Posts by pixie4545

pixie4545

Feb 15, 2010

Undergraduate / "Highlighting the strengths and weaknesses" Commonapp essay..What do you think? [6]

Well I wanted to talk about both my strengths and weaknesses in my essay; and I did know that it is not always 'safe' to talk about one's weaknesses but I wanted to take a chance, and I don't really regret it (well not yet I don't xD)

I know what you mean by a 'high-risk' essay; Prior to posting the essay here, I also posted it on another site for opinions. About half of them appreciated it, while the rest did not like the format and said it would have been better if I had chosen a more conventional format instead. I guess this kind of depends on the personality of the reader.

Right now I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping that the adcoms would appreciate the 'unconventionality' of my essay.

And about my essay being very cliche, fake and forced; well I never meant for it to be like that. I just wanted to tell the adcom about myself and what I want to do in college, both at the same time; so I'd thought this essay might do the job...Arghh its hard to be perfect :(

pixie4545

Feb 13, 2010

Undergraduate / "Highlighting the strengths and weaknesses" Commonapp essay..What do you think? [6]

Well I'm applied to LACs. And wow! different people seem to have different opinions about my essay.Thanks for yours though, too bad I can't change anything now!

pixie4545

Feb 13, 2010

Undergraduate / "Highlighting the strengths and weaknesses" Commonapp essay..What do you think? [6]

I already submitted this essay; I used to think it was great, but now I'm having second thoughts. What do you think? Are there too many grammatical errors? Is it too big? Is the vocabulary weak? Will the unconventionality of the format hurt my chances for admissions?

I know I'm asking a lot of questions; Its just that I'm really worried; ps I asked around a bit, and I didn't get enough good reviews for this essay. :(

Ps Try highlighting the strengths and weaknesses.

Curious:*Faces the video camera and uses a rolled newspaper as a microphone* "Hi! I am Curious, and I am one of the many sides of Upala. Now I am going to interview the rest of her sides."

Curious:*Enters living room* "Let me introduce everyone first. The two girls sitting on the couch are Independent and Optimistic. The girl who is typing on her laptop is Creative. The twins who are taking their coffee are Assertive and Submissive. And finally the girl who is busy playing with her video game is Persevering. Now let us begin the interview." *Turns around* "Okay, everyone I have two questions for each of you. Tell me who you are and how you will help Upala out in college."

Optimistic: "Let me start first. I am the one who tells Upala to look always at the bright side of life. Every time she gets disappointed by friendship, love, failure, losses or by her own actions, I am the voice that tells her there is still hope. I encourage her to live her life to the full. That is why she can be quite hilarious, vibrant and silly sometimes." *Chuckles*

Independent: "My turn now! I am the side of Upala who tells her that she should always follow her heart, and live her life the way she wants to. I make her feel free like a bird with no boundaries in her way. Lastly I help her to embrace herself and not to be afraid of anything."

Creative: *Looks towards the camera* "When Upala was six, she started to paint. She was very passionate about art, and even won a few local and school art contests. However within the next few years, she got exhausted of painting and gave it up. But now I am back in the form of creative writing. With her new found passion, she needs me to write magazine articles. She can express herself through this, and even raise awareness in her community regarding issues like global warming, juvenile offenses etc."

Submissive: *Puts down coffee cup* "I am the side that allows her to respect everyone especially the elderly and authority. She may be an independent girl, but she knows when not to speak her mind."

Assertive: *Interrupts* "However it would be nice to let me step in sometimes. In an attempt to avoid conflicts, she does not always get a chance to voice her opinions."

Submissive: "Well, Upala always prefers to be on the safe side like her mother does. But, maybe she can be more outspoken sometimes, other than in just class discussions."

Assertive: "Yes I would not want anyone to push her around in college."

Submissive: "At the same time, I will make sure you never go too far and get her in trouble."

Assertive: "It looks like we finally know how we will help her out in college." *Smirks*

Persevering: "Wow! You two are actually agreeing with each other." *Chuckles and faces camera* "I am the side of Upala who tells her that if she sets her mind into something and works hard for it, she can achieve anything she wants. She loves challenges, and I have helped her win many- whether it was a swimming contest, an academic challenge, or even a video game. Of course, she can be a procrastinator sometimes. But I will help her to do that less, and make her focus to work hard in college. If she fails and gets hopeless, I can always count on Optimistic. Alright time to finish my game now. *Starts playing again*

Optimistic: *Frowns* "Hey you stole my line! Well all I am left to say is since Upala will be alone in a foreign land; she will need me to get through each day."

Independent: *Interrupts* "She will need me too for that. Since Upala has mostly lived an effortless life, I will have to help her fend for herself. Although she does love the feeling of pride and accomplishment, so I think she will be fine. Moreover, I will also make her believe in herself, and be confident in her abilities. "

Creative: *Yells* "I am pretty sure everyone knows what I plan to do for her in college."

