Posts by djanat

djanat

Mar 9, 2010

Writing Feedback / GRE issue 153 skepticism in studying [5]

lee
you have some problem with the grama.
here are some corrections
1-we say " we were born".
2-people point out / without "S" .
3-i did not understand "...students should think whatever are taught". try to give a clear and simple sentences.
4-we say "...afraid of..." not "....afraid to..."
5-in the 9th line: ....makes student to think..." is " make student think .
try to respect the cordination between the subject and the conjugaison of the verb .we add '''s" only in the present tense for "he, she, it".

6-in the 14th line: so after....so as. repetition of so.
7- line 16: we say " prohibit from" . chech the meaning of this verb , i do not think is the right for what you want to say.

- who is "he"? if you want to talk about the students , do not use "he" , use "they".
- WASTE time and energy
8- line 18: it is better to say "...to be guided first by..."
9- line 19 : ...contribute in...

i hope my notes will help you .i advice you to make a short and clear sentences.

djanat

Mar 9, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:A person' childhood years are the most important years of a person's life [3]

All people have a specific period in their lives that is very important to them. Personally I consider the childhood the most important one. This period ha a strong impact on the entire life of each of us. This impact can be positive or negative. It depends relatively on the childhood.

Firstly, the childhood is the period of receiving. The child at this age has only thing to do that is receiving. The children receive the love and tenderness of their parents. This love will help them to become good adults. The adults who can love the others and can be loved by others. If a child does not get those feelings at this age, the impact of those feeling will not be the same on other period of the life.

Secondly, in the childhood the child can learn how to be a responsible person. The parents at this age teach their children how to be responsible, by urging them to helping with household tasks or by doing their homework without the help of anyone. A responsible child is a responsible adult.

Another reason that makes of the years of childhood a very important years of a person's life is because at this age the child can learn easily. Some studies show that the child has the capacity of learning until seven languages. They can remember easily the words and sentences even it is not their native language. They have the ability to count very quickly. Thus, the parents must take advantage of this period and boost the intelligence of their children.

Some people believe that the years of childhood are not important because they do what their parents ask them to do, not what they want to do. I think that children at this age can not make some decisions by themselves. They have to follow the instructions of their parents who really know what the best is for their children.

The years of the childhood are the most important years of a person's life. In thes years there are a lot to do to get a good person full of love, has the sense of responsibility and be very smart.

djanat

Mar 9, 2010

Writing Feedback / TOEFL topic: wheter or not to build a school in your hometown [6]

i didn't check well for the errors but i do like your essay
me too i will take the toefl this year so i think that the eassay must be like this:

I come from a small village where education is a dream to most of the child. Actually, I was once been envied by my neighbor peer who is helping his father doing farm work now and not merely think about changing. Without education, it can't be true for me to take Toefl test and preparing for going abroad. So, as long as the sun rises in the east, I will surly be in agreement to the new hope school's establishment in my hometown. Some disadvantages of the school there may be; However, I believe there are far more advantages.

First of all, some minor disadvantages (MONEY IS NOT DISADVANTAGE , IT IS AN INCONVINIENT)to the proposal include the money required to build the school and the necessarily more money to keep the school running. Since the children in my hometown mostly have no money to pay for the pencil box, not to mention the tuition and books, which means more money is in demand to make sure the children get educated. Another drawback in building the school is the worry provided by some villager that if their kids go to school, they will have less time to help do the farm work and less chance to share the burden of the family in the future.

Nevertheless, contrary to the belief of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the establishment of a new school in my hometown. As I perceive the controversy, by going to school, the kids, by going to school, are well educated and can make a better decision between right and wrong, such as it is terrible to steal and it is always excellent to help others. Perhaps our kids can convey the brilliant spirits acquired from school to their family, and help build a more harmonious atmosphere, too. For instance, in a heavy smoker's family, the little girl may help her father get rid of smoking by explain to him that how harmful, she learnt in school, is smoking to his and all the family's health.

