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Posts by bud444
Joined: Feb 9, 2010
Last Post: Mar 5, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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bud444   
Mar 5, 2010
Essays / How to get started? What interests have come to you [3]

hey all,

i have this prompt for my essay..

Eleanor Roosevelt once said "One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests.
They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else
What interests have come to you during your academic career, and how will they carry with you after your graduation?


i was wondering if it means my career goals or just some of my interest? should i write it focusing more towards what i want to do after graduation??career goals??

thank you
bud444   
Mar 5, 2010
Undergraduate / Parents / Campus - UCF Admissions essay "bump in the road" [6]

"I love my parents and the family we had together that made it difficult for me to accept and adjust to the circumstances that was happening."

I loved my parents and the family we had together but it was difficult for me to accept and adjust to the circumstances that was happening.

"Soon later I was under the influences of alcohol and drugs."- omit the word "later"

"I was constantly harassed and abused by my father's family that said I will never be anything."
I was constantly harassed and abused by my father's family who believed I will never amount to anything.

"Everything in between had affected my thoughts about caring for my education in school." - Everything affected my concerns for my education.

Finally resorting to someone I had trust,- who? specify in brief

This was one of the hardest choices I had made for I had to leave everything I knew and loved in my hometown behind- This was one of the hardest choices I made for I had to leave everything and everyone I loved behind.

We will become stronger every time we overcome our challenges. So if you encounter a challenge in your life right now, don't run away from it, face your challenge and develop yourself through the process.- . So instead of running away from challenges, we should face it as it helps to forge a strong character.

2.

the campus is presenting- the campus presents

also influenced me to consider UCF as one of my universities that I believe will help me become a great leader and fulfill my expectations in a university.- also influenced me to consider UCF. I believe it will help me become a great leader and fulfill my expectations in a university
bud444   
Feb 15, 2010
Undergraduate / Personal biography (past life, future goals, education, experiences) [2]

Hey all,
i mixed this essay with another one...so was wondering if my essay still has the "flow"

Prompt: It should include information concerning your past life, future goals, education, influential experiences and special

Her eyes had that sparks that caught me instantly. She had a radiant magic in her smile that made me drown into her. Her clothes were tattered; her hands and foot dirty. Yet still, she looked playful. She was with her father, mother and her little brother. They had a few luggage, their only worldly possession. It wasn't hard for me to guess who they were or what they were doing there. Any other day, it would have been normal sight but that day there was something unusual about the whole incident.

Twelve years of civil war ravaged Nepal, leaving many destitute and helpless. Civil war ended, but it didn't bring an end to people's sorrows. The power struggle among the political parties did nothing but to elevate the already worsen condition of the country. Political insurgency forced the people to abandon their villages and belongings. The family portrayed above is one of those many families who were victims of political strife.

This particular incident has had a profound impact on me as it helped to awaken my sleeping eyes and made me really think about many children like her who were innocent victims of war. These children were not only affected by horrifying acts of violence but also were denied from one of the most basic opportunities- education. I feel blessed when I compare my self to those poor children but sometimes I wonder: Could I not have been one of them? I feel I have an opportunity, moreover a responsibility, to do something for these people. I know I have to overcome numerous obstacles but I will make sure that coming generations will not have to face the same injustice.

As the political instability continued, the education system was also not left untouched. The frequent strikes and violence in schools were hindering to provide quality education. As a result, I decided to go to the United States of America to further my studies. My decision to go abroad for further studies was no doubt met by resistance, which was no surprise to me as I was the youngest of the siblings and had never been away from home. My family undoubtedly feared the uncertainty and difficulty I would face in a foreign land. But I was able to make my parents understand about my future goals and the vast opportunities that lay well ahead of me.

Its nearly two years that I have been in the U.S. During this time, I was able to build a better understanding of myself and, moreover, life itself. It made me realize my strengths and weaknesses. I am more focused and motivated on my studies and involvements than before. Working twenty hours a week and completing eighteen to twenty credits a semester is tough, but I love challenges as they teach me to believe in myself and never let anything put me down. In addition, I have built an insatiable hunger for knowledge as I try to involve myself in as many activities as I can.

