Undergraduate / Tutoring + "Mother Nature", extracurricular activities and importance of an issue [10]

people please, i need to keep up with the deadlines, I've more essays to be checked which I'll post soon, but first I really need feedback/corrections for this

thank you in advance. :)

Undergraduate / Tutoring + "Mother Nature", extracurricular activities and importance of an issue [10]

Thanks Kevin, I did my 3rd revamp of the 2nd prompt.... here it goes:

ESSAY NO. 2 REVAMPED (2nd try): Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you (250 words MINIMUM).

Football or soccer, also known as the "world game" is played everywhere around the world. Given its room for creativity and fast-paced flow, it has found prominence among the youth generation. I live in the UAE and here you'll find kids and teens playing the sport in any possible space; be it parks or parking lots. I've always enjoyed watching the game and I love to play it with my friends, but I'm usually disregarded whenever there's a match. It might be because of prejudice but I think the main reason is that I can't play the sport the same way as they can, and that I believe is because of my obese nature.

I've been stout since childhood but I didn't personally choose to be like that. My mother told me that when I was an infant, my aunt used to feed me a lot like mixing custard in the milk for example. Furthermore, my parents groomed me to focus only on my studies and I just never got the chance to explore physical fitness from early age. Its years now that I've realized what happened before was so wrong. My obesity also led me to face harsh times during my school life; I was constantly mocked and bullied by other kids in my school which heavily drained out whatever confidence or hope I had in myself that I'll ever get happy for once. It also caused a deep effect on my personality; shy, insecure and bookish were some words for my description and affected my ability to socialize with others. What's disheartening is that throughout the bullying, there was no one except my own conscience to support myself through the pain I went through; teachers never paid attention to my problem and my parents were always busy in their work.

As the torment continued, I just felt that I may die out of this world as a failure but surprisingly, I received a ray of hope at last. Call it fate but, in my senior year, I somehow never had any bullies, pressures or whatsoever in my life; I felt a sense of freedom for once. I made some good friends during my senior year who accepted me for who I am and helped me in gaining my self-esteem back. They also gave me motivation to seek out resources to combat my obesity for once that I had been neglecting for years, because there was no one to support me for it. I joined a football academy for a short time, although currently I go to a gym and follow strict diet and exercise routines. I strongly believe that our societies and authorities should also realize the seriousness of this issue and I think that there should be more friendly approaches in creating awareness regarding obesity among the youth, where emotional support should be provided to those who suffer from it. Moreover, physical education and dietary information should be assessed on individual level and be used in eradicating this ailment. I demand our governments to consider this issue for creating social welfare in our societies, and hopefully prevent further affliction of other individuals in the same manner as I had.

Getting rid of obesity was important because it had held me back for years, imprisoning me in my own cell of nervousness, and in order to live joyfully in this world, I had to break the chains and be free from it for once. Now as I go for a work-out, I just hope for the day when I'll finally be slim enough so that I can hopefully play football like Diego Maradona for once.

Feedback/Corrections would be appreciated, people! :)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: good qualities of a good neighbor; enthusiastic, easy-going, reliable [4]

I think Mark corrected everything the essay required, good job there.... btw can someone please correct mine? it'll be MUCH APPRECIATED! :)

P.S - While correcting mine, make sure to check the revamped version I've put for the correction in the COMMENTS section and not the original one, thx in advance!

Undergraduate / "the Hispanic community" - The World I Come From [5]

Ah, I think I must've overlooked them Mark... btw mind checking mine essays out, I really need corrections here [Tutoring + "Mother Nature", extracurricular activities and importance of an issue] (I made the originals but have put revamped versions of them in the comments section)

Undergraduate / Tutoring + "Mother Nature", extracurricular activities and importance of an issue [10]

Alright everyone I've revamped my second prompt as well, I thought over it and decided I change the issue from sewage waste to something more personal: obesity

Provide your feedback soon ppl, much appreciated.

Undergraduate / "the Hispanic community" - The World I Come From [5]

Hey Erika, its really a great essay (I've to admit its better than mine)... I'm pretty sure this is the MIT essay no? alright about the essay there are some corrections that I've done they're in red and some striking-out if you see...

People come from all over the world, each bringing something special to the mix of humanity. I come from a very common world, the world that makes up the majority in Southern California; the Hispanic community. My parents came to America as young adults, with no knowledge of the English Language or how society works. They came here with a goal; to make their lives better, to enjoy a land with freedom, and to persevere against the odds. My mom and dad pushed through the impossibilities and obstacles to make life easier for me and my siblings easier . I am first generation American, with Nicaraguan and Salvadorian blood running through my veins. My family has taught me that when all the odds are against you, it makes the accomplishments you make areworth while worthwhile. After countless failures and achievements, my parents were able to provide us with food, a roof above our heads, and eternal love. Their aspirations to reach for the stars landed them on a cloud. They tell me "Nevernever aim for a star, but aim for the world which you can conquer with hard work and perseverance. I was raised to always to my best and follow my instincts. I grew up surrounded by family, which is the antidote when the odds are against you. Because of the world I live in, my goals and aspirations are that much more important for me to achieve. I want to inspire others the way my family inspires me to do my best through writing and literature. I want to graduate with a PhD, the way my mom is struggling to accomplish. I want show the world that I can make a difference. All it takes is a little hard work and perseverancestep to go that extra mile .

I'm applying to MIT as well and if we get accepted then Inshallah we might be classmates. :) Hope the corrections were useful.

Undergraduate / Tutoring + "Mother Nature", extracurricular activities and importance of an issue [10]

Okay everyone, here's my revamp of the first prompt, I'll repeat the prompt for you all.

Plz provide your feedback people, I'll give my 2nd prompt's revamp soon... Reply soon plz! :D

Undergraduate / Tutoring + "Mother Nature", extracurricular activities and importance of an issue [10]

For the second one I'm thinking of completely revamping the whole thing.... about the first one, I chose tutoring because I live in UAE, and extracurricular activities are not like easily accessible, I'm not saying there aren't but the resources here are definitely limited compared to countries like US, UK, Australia or even India. Also I'm really good at teaching people its like my strong point so I thought elaborating it for the essay would be much easier. Thanks for the advice Sid, I'll post my revamped versions soon.

Undergraduate / Tutoring + "Mother Nature", extracurricular activities and importance of an issue [10]

People plz, I'm really desperate.... can anyone correct my essay/give grammar advice on it/review it... plz I really need it

Undergraduate / My struggle with teamwork and leadership [5]

Lines 2 & 5:- Never start a sentence with "Not" instead make it look like this:
.... to the side and watched the others, not because I couldn't do the work....

Generally speaking, the prompt asks to address "academic achievements", I felt you could have written more on that component of the statement, by giving a bit more info on academic distinctions or competitions you've participated in like spelling bees, quiz bowls, high honors rolls and awards if any.

I hope this was helpful :)