Assertive: "Yes! You want to help her be a part of the college magazine."

Creative: "Correct! Moreover I also plan to make her try out new hobbies like photography and drama."

Assertive: "Well, Good luck!"

Curious: *Takes video camera from Honest and starts videoing her* "Okay your turn! Are you really Upala's biggest asset?"

Honest: "I am not sure. She maybe the kind who rarely lies, but she sees everything too simply. She does not see the point of lying and subconsciously expects everyone to do the same. This can make her gullible and innocent sometimes. However she may change in time. As for college, well since she goes by the motto 'Honesty is the best policy', we can count on her not to get caught lying." *Grins* "What about you Curious? How will you help her out in college?"

Curious: "As usual, I will drive everyone crazy with my endless questions."

Honest: *Laughs* "You will never change!"

Curious: *Turns video camera towards herself* "I believe we are done. I hope you now have
a clear picture of Upala. Thank you and goodbye."

Everyone: *Yells* "Goodbye!"
*Video camera gets switched off*

pixie4545

Feb 13, 2010

Undergraduate / Helen Miers: Someone who had made an impact on my life essay [5]

Oops I made some errors, ignore my first message >__< (I'm new out here)

I remember a day 'when' I was unprepared for both a pre-calculus and physics test; I was walking into choir very disgruntled with my performance on these tests, and was disappointed in myself. Within ten minutes of class she ~~had~~ spotted me....

She may have wanted to see me excel in music; but she also saw my interests in science and business, and did whatever she could to help me excel in these areas as well as me-I'm not sure what you're trying to say here; You can try eliminating this if you want to.

and I am feeling more and more prepared for new challenges ~~with~~ every day.

I agree with Juliachen this essay needs more illustration; but other than that it's a sweet essay. But try to make it stand out more, you know?

pixie4545

Feb 13, 2010

Undergraduate / Helen Miers: Someone who had made an impact on my life essay [5]

I remember a day 'when' I was unprepared for both a pre-calculus and physics test; I was walking into choir very disgruntled with my performance on these tests, and was disappointed in myself. Within ten minutes of class she had spotted me....

She may have wanted to see me excel in music; but she also saw my interests in science and business, and did whatever she could to help me excel in these areas as well as me-I'm not sure what you're trying to say here; You can eliminating this if you want to.

and I am feeling more and more prepared for new challenges with every day.

I agree with Juliachen this essay needs more illustration; but other than that it's a sweet essay. Try to make it stand out more, you know?

pixie4545

Jan 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "more newer things to explore" - Rhodes Supplement statements [8]

thnx :)

pixie4545

Jan 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "more newer things to explore" - Rhodes Supplement statements [8]

As for this question: How were you influenced to apply to Rhodes?

Many aspects of Rhodes like the financial aid package for international students, the business academic program, the extracurricular activities like swimming and college magazine, and the fellowships influenced me to apply to this college.

So what do you think?

pixie4545

Jan 25, 2010

Undergraduate / "more newer things to explore" - Rhodes Supplement statements [8]

thanks for the help :)
but aren't there any errors in my statement? maybe like grammatical mistakes?

pixie4545

Jan 25, 2010

Undergraduate / "more newer things to explore" - Rhodes Supplement statements [8]

Question: Why Rhodes? Please give us a brief explanation of why you are considering Rhodes.

Since I live in a faraway country, I did not get a chance to visit Rhodes College or to know what it is really like. However, I am still confident that Rhodes is my 'perfect college'. Apart from its academic reputation, diversity, generosity with international aid, many extra curricular activities opportunities and internship prospects, the features that really makes Rhodes stand out for me are its Honor Code, Standards of Community Life and fellowships.

Since I live in a faraway country, I did not get a chance to visit Rhodes College or to see what it is really like. However, I am still confident that Rhodes is my 'perfect college'. Apart from its academic reputation, diversity, generosity with international aid, and many extra curricular activities opportunities, the features that really makes Rhodes stand out for me are its Honor Code, Standards of Community Life and fellowships.

After I read the Honor Code and Standards of Community Life, I instantly wanted to belong to such a community of high principles and integrity. At the same time, I felt assured that if I enrolled, Rhodes would welcome me wholeheartedly and help me adjust to a new culture.

Next I learned more about the fellowships, and about how they prepare the students for the real world. I grew confident that Rhodes would provide me an excellent opportunity to enhance my skills in the marketing field through its outside study and internships.

All of these characteristics make Rhodes very unique and appealing compared to other colleges I know. They signal that Rhodes has more newer things to explore for each of its students. This is why I choose this college, and I believe that if I get enrolled Rhodes will truly change my life for the better.

Okay so what do you guys think? Is the statement good enough?

There's also another question in the supplement: [i]How were you influenced to apply to Rhodes?

This statement should be like one or two sentences. But I'm not sure what to write. I've already mentioned how Rhodes influenced me to apply for it in the above statement. So what should I write?

I would really appreciate if anyone replies fast.