Also, isn't shortsighted to consider education is a waste of time? Education is a strategy for long-term development. For example, maybe many years later, some of the kids once cultivated in the school know how to set up a company and become managers, some know how to build houses and become constructors, and some know how to do the farm work in a better way and become a modern farmer. Once the kids grow up, there will be an impressive change in the village and surely will the village be more flourish.

Considerable though the advantages that our children doing the housework and farm work and that the villagers saving money by not building a school enjoy are, they cannot compete with the benefits that managing to site a school and all kids in the village or maybe other village entering the school and acquiring knowledge they need, when the further development of the village and the future of their kids are taken into account. In other words, if they consider about the future life of their kids, why don't they try their utmost to build a school and make sure their children being cultivated.

YOU HAVE GIVE INCONVIENT TO NOT BUILDING A SCHOOL RATHER THAN GIVING WHY YOU SUPPORT THE IDEA OF BUILDING A SCHOOL

djanat

Mar 9, 2010

Graduate / TOEFL: Why do people visit museums? Curiosity [5]

hi
firstly , you have a very strong vocabulary, you do not make a lot of mistakes.
when i begin reading your essay, it seems to me that you have give the reason directly without an intriduction. then you have talking about traveling. you have a lot of ideas at the same time.

i suggest for all your essays to follow this order
1-introduction( ex: talking about the museum in general)
2- the first reason (why people visit the museum= curiosity)
3- second reason= searching information
4-third reason....
5-conclusion

five paragraph when you will be asked to give reasons to answer some question

me too i m preparing to take the toefl.

djanat

Mar 5, 2010

Graduate / 'the family is the real winner' - Toefl: playing game is fun only when we win [3]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing a game is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Playing game is one of the many things that all people like to do, because it brings pleasure ,fun and also the happiness. I do not agree with people who think that playing game is fun only when they win, because playing game has other importance than only winning. The first importance of playing game is that it gathers all the member of the family. The parents can spend their free time with their kids on playing game. Whoever wins the game, the family is the real winner, because both the kids and the parents share some thing together. These moments of playing game ...

thank you to send be you feedback

djanat

Mar 5, 2010

Essays / Party time - dullest party in teenage history [9]

can you write all the subject because i didn't understant about what you are talking

djanat

Mar 4, 2010

Writing Feedback / Explain why you like (or do not like) to work in a team. [5]

i have some corrections i hope that help you
- never begin a sentence by because/ the sentence must have always a subject and a verbe.
-behave with people /line 9.
-it is the key of success in life /line 9
- a lot of it

generaly your paragraph has a very clear ideas. you have only to focus on grammar and vocabulary

good luck

djanat

Mar 4, 2010

Writing Feedback / Toefl:Some students like classes where teachers lecture (do all of the talking) [3]

essay Some students like classes where teachers lecture (do all of the talking) in class. Other students prefer classes where the students do some of the talking. Which type of class do you prefer? Give specific reasons and details to support your choice.

Each teacher has his own method of teaching. Some teachers like to monopolize the class , so no one has the liberty to talk or to give their point of view. Other teachers prefer to push students to participate in order to make them involved in the course. Personally , I prefer classes where the student do some of the talking.

My preference is based on several reasons . the first one is that the class where student can talk is an attractive class. I can not miss any hour of this class. I make the possible to be present all the time, because the atmosphere of some talking liberty is the best atmosphere a student can have.

Secondly , in classes where the student do some of the talking , is a successful class , because teacher can detect students who do not understand the course among others, so he can clear some ideas. He also has the possibility to get a feedback of their students.

Another reason that make classes where the students do some of the talking better , is that in these classes students and the teacher change their ideas. The benefit of the course will double. Every one can give his idea and receive other . every one can also correct their thought or believe.

Some students like classes where teachers lecture in class . they think that is the best way to be on deadline of the program. I think that it is more important that the students feel comfortable in class than achieving the deadline without any benefit.

to concludewe have to admit that the student who do not have the right to participate in class , will be an inactive person or can not participate in the improvement of their society .

i plan to take toefl exam this year .so please send me your feedback of this essay
thanks