I still remember there was a time when I did not know who I was, what I wanted to do or what I wanted to be. But now as I have realized what life is all about, I don't want to live my life not having made any change or not having accomplished anything. Through my faith in myself, I believe I will not only be able to fulfill my dreams, but also to do more.
bud444   
Feb 11, 2010
Undergraduate / First Day at Maybeck High School: Personal Statement for College. [3]

hey kj92,

dont take me wrong, but i think u spend a lot of time comparing between your schools than really portraying yourself.

"In conclusion, I have grown a lot from attending Hercules and Maybeck. "

why dont u illustrate your growth...may be relate some incidents and its effect on you

personal statement is the best way to show yourself apart from test scores and gpa, so make the best use of it :)
bud444   
Feb 10, 2010
Undergraduate / "father's illness" - Any challenges or obstacles you have faced in your life [4]

hello everyone,
i just wrote a rough draft essay for the following prompt..

Describe any challenges or obstacles you have faced in your life that would enrich and diversify the environment of our University.

i think i still have to add some "element" to this essay, but i really cannot figure out. as i am an international student, my English is not that good, so i hope you guys will help with my grammar and word choice.

please feel free to make comments and suggestions.

thank you.

Describe any challenges or obstacles you have faced in your life that would enrich and diversify the environment of our University.

It was almost midnight when my phone rang. It was my aunt but with unusually low and trembling voice. Then, she told me something that completely shocked. She told me that my dad had brain hemorrhage and was taken to India for the surgery.

The news of my father's illness left me totally shaken. At first, my family tried to hide it from me as they did not wanted to trouble me. I was angered at this but I also understood their concern for me. As I came to know about his illness, I started to feel guilty. It was my decision to come to US for my further studies which was resisted by my parents. It was no surprise to me as I was the youngest of the siblings and had never been away from home. My family undoubtedly feared the uncertainty and difficulty I would face in a foreign land. But I was able to make my parents understand about my future goals and the vast opportunities that lay well ahead of me.

My sisters told me how my dad lost his memory and failed to recognize them. Their account of his illness made me feel weak. I wanted to go home and take care of my father but I couldn't go because of my studies. It was no doubt one of the toughest times I went through. In the mean time, my studies started to suffer. I was not able to concentrate on my studies and was lacking behind in my classes. But before things went worse, I realized what I had been doing. Although it was hard for me to focus on studies amid all the happenings, I kept on working hard. My family, especially my father, would not have been happy if I did not perform well on my studies. Likewise, my father was recovering well from the surgery. This all motivated me to work even harder on my studies and let nothing interfere with my goals.

This has been one of the greatest incidents in my life. It awakened my sleeping eyes towards my aim with which I came to US. Moreover, during this time, I was able to build a better understanding of myself and, moreover, the life itself. It made me realize my strengths and weaknesses. I am more focused and motivated on my studies and involvements than before. Working twenty hours a week and completing eighteen to twenty credits a semester is tough, but I love challenges as they teach me to believe in myself and never let anything put me down. In addition, I have built an insatiable hunger for knowledge as I try to involve myself in as many things as I can.

I still remember there was a time when I did not know who I was, what I wanted to do or what I wanted to be. But now as I have realized what life is all about, I don't want to live my life not having made any change or not having accomplished anything. And through my faith in myself, I believe I will not only be able to fulfill my dreams, but also to do more.
bud444   
Feb 9, 2010
Faq, Help / Is it safe to post my essay here? Or should I be worried about Plagiarism? [175]

Hello, I am new over here!!

hey all,

i just found about this website and signed up. i was wondering how safe it is to post your essay here...i was just concerned about someone stealing my ideas or words.

I would really like to get some feedback so that i can start posting my essays and feel safe :D

thanks
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