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Posts by austindenny
Joined: Aug 8, 2010
Last Post: Sep 24, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

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austindenny   
Sep 21, 2010
Undergraduate / "Energy Responsibility" - UT Austin application essay Topic E [6]

PROMPT:

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

ESSAY:

John D. Rockefeller established Standard Oil in 1870 - the world's largest oil refiner. Although byproducts of oil had been in use previously, Rockefeller's integration of production, transportation, refining, and marketing brought oil to the forefront of American business. In the 140 years since, the influence of oil has come to permeate every facet of our global society; it moves us, it keeps us warm, and it allows for the production of almost all of our goods. Oil has been influential in the growth of our nation into a superpower. There is just one problem. We're hooked. America's dependence on oil, mainly from foreign suppliers, threatens our national security, takes away control of our economy, puts our health at risk, and stifles our capacity for innovation. My generation has a responsibility to ensure that future Americans have a safe, clean, reliable, and efficient means of renewable energy to power their world.

According to the CIA World Factbook (2009), the United States is the world's third largest producer of crude oil; we produce nine million barrels per day (bbl/day). Not bad, right? Unfortunately, not to be outdone, the US is the world's leading oil consumer as well. For every barrel that we produce, we consume two - or about 19 million bbl/day (CIA, 2009). In 2008, the US Energy Information Administration reported that the US imports 46% of its petroleum supply from OPEC members, which mainly consist of Middle Eastern states. The largest among these suppliers is Saudi Arabia; home to 15 of the 19 September 11 hijackers, Saudi Arabia also financially supports fundamentalist madrasas throughout Pakistan and Afghanistan ("Three Cups of Tea," 2006). Although there is no official paper trail, a steady supply of US capital to a region with a history of aiding those who seek to destroy us is, for lack of a better word, stupid.

While the security threats posed by a dependence on foreign oil are self evident, our addiction has already proven its ability to constrict our economy and impact our daily lives. Almost 37 years ago to the day, the neighboring countries of Israel launched a surprise attack against the Jewish state on Yom Kippur, the most holy day of the year. At the onset of the Yom Kippur war, most countries, fearing an oil embargo from the Arab nations, refused to resupply the Israeli military. The US, however, has always been the strongest international supporter of Israel. President Truman was the first to recognize the legitimacy of the state of Israel in 1948, and President Nixon would decide to send 2.2 billion dollars to aide Israel in 1973. In response to the US decision, the Organization of Arab Petroleum Exporting Countries enacted its embargo - oil prices rose by 70% and production was cut by 25% (The Prize: The Epic Quest for Oil, Money, and Power," 1990). To cope with the energy crisis, rations were placed on gasoline, stations were given daily selling limits, and the auto industry had to completely change the way it built cars. Gone were the days of the almighty muscle car, replaced by long lines at the pump and four cylinder abominations.

Although the US learned from the 1973 energy crisis and made attempts, such as the National Energy Act of 1978, to facilitate energy independence, it was not enough. The 80s and 90s saw a resurgence of bigger engines and the birth of the SUV. As consumer demand increased along with the desire for energy independence, we began to engage in riskier oil refining practices closer to home. To show for these practices, the Gulf of Mexico has suffered the largest accidental oil spill in history, Prince William Sound has yet to fully recover from the Exxon Valdez spill, and communities throughout America live with the negative health effects of nearby refining complexes. A stretch of the Mississippi River in Louisiana has been dubbed "cancer alley" due to the abnormally high incidence of various cancers and infertility in the area; there are reported to be more than 150 refineries in the 100 miles that make up cancer alley ("Fuel," 2008).

Despite our current situation, it is not too late to implement the necessary changes. Resulting from the recent bailouts of big business, we have seen American auto-makers begin to produce smaller, more fuel efficient cars. This is just one piece of the puzzle, though; to solve the problems at hand, one must look at the big picture. Commercial transportation, for example, runs almost exclusively on diesel fuel ("Fuel," 2008). Virtually all of these engines require no modification to operate on bio-diesels, a renewable fuel source. The US must also seek solutions at the international level; in Israel, almost every household uses a solar-powered water heating system. The answers are out there.

I know it to be true that we do not lack the technology, nor the ingenuity, to do what we must. In 1962, President John F. Kennedy challenged the American people to put a man on the moon. He said, "But why, some say, the moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain? Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas? -- we choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard." We made it to the moon; now, it is time to do the other things with the same approach and mentality that Kennedy spoke of. To achieve real progress, we, as a society, need to adopt a new awareness regarding the future of energy. It is our responsibility.

Works Cited:

Central Intelligence Agency (2009). United States: Economy Overview. CIA World Factbook.

Mortenson, G. (2007). Three Cups of Tea
New York: Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Reitman, G. (Producer), & Tickell, J. (Director). (2008). Fuel
Motion Picture. United States: Green Planet Productions

Yergin, D. (1990). The Prize: The Epic Quest for Oil, Money, and Power
New York: Simon & Schuster Inc.
austindenny   
Sep 20, 2010
Undergraduate / "Pledge of Allegiance Controversy" ApplyTexas Essay Topic B [11]

Also, from here on out could we revise essays keeping our beliefs to ourselves out of respect for the writer?

There is something you need to understand. If you want respect, you must give respect. I'll explain.

