Writing Feedback / Younger school children should be required to study art and music in addition to math [4]

Younger school children should be required to study art and music in addition to math, language, science and history.
"Histories make men wise; poets witty; the math subtle; natural philosophy deep; logic and rhetoric able to contend." Admittedly, just as Bacon said, math, history, science and history are critical to school children. However, we should not lose the sight of the positive influence on school children, namely, coloring their school life, broadening their horizon, and helping them find their true interest, etc. Hence, I hold the view that young school children should be required to study art and music.

Initially, courses about art and music can bright children's life. Could you imagine that: a child who is perfectly content with a wonderful song, capacity of creativity, passion and happiness, now is suddenly forced to sit still, shut up and listen while a grown-up scrawls about science on a blackboard and delivers monotonous math formula. Courses such as history, science are arranged one by one, which may leads children to grow tired of those courses, even the school life. However, they can definitely relax themselves when they listen to a piece of music or sing a song. Art brings kinds of color, perfect structure, and various shapes to children. Viewing beautiful pictures, they have a chance to relief their stress. When they study art or music, they don't need to recall the involved history affairs into their mind, solve the complicated math problem, or try to understand a knotty passage. So it is clear that studying art and music can surely color children's life.

Additionally, studying art and music will expand children's horizon. Those courses teach children the rudiments of art and music, promotes children's capacity to tell whether a picture good, and whether a band sounds out of tune. Besides, close link exists among courses. Extensive knowledge exerts positive effect on comprehension. For example, children can get a large quantity of information by analyzing a picture or a statue. Besides, compositions by musicians and folks show different characteristics, which may be helpful to understand the history. To be a person with profound knowledge, s/he must broad his or her vision, which comes from long years study extensively. Even though a child wants to be an expert on a field, his/her knowledge shouldn't be narrowed down to just one sphere.

Moreover, a child's true interest and merit can be found by studying music and art. Everyone has his/her strength and weakness. If courses are restrained to history, science and math, some children lose a chance to develop what they are skilled in and interested in. There is no denying that some children are good at math, language, but what if some are potential artists and musicians?

In conclusion, studying art and music is beneficial for children to have a colorful life, a broad horizon and an opportunity to find their true love. Thus, there is good sense in placing art and music into school children's syllabus.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL TOPIC:Newspaper is the best way of learning about a foreign country. [6]

Our curious about foreign countries never fades. If you are a travel enthusiast who is eager to get the travel route in Switzerland, if you are an investor who is pondering site of a branch office abroad, or if you are just a person who want to keep abreast of what happening outside your country, what kind of ways do you prefer, newspaper, internet, or TV? I am pretty sure there are better places to find this information than from the newspaper.

Initially, newspaper bears no resemblance to internet on magnitude. Information from newspaper usually is limited. As everyone knows, a piece of newspaper contains no more than 20 pages, including irrelative information such as advertisements. But internet provides amount of information and knowledge, with greater accuracy, detail, and linkable words than the paper version. Just as I said, want an explicit description about places of interest of a foreign country? Why not go to some traveling websites, which maintain well organized list. Also, reports on newspaper are just one-sided because opinions are narrowed down to specified reporters and editors. In contrast, millions of netizens air their own view on internet, which brings comprehensive information.

On the other hand, TV shows more vivid, indelible pictures than newspaper. Knowledge about a foreign country includes its conventions, culture and also, language. But through newspaper, we can never listen to the varieties dialects in different countries, enjoy diversity kinds of music, nor watch the local unique commemoration. For example, what if a language enthusiast would like to know the pronunciation? TV programs such as talk-shows, documentary films，can reflect the original culture, native customs, and daily life directly.

Last but not the least; newspaper is not professional to learn about a foreign country because it just gives some crush-courses. After all, newspaper is oriented to news. That is to say newspaper pays more attention to hot spots but not concentrate on a country. There are many sections in a piece of newspaper, for instance, economy, politics, science, sports and entertainment, so it is hard to introduce a country professionally.

There is no denying that newspaper is a really good way to get to know a country. Actually, we can learn a lot by reading newspaper. But if you want to learn about a foreign country deeply and systematically, newspaper is not the best choice.

Writing Feedback / Essay about: should jobs be taken by young people before a serious career start? [6]

Hi， I am wondering what can be improved about my essay, especially words and sentences.
topic:Do you think that young people should take several different kinds of jobs before they take a career in a long term?
Young people have varieties plans about their take a long term careers. Some people schedule a further study, some take professional training into their plans, and some just would like to get experience by working. While, we should not lose sight of the fact that people in a growing number prefer to try several different kinds of jobs before they take a career in a long time. Its benefits, in my opinion, overweigh injury.

Part-time job brings the "street smart" to the young people who maybe just have graduated from universities where they devote themselves into knowledge yet lack social skills. These young people can improve their ability of advertising themselves and build up their confidences through large number of interviews. Therefore, when facing obstacles in the long-term career, they can overcome the difficulties without a panic. The complex and sophisticated environment in diversity jobs will also give them a good taste of world out of the "bubble", where they learn to communicate, persuade and make compromise. It should not be even slightly surprising that students with social skills acquired from those jobs enjoy a common comfortableness of dealing with the colleagues, the boss in their future career.

Another advantage is that people can expand their social circle. People who have only one job live lives narrowed down to the single field composed by coworkers, bosses, and customers. However, trying different jobs is a great opportunity for them to get to know more people who probably even have nothing in common with them. Also, they have chance to make friends with persons in different occupation, who are helpful for their development. For example, an advertiser who used to work in a newspaper office has more chances to get a vacant on newspaper.

Besides, an obvious effect is that people might find their true interest by trying different jobs. Just as Law Vernon said, experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards. People hunt for jobs for many reasons, and most of them are oriented to making money, or raising family. They rarely take their interest into their account. Of course, some people even don't know their favorite career. For example, by trying different jobs, a music enthusiast may find s/he prefers to be a street performer, which brings him or her sense of success, rather than to be a music teacher.

So, it is presumptuous to judge whether a person should take several different kinds of jobs according to the salary, job security. The argument can be answered by the meaningful skills, increased experience and interest.