Essays / pros and cons of cars - developing my essay [11]

In my opinion the second one is better (remember that could be because it suits better my stile...)
What I feel being more effective is to be direct (give the conclusion that you have in mind first).
Then you have the rest of the essay to support your conclusion (providing facts and examples) and at the end you strengthen your conclusion.
hope this helps

Graduate / any personal or academic matter that may assist admissions committee [4]

First of all I am sorry for your losses.
However I wouldn't concentrate your entire essay on this topic. I suggest you to choose 2 or 3 different reasons/ideas and to develop them.