of the company.
10. During my professional career, I realized the best way of visualizing the state-of-art technology is to do further higher studies and eventually get involved in the research field. As a consequence my interest to the area of computer network helped me fuel my desire and ambition to pursue an MSc in Blekinge Institute of Engineering (BIT), Sweden. The MSc degree in Internet Systems from BIT has supplemented my work experience in the field of Networking where I have gained high credentials. The TCP/IP, Wireless Networks, Computer Security and Network Management courses including projects and lab works have provided me sound foundation in networking studies.
11. During my MSc, I was involved in several projects, which include FCAPS-based (Fault, Configuration, Accounting, Performance and Security) network design and analysis of the documentation process and development of scheduling systems for Blekinge Institute of Technology using PHP and MySQL. I undertook a research project analyzing the comparative VoIP performance in MPLS over Non- MPLS network. I learned how to work with OPNET simulator and its related packages. These projects enabled me to further pursue my master's thesis in this field. My thesis topic is titled "QoS Performance Evaluation of Real-Time Applications over IPv4/IPv6 Networks by using OPNET". In our thesis work, we presented a thorough analysis of how well QoS (e.g. MPLS-TE with DiffServ support) for real-time applications operates in the IPv4/IPv6 networks. Objective of our thesis was to understand the interaction of EF traffic aggregation, link congestion, the effect of various performance metrics. We analyzed the different queuing schemes for providing lower packet loss and delay when real-time traffic aggregation and link congestion occurs in the network.
12. Aside from my academic life, I regularly participated in various volunteer programs and tried to perform duties assigned to me as a human being with equal respect and honesty.
13. Now as I approach the crossroads of my learning I have absolutely no doubt in pursuing a career in the research arena. The subject of research which interests me very much is QoS in the Wired/Wireless Networks and IPv6. I have found that X is one of the topmost research organizations in the world, predominantly in the computer networking field. I am greatly impressed with the high quality of research being done on Computer Networks in the X.
14. Therefore I believe that the culmination of my undergraduate, master's studies, and three years professional experiences has molded me psychologically and has been an underpinning of immense step up over my analytical skills along with interpersonal abilities, which will play a vital role in helping me get a better exposure in the field of my choice through research. I have conviction that this environment will be ideally suited to realize my goals. In the process I am confident of contributing significantly in the research efforts of the department as well as to the human society.
I think it will be more clearer sentence if you will add that in between preparation and I, because it's better to present it as restrictive sentence.
The background preparation I have made, my research interests, and career goals are enlisted in the sections that follow.
In early age, I realized, I had
Use comma properly. On many places you have missed it out, especially, wherever you have used which. Try to find out, what is difference between restrictive clause and non restrictive clause, then your this problem will be solved.
Another thing, it's too big. Try removing too many technical details and concentrate on what you want to tell. It's good that you have made it big. So, now you are having lot of opportunity to round it off to somewhere around 1000 words or so.
Best of luck, for your future.
persuade is a verb, it can't be used as a noun as used above.you might use motivation or encouragement instead.you should say "my interest in computer science blossomed..."(without was).
in the third paragraph, there is a kind of wordiness and you need to make yourself clearer.
the first sentence in paragraph 5 is a kind of run on sentences which needs to be separated into two or more sentences to be clearer.omit "by" from the FOLLOWING sentence, it will make more sense.
sorry, I couldn't continue proofreading your SOP.
Don't capitalize these words:
Aspirations never die!
recently in the final year of the graduate program, graduating in October, 2010 in Electrical Engineering program with emphasis on Internet Systems from Blekinge Institute of Technology, Sweden.
I think you should add a sentence to the end of the first paragraph. Let it be a thesis statement that tells the central meaning of the whole essay. This will be the most important sentence.
In early age, I realized I had In At an early age, I realized I had...
The best thing to do is add a theme to make this memorable. You are "all business." I would like to have another sentence added the the end of the first paragraph (as I described above), and I hope you'll think about it from a reader's perspective. You can write this is a way that gets the reader feeling excited about her own future, too! You can end the first paragraph with an interesting theme that makes the reader's mind able to really commit you to memory.
