Posts by singcarcom

singcarcom

Oct 13, 2010

Undergraduate / North Korea lacks democracy and meritocracy - "Issue of importance" [4]

Omg, Hi Singaporean! =D

Umm, I think your essay is good but it sounds too much like a GP essay.

Your essay is primarily focused on the international issue and the part on importance is undermined. I think you can cut down on the description of North Korea 'cos I believe the Admission Officer will have some basic knowledge abt North Korea. I think you can make it even more personal so that this essay is unique to you. Throw away all the GP techniques for the time being.

I think that perhaps you can end off your essay with not only the importance of the issue, but how it also impacted you. Perhaps it changed your values or maybe your goals?

Jia you! =)

singcarcom

Oct 13, 2010

Undergraduate / Help/Suggestions for CA Prompt 1 - "I killed a Bird" [7]

Hi,

Thanks alot for your input. It is really useful. :) I agree that the last two paragraphs are a bit weak so I decided to replace them with 2 much shorter paragraphs.

I'm trying to show that I subconsciously resorted to escapism but realised that was not right. So i'm trying to imply that I will face and reflect upon my mistakes. I'm also trying to show what my 2nd last paragraph says. Are these shown?

Any more suggestions? Anyone?

Thanks a million in advance :)

singcarcom

Oct 7, 2010

Undergraduate / Dear Father; We were happy but most importantly, we were together! [7]

Hi,

I think if you can incorporate that into your main essay then it would a lot clearer.

I think #4 is possible. Cos I'm not sure if it was an event that had impacted you or a few events that allowed you to figure out what's going on that had impacted you. If it's just one event, your essay will fit into #4.

Btw just to clarify, for the 3 weeks that you mentioned, are you refering to the duration it took for your father to get involved in another woman of the duration you used to piece the missing pieces together?

singcarcom

Oct 6, 2010

Undergraduate / Dear Father; We were happy but most importantly, we were together! [7]

Hi,

Even though this is your first draft, it is very well written. :)

I think your essay fits more into 1 and 3. Cos it's the fact that you found out about your father's infidelity that had an impact on you, rather than your father himself.

However, is it possible for you to give a brief recount of how you discovered that? Maybe it's because I do not have a full picture of what you experienced, I found the following part a bit confusing.

'Three weeks. It took three weeks for something to happen, and I did not even make it happen. It was an accident.'

Good luck!

singcarcom

Oct 5, 2010

Writing Feedback / Marriage Partners: similar or not? [5]

Hi,

I think your essay is great. :)

Since you have focused alot on various aspects where similarity is good, would you like to touch on other points of arguments?

E.g. How being too similar can be a problem. If both of the marriage partners are very stubborn, then what will happen when they quarrel? No one will give in.

Or how two indecisive ppl marry then they'll be indecisive in making choices for the household.

Being different but complementary can also be a good thing. If the husband always focuses on the big picture, perhaps it is better that his wife is meticulous and looks into details. In this way, while they're different, they actually suit each other.

Sorry for rambling on. Just some points for your consideration. Hope it'll help.

singcarcom

Oct 5, 2010

Undergraduate / Help/Suggestions for CA Prompt 1 - "I killed a Bird" [7]

Hi,

Thanks a lot for your input! =D

With regards to the religion part, actually I am an atheist and have never had a religion. That's why I'm not sure how to fit that part in. Afterall, my values and perspectives have been shaped by literally everything and everyone that I've been in contact with because they all have influenced me to varying degrees. It is all the subtle influences that helped to define my character so I dun really think I can truly explain these in words.

Btw is my essay too long?

I have made some changes to my essay. Not sure good or bad. The edited parts are in italics:

Any form of feedback is welcomed. Be harsh if necessary.

Thanks a million =D

singcarcom

Oct 5, 2010

Undergraduate / "the purpose of life" - Brown University Supplements Essay Qns 3 [5]

Hi,

I think your essay is fantastic! =)

I believe what 'you don't know' yet is the purpose of your life and I think you portrayed this point pretty well by showing how your mindset changes as you grow and that you are still discovering more about yourself and your surroundings.

Just a few corrections:
Why must we think that an ordinary kind life is of lesser worth? 'Lesser' is a word that does not really exist

how todo we measure worth

takes time as ~~edification~~education does not come at an instant

Good luck! =D

singcarcom

Oct 2, 2010

Writing Feedback / Compulsory education for children between the ages of 5 and 15 [6]

Hi,

I guess one of the few obvious problems would be that education is expensive. Not all countries can afford that. Political and social factors are also in play. E.g. Certain communities living in rural areas may view education as redundant. In such cases, the people themselves won't support mandatory education.

There are a few links for you to consider:
ipsnews.net/news.asp?idnews=37155
debate.org/debates/Curent-high-school-education-should-not-be-mandatory/1/

singcarcom

Oct 2, 2010

Undergraduate / Help/Suggestions for CA Prompt 1 - "I killed a Bird" [7]

Hi,

The following is the prompt for the Common App essay that I am working on.

