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Posts by yr_0331
Joined: Nov 21, 2006
Last Post: Dec 5, 2006
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Dec 3, 2006
Undergraduate / I said goodbye to my mother; University of Maryland [NEW]

Please help me to revise my essay, thank you.
Compare to the last one I posted ( right on the last topic), which one is better?

6:45 pm, after I said the last "goodbye" to my mother, I walked into airport lounge.

7:00 pm, the KE968 flight took off. From this minute, I left the place I had lived for seventeen years.

I saw an air stewardess hanging a "Merry Christmas" decoration in the cabin wall. Christmas comes. Even though that was in China, western culture is gradually merged into this traditional country. Families become accustomed to reunite on Christmas, everyone else on this plane was going home, but me. I left my mother and was en route to another side of the world.

Now I have been away from my mother for almost one year. Every boy and girl I know around me here has his or her mum. I remember how I always "complained" this to my mum when I talked to her via the phone. Sometimes when someone's mum treats me like treats her daughter, I always felt thankful to her, and I started to miss my own mum. I envy my friends. Now the reason why I stay here from the first that I wanted to pursue more advanced education opportunities switch to a much more simple reason ď for my mother. My mother is my best friend. The thing I will never forget about my childhood was, when I was young, my mum took me from kindergarten or later from elementary school every afternoon. I was sitting in the back of her bicycle, and I always liked to sang a Chinese children folk song to her, "My dear mum, you works hard everyday and comes home late. Sit down, please, mum, drink some hot tea, please. Let me kiss you, my dear mum." The melody still resounds around my ear now. That was the sweetest time everyday in my childhood.

I would say how unfair it is for me now; I would go to the airport and buy a ticket and back to China; I would tell my mum I should stay with her, but I did not. The eagerer I am, the more powers that force me to stay in the United States. Even though my mum is far away from me, I can always feel her love. Even though she can not support me everything in my life, she gives me a more important thing my heart. Daughter's heart comes from a part of mother's heart, an old Chinese maxim says.

Why I can still smile in front of the world; why I can still enthusiastically strive for my dream, because of my mother. Life is about choices. My mother has given me the opportunity to either choose to enhance my future, or stay stagnates. Although the sacrifice is great, I have chosen to enhance my education. Although China offers a rigorous educational system, the American education is far more appealing to a student. We are encouraged to expand our horizons, and to learn outside of the textbook world. We are taught to use what we learn in the classroom and to apply it to our daily lives.

My mother has given me an opportunity to choose. And I've chosen to be the best student I can be. Even though my days are challenging, and at times I ask myself why life must be so hard at the age of eighteen, I remember my mother's loving eyes and remember the choice I've made the responsibilities I've taken on. University of Maryland at College Park is a very large university with great diversity. This institution offers not only a strong education opportunity, but also the opportunity to grow as an Asian American women through cultural diversity and sense of community.
Nov 23, 2006
Undergraduate / Every thing was gray in my eye, the sky, buildings, ground, people, and even buses. Is this America? [4]

Any one can help me to revise this college essay? It is very important for me, your help will me invaluable for me!!
Thank you!


At the University of Maryland, we value a diverse community. How have your life experiences and background shaped you into an individual who will enrich the UM community? (2-3 page double space)

327 days ago, through 14 hours' 8579 miles flight, I finally stood in the land of United States. The flesh air in Washington D.C. woke me up from long time a journey's drowse. I looked around, drizzles made the sky over Dulles Airport hazy. Without exciting, I dragged my heavy suitcase passed through the airport big buildings, hallways, and parking lot. Every thing was gray in my eye, the sky, buildings, ground, people, and even buses. Is this America? Am I sitting on the long time flight and still dreaming? A Chinese family picked my families and me from the airport. I felt uncomfortable by looking at the sidewalk, no skyscrapers, no colorful neon lights, no huge advertisements. When the car was running in the endless highway I doubt that if I was sent to a never-land. Disappointed, that was my first impression of the new life in United States.