I am extremely sorry to say that I am quite late to acknowledge you due to some reasons. Anyway, please allow me to apologize. Thanks a million for your constructive advice.
1. The background preparation, my research interests, and career goals I made are enlisted in the sections that follow.
did u mean like above?
2. I do agree with you that its too long I will cut it down.
3. for the rest of comments I will work on according to your advice.
Once again, Thank You From The Bottom Of My Heart!::) have a great time n tcare.
I am extremely sorry for all the conveniences that you had to experience while going thru my SOP.
I am also for the delayed response.
Anyway I am deeply thnkful to you for your invaluable advice.
I will post my SOP here as I have corrected within myself as you guys have advised.
Plz forgive me and help me by giving yr valuable criticisms.
I don't know how to thank you enough for your effort and time on my behalf that you paid for my SOP review, Thanks a million for generosity anywayz.
Could you plz have look on my new SOP thats posted as follows.
I tried my level best to correct myself. Now I beg your favor thru the followings. Millions of Thanks in advance! Here we go...
Aspirations never die!
I don't like this sentence as it is. I did not know how to explain the problem before. The thing is... aspirations often die. What you mean, I think, is that "Aspirations never die when they emerge from a true calling." ---- a true "call to service" gives rise to indestructible aspirations.
All my life my aspiration was to achieve excellence in every aspect of my life---- this needs revision, too. It is too general. If you have a real calling, it is not just dedication to success in all areas, but in a specific area. I often need to neglect some aspects of life to succeed in others.
It is redundant to say "during my studies I studied..."
During my undergraduate studies, I experienced courses that enabled me to explore
Computer Networks, Data Communications...
Now as I approach the crossroads of my learning I have absolutely no doubt in pursuing a career in the research arena. -- this is excellent, an excellent idea. I would do this, though:
As I approach the crossroads of my learning, I have absolutely no doubt about my decision to pursue a career in the research arena.
Nice job!! Have no fear, your essay is impressive!
I can't thank you enough for your assistance. I deeply appreciate your efforts and time.
"All my life my aspiration was to achieve excellence in every aspect of my life "
I agree with what you said that is absolutely noticeable, ----none can success in every aspect rather can be in a particular field. however I am going to revise it and post it here for your consideration.
"Aspirations never die when they emerge from a true calling. "
"" During my undergraduate studies, I experienced courses that enabled me to explore on Computer Networks, Data Communications""
""As I approach the crossroads of my learning, I have absolutely no doubt about my decision to pursue a career in the research arena.""
These above sentences sound excellent.
Anyways thanks a lot, I like it:):-))
Confusion @Paragraph 3 as follows....
"I grew up in Nawabgonj, a tiny village on the western border of Bangladesh ---where should I put this sentence so that it would connect other sentence very well or not mentioning would be fine?
I moved to the city in 1998 from my village, where I took admission in one of the best colleges in my country. " ---- also I wanted to say like this " my quest for higher education, I moved to the city in 1998 from my village, where I took admission in one of the best colleges in my country-----BUT I am not sure whether or not does it sound good?
Please advise me. Thanks in advance.
It is okay to not mention the place you come from, but you CAN mention it if it helps to make your point. The challenge is to avoid seeming like this is contrived. For example, I am writing at this moment about how to include mention of your home town in an essay. My own home town is a place where I learned to face my fears and control my impulses.
What I just did above was contrived. My mention of MY home town has no place in that paragraph! It is very important to keep things where they belong. Working in education feels right; it is where I belong, and it makes me feel "at home." And when I complete my degree program I would like to return to Nawabgonj so that my career can unfold for the benefit of those among whom I youth.
This -- above -- is not contrived. It is part of what you are saying.
So in answer to your question, the way to integrate various points is to talk about them all as part of your explanation for the MAIN theme of the essay. Anchor all ideas to the main idea.
I moved to the city in 1998 and was granted admission to one of the best colleges in my country. --- I think this way is best, because it says what needs to be said without being too wordy.
I just wanted to say that I can't thank you enough for your support throughout my SOP writing process. I am deeply grateful to you for excellent-expressive comments on my SOP.
So, Again, Thank you from the Bottom of My Heart.:)