Graduate / "my responsibility to use my personal knowledge" - Peace Corps Personal Essay [3]

Hi,

the second and third paragraphs are very nice and show your thoughts but I think you need stronger introduction.

Graduate / ANTHROPOLOGY graduate admissions statement of purpose (California Santa Cruz) [7]

I am in the same stage as you Alyson and I feel how difficult to arrange the ideas.
Can anybody help about the ideal way of writing the SOP in an arranged professional way?
e.g. what should the first paragraph include? is it better to start by writing about the subject or about the university?
Is it better to mention each area of the statement in one paragraph i.e. one for my past knowledge and one for experience etc. ?

Thank you

Writing Feedback / IELTS -Weather it is pointless to keep the traditional skills and ways of life alive [16]

maybe you can mention your opinion (agree or disagree) rather than saying this statement (In this essay I will try to analyse this issue to some cases and give my answer), then in the next paragraphs you explain this opinion.

Undergraduate / While volunteering at hospital I got the chance to first-hand observe doctors in action [6]

Very nice essay... but I have a comment:

I am a physician suffering from a chronic disease; so I am a patient as well. As a patient I will not accept a physician who tell me: I could not treat you but actually I've learned a lot from your case. And as a physician I will not be satisfy if I lose a life even if I learned something....I will feel satisfy if I save life and learn in the same time.

Good luck

Graduate / Admission for Phd in Epidemiology [10]

Thanks hannahan and Kevin,

I've noticed the changes you have made.
and as you've said I am bilingual and do not feel confident to comment on others writing because it could be incorrect. But I will try to do as long as somebody will be there to correct me as well.

Best regards.

Graduate / Admission for Phd in Epidemiology [10]

Hi everybody,

it is really a wonderful benificial forum, thanks for you all.

this is a draft of a letter to be send to the potential supervisor, your comments are highly appreciated.

Dear Dr. xxx,

I am an Epidemiologist seeking for a doctoral position in epidemiology and I am highly interested in your scope of research; communicable disease. It is my privilege to ask for your agreement to supervise me during my study, it will be an invaluable opportunity.

Currently I am working in an infection control department in a xxx Hospital since October 2008. In my work I am responsible for healthcare associated infections surveillance, outbreaks investigation, and initiating programs to control HAIs. In addition; I am tutoring first-year medical students in problem based learning sessions.

I hold MBBS and Diploma degree in field epidemiology (FETP). I have an experience in conducting researches, literature reviews and scientific presentations, In addition to analysis of national surveillance data.

My goal is to expand my knowledge in epidemiology to utilize this individual science in controlling communicable diseases which affect people all over the world and to enrich the research in this field. And through getting a training under your supervision and in the internationally leading university of xxx; I will be able to do more to people in the community as well as in the healthcare facilities and I will be able to share and exchange the experience between two far geographic areas and two different communities. Fortunately my university will provide a total study scholarship.

A copy of my curriculum vitae is attached. I am looking to hear from you, and appreciating your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Graduate / Admission for Phd in Epidemiology [10]

Thanks EF Kevin,

I got the idea, your answer helps me a lot.

Thank you

Graduate / Admission for Phd in Epidemiology [10]

Thank you very much for your answer,

I mean by cover letter is the letter that includes same points you mentioned; as intro about myself, research interests, etc. And I will attach my CV as well which is about 4 pages in my case. I have read in more than one guide that it is very important to include part of objectives about 3 to 4 sentences. That is why I am asking shall I put objectives while it will repetition of the information in covering letter? And is it better to shorten my CV?

Thanks again for your response.