I for one, want the future generations of our nation's leaders to be well informed of Gods role in the building of our country and what it means to be an American. We can insure this will take place if the children in public schools are granted the opportunity to learn this through the Pledge of Allegiance. Otherwise, I fear that my generation and future generations will be put at risk for living in a Godless unpatriotic country.

By saying this, you imply that non-christians are unpatriotic. That is disrespectful. Rather than focus on how disrespectful this point of view is, I tried to make it clear that saying something like this has the potential to offend your audience. When you write, you should always keep your audience in mind.

I wrote what I believe, and do not appreciate my essay topic being picked apart and marked as, for lack of a better word, stupid.

You may be applying to christian schools, but when you post your essay on a public forum, be prepared for a different reception. If your main problems exist in the content of your essay, you shouldn't want people to sugarcoat the issues.

To put it simply, you are wrong. I do not dispute the validity of your religious beliefs because the existence of a God can not be physically confirmed or dispelled. I do believe, however, you are incorrect in your understanding of religion in relation to the US govt.

This is the first clause of the first amendment to the US constitution:

"Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof"

Now, here is a passage from your essay:

"If the Pledge of Allegiance is omitted from what is taught to children in public schools, it will hinder his or her ability to keep the nation moving in the direction that it was originally intended to go (as a nation with one ruler, God)"

Not only is this statement wrong, but because the Bill of Rights is easily accessible to anyone with an internet connection (which you clearly have), it could be classified as stupid.

Also, it is a promise to us as a people that the U.S.A. will stand together as an inseparable free nation with one ruler, God, who will guide our nation without fault.

As we know from history, our nation is divisible. It was only under the leadership of Abraham Lincoln - a generally non-religious person - which the union was restored.

Finally, it is absurd to say that anybody will guide our nation without fault - especially God. If this is the case, you attribute the institution of slavery, the deaths of millions of indigenous peoples at the hands of Americans, the nuclear attacks on Japan, chemical attacks on Vietnamese civilians, and federally supported segregation to a "faultless" God.

I do not say this maliciously, but your essay has many faults - your essay, not your beliefs - which need to be addressed.
austindenny   
Sep 18, 2010
Undergraduate / "Pledge of Allegiance Controversy" ApplyTexas Essay Topic B [11]

Saying The Pledge each day as a child in public school is crucial in that it will teach my generation and generations to come that God is our ruler and our nation's ruler; that the groundwork for our country is indeed works of God.

Our forefathers founded this nation with certain principles, principles that have always kept the American population happy, motivated to not change what was initially set as the foundation for our country.

Besides the fact that our nation was founded on the principle of separation of church and state, what you have said in your essay will assuredly alienate a good portion of the admissions board at the university to which you are applying.

I don't want my children to be influenced by a public school system, which runs on my tax dollars, to subscribe to any religious belief. From a rational point of view, your bottom line is "schools should be allowed to brainwash the youth of America into believing in an omniscient, omnipresent sky being which controls every aspect of life."

Aside from your poor choice of topic, there were many grammatical errors within your essay.

For that reason, The Pledge of Allegiance

Don't capitalize the first word after a comma.

If the Pledge of Allegiance is omitted from what is taught to children in public schools, it will hinder his or her

Make sure your pronouns are used properly. Because 'children' is plural, the pronoun should be plural as well.

Since the government feels it is necessary to obliterate the reciting of the Pledge of Allegiance from public school's everyday routine because it includes the words "under God," what is stopping them from restraining students the right to pray before a test or to have a moment of silence for prayer or personal reflection?

If you are referring to more than one public school, it should be written public schools'. Again, 'the government' is singular - you used the plural pronoun 'them'. Also, 'restraining students the right to pray' is worded improperly. You could say 'withholding from students the right to pray', but they way you have it doesn't make sense.

I would suggest that you change the topic of your essay to something which is more universally agreeable. I understand that the prompt is to write an essay about an issue of importance to you, but religion is a very sensitive subject. To infer that people, who don't share the same beliefs as you, are unpatriotic is fairly ignorant and will only serve to hurt your chances of admission. There is nothing wrong with expressing your beliefs, just wait until you are already a student at the university.

Mind you, I am not a moderator of these forums. Good luck.
austindenny   
Sep 12, 2010
Undergraduate / "an intel officer" - University of Texas at Austin admissions essay [3]

PROMPT:

The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.

ESSAY:

Becoming a commissioned intelligence officer in the U.S. Air Force has been my highest aspiration over the last three years. It will allow me the chance to not only address international security concerns, support Americans in combat zones worldwide, and foster stronger cross-cultural understanding but also to gain invaluable leadership and foreign affairs experience. These exceptional opportunities for professional development considered in concert with the higher quality of life I will be able to provide for my family are what attract me so strongly to pursuing this career path.

First, I must complete a bachelor of liberal arts degree in Middle Eastern Studies (MES). I am drawn to The University of Texas at Austin, primarily, because of the academic environment. Professor S. Akbar Hyder's expertise regarding Islam in the Asian sub-continent, and the work of the summer intensive language program are of particular interest to me. Additionally, in 1985, Richard Moll listed UT Austin among the original eight "public ivy" institutions; thus, it is no surprise that the MES program is held in high esteem throughout both academic and professional circles. Naturally, I want to be a part of one of the best programs around, but of equal importance is my desire to be a part of the university as a whole. Despite not being a student, I feel that I have an ingrained connection with UT. I am the son, nephew and cousin of Texas alumni, brother of the current mascot, and I share my namesake with the state capitol.
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