The following days did not become much better. The biggest problem I encountered was language barrier. I remembered one day I was walking with my dad on the street, when a lady said "hello" to us, my reaction was, said "hello" to her in CHINESE. Actually no one else in my family could speak English at that time, because of this, I became the one who negotiated with owners in order to rent an apartment, and dealt with monthly bills; who read any English contracts and mails, and even bargained in the supermarkets, although my English skills were still limited. Another problem I had to cope with was loneliness. I remembered the day was Christmas when I was in the air plane which departed from China, everyone else was going home and _______ with their families, but I had to leave my mum, leave my grandma, leave my friends, and leave the city I had been lived for seventeen years. The first few periods I always cried at night. Things that had happened in the past seventeen years always came to my mind, even in my dreams everyday were all about my hometown. There was not telephone or internet at home, I completely lost contact with them. Once a Chinese little boy gave me some Chinese songs, then I listened to them at dinner myself, I cried, how familiar those melodies were. I imaged that I was walking on the campus in my old school; I was hanging out with my friends at the table.____________________ ( any sentence can be filled here?) The transitions here in school were rough. I could not understand what my classmates were talking about or laughing at; every lunch I had to sit alone because I did not have friends to sit with. I totally isolated myself from the ______ (???). The relationships among members of my family became more and more complicated, my dad had bad mood and complain how _____ ( need an adj. describe bad) our lives were day and night since he could not find a job due to his language barrier. He had ever told me, my life brimmed with hardships everywhere, but never had such bitter like now. Later, he decided to bring me back to China. He said he could not offer a good living here for me. I came here for my future, for my dream, however, if I had been told to leave, which I should choose? I persist in my goal -- I want to study in America, I told my father. I tried to show him how things could change. Everything from laundry to bills became my responsibility, while I still kept my grades high. When the first time I got straight As on my report card and showed him, he smiled. He said I became a more independent young woman after I came to the United States. Now my dream is not for myself, but for my father. His struggles are my struggles. I should study harder and harder, I should go to college, to pursue further knowledge, to change our life, to let him be proud of me.

These hardships I experienced became invaluable to my life. I joined Howard County Health Expo few months ago. As an interpreter, I helped some elders who came from China to get to know about Howard County's healthy care system, and assisted them to finish health inspections. By talking to them, I knew that they had children and relatives here; they were still lonely, because they were new to this country. I can understand their feelings since I had experienced how hard the transitions were.

Not everyone is lucky enough to live in two different worlds. I am familiar with Chinese culture and able to adapt to America's life. Therefore, I can bring this advantage to UM since schools now have become more and more multicultural. Many students from other countries may face hardships in adjusting to the new environment when they first come, so I will be of assistance to them. UM is a diverse community, students here come from different places. I am planning to organize an America Help Union in the UM if I could be part of the school. The purpose of this union is to help those people who are new in this country. At the same time, I can foster understanding of cultural diversity within the UM community, making it not only a university, but also a world village.
Nov 23, 2006
Undergraduate / Interpreter in a Howard County event; ACTIVITY of importance [7]

Thank you!
I add my idea to my another essay, it's about organize an America Help Union, I post it alreay, but it is for another college, in this such short paragraph, how I can add this idea in it?
Nov 22, 2006
Essays / Immigrants from China- Choose a Topic(value a diverse community) [2]

There is a question that comes from an undergraduate application:

At the UM, we value a diverse community. How have your life experiences and background shaped you into an individual who will enrich the UM community?

I do not know what to write that can make me more distinctive among all applicant. I am an immigrants from China, and I came here one year ago, that is my simple background.

Anyone can give me some suggestions? Your suggestions will help me a lot!
Thank you.
Nov 21, 2006
Undergraduate / Interpreter in a Howard County event; ACTIVITY of importance [7]

Thank you so much! your help means a lot to me.

And I have a question, if I write this paragraph, can it show my speciality, or can it make me be distinctive among the large amount of applicants?
Nov 21, 2006
Undergraduate / Interpreter in a Howard County event; ACTIVITY of importance [7]

Is any one can help me to revise my short paragraph for the admission? Please give me some suggestions about ideas, or grammar and structure.

Thank you so much!

Please choose one of the commitments that you listed above (activity, interest, or work experience) and provide a short description of its importance to you. Include why that commitment could be relevant to your student experience in college.

I was glad that I had an opportunity to be an interpreter in a Howard County event. I feel lucky that I can speak two different languages ---- Chinese and English. Living in China for a long time made me familiar with Chinese culture. After studying in America for one year, eventually I am able to adapt to the new culture, too. Therefore, I can bring this advantage to Penn State, since schools now have become more and more multicultural. Many students from other countries may face hardship in adjusting to the new environment when they first come here, so I can be of assistance to them. At the same time, I can spread the idea of ___________ (I just want to find a word that can describe communicate, or contact with people from different culture) to the Penn State community, and make it not only a university, but also a world village.