Undergraduate / UC Essay 1 - A library full of children [6]

totally

Research Papers / Help with how to cut 600 words from my research paper [4]

Hi,
One thing I've found while writting my essays is that I often try to take on way too much than is necessary (and sometimes possible). I often get a lot of ideas in my head and it takes up alot of room on the essay to tie it all together (and it is often very difficult). Thus I have two suggestions for you. the first is to try to cut down on how many things you are trying to tie in. Focus on one or two, or a good few of them. Also, if you want to go just for length, try deleting an entire topic you talked about, like a certain character or scene.

Undergraduate / Common Application Short Answer Editing "Describe an experience" [13]

This is an interesting topic to write on. I will commend you on a few things. First off, your chosing to write about Church shows that you are active in your community and religious (which is a plus for religiously affiliated schools). Also, you show how other people's lives and experiences have shaped your own; learning from others.

However, I'm not so sure about writing on how you learned education isnt necessary...I dont know, its up to you. But perhaps you could make it on how money isnt the only thing in the world, its people.

Writing Feedback / leader you think is important [9]


I would check your grammar and spelling here. There are a few words left out (see above) and some strangely worded sentences. Also, I think it would do your essay a great favor if you made some of your sentences more complex. (AKA, vary the sentence structure more often, with complex, compound, compound-complex, etc.).

Research Papers / My Scientific Method: steps and procedures (research) [8]

triplesmickey, or anyone else, could you provide an example of such a connection?