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I have some general questions:
1. Should I continue to work on this topic? Cos death is qutie a sensitive topic...
2. What does this essay tell you about me?

Any other comments or feedback? Thanks in advance!
______________________________________________________________________ ____________

I am a sinner. At only the age of nine, I took away the life of another.

It was an ordinary day, when my life would be changed forever. Simply out of my curiosity, I chose to take a detour that day while walking home from school. Even though I no longer remember the reason, I decided to walk on the grass along the curb rather than on the pathway itself. That was a mistake.

As I skipped along the path jovially, I suddenly felt something beneath my foot. Shocked, I lifted my leg and turned to catch a glimpse of what it was. To my horror, it was a pigeon. It curled up as it made a few agonizing sounds - a scene that would be entrenched deep in my mind. At that moment, a middle-aged Indian man who was right behind me witnessed the event. He pointed his fingers at me accusingly, stared into my eyes intently and murmured, "You're in trouble...You killed the bird..." I was traumatised; I was accused of murder. The man's words only intensified my guilt.

His words still rang in my head occasionally. Even though it was not instantaneous, I knew I had shortened the lifespan of that pigeon greatly. The pigeon's death left a greater impact on me than I imagined. Prior to the event, I could feel indifferent about killing insects. An insect's life meant little to me then. However, the pigeon's death demonstrated to me how precious each and every life is. Its death made me ponder over the sanctity of life. Who am I to assign values to lives? Every living thing has its rights to live; I never killed even an ant again.

That was not all. Since that day, I avoided grass fields as much as possible. I even subconsciously developed a habit of walking with my eyes fixed on the ground to keep an eye on where my feet were landing - this had saved the lives of a few snails and many insects. I was oblivious of this habit until someone told me three years ago, "Why are you always walking with your head looking downwards? It makes you look dejected all the time." I was stunned. I found out later that I had been afraid of repeating history - I did not have the courage to face my mistake. I did not want to claim responsibility over the pigeon's death and I wished that that day could be erased from my memory. This I soon realised was meaningless and immature because it could change nothing. After all, what is the purpose of crying over split milk when nothing is being done to remedy it?

Nine years ago, I killed a bird. Its death made me realise the hard way that I do not want to become a 'destroyer' in future - I want to become a 'creator'. Currently, I'm but an ordinary student. That is why I want to attend college - so that I can create more pathways for myself to create even more things. I strive to become a physicist who can create ideas, theories or materials that can one day become a positive force in the society.

Today, I am still a sinner. But for the rest of my life, I will redeem myself.

(548 words)

singcarcom

Oct 1, 2010

Faq, Help / Access denied and password change question [16]

I can post in other areas and gain access to individual threads.

However, whenever I try to get to this webpage: Undergraduate Admission I get Access Denied.

Is there any specific reason?

singcarcom

Oct 1, 2010

Writing Feedback / Compulsory education for children between the ages of 5 and 15 [6]

Hi,

I've made a few corrections as shown:

children who are educated carefully may ~~devote more~~be more devoted to both their countries and the world.

it is not attractive to foreigners to come and invest.

I think you did a good job up there and have considered various reasons for compulsory education for children of that age group. Would you like to consider the difficulties of implementing such policies in your essay or why is it that these are not done in some countries?

Siu Yi :)

singcarcom

Sep 30, 2010

Faq, Help / Access denied and password change question [16]

Hi,

My username is singcarcom.

This is my first thread so 1 and 3 should be out. I'm not so sure about 2 though.

Thanks.

singcarcom

Sep 30, 2010

Faq, Help / Access denied and password change question [16]

Access Denied! - Can I know the reason? Is it possible for this to be removed?

Hi,

I just joined this forum a few days ago and frankly speaking, I'm still very confused about the rules. Today I realised I could not access forum categories (esp Undergraduate Admissions) even though I can access individual threads.

Can I know the reason why I'm suspended? To be honest, I don't really remember posting anything before today, although it is not entirely impossible that I posted something and forgot about it.

Is it possible to remove this suspension?

If it's not, I would appreciate if I would at least know the reason. Thanks alot.

singcarcom

Sep 30, 2010

Undergraduate / UC Prompt1: "The Greatest Lesson Learned: Determination" [3]

Hi,

Generally I think your topic is fine. However, I think you need to focus more on your dreams and aspirations. Your essay describes what you have already done, but not really what you are aiming for and why. The parts on 'shaping' and your 'dreams and aspirations' need to be worked on.

Although your essay focuses on your school, I think you can answer the prompt even more explicitly and directly by using the word 'world'.

At the same time, I received advice from other people that it is not really meaningful to include GPA in your essays since those information will be provided in your school report. Your scores do not provide new information about you. If you want to touch on how you manage to pull your grades up, I think rather than to provide general statements, you can illustrate a few concrete examples. After that, you'll need to link this information with your dreams and aspirations though.

Sorry for being so long-winded. Hope it helps.

singcarcom

Sep 30, 2010

Book Reports / Adversity in the Sniper by Liam O Flaherty and how it changes the character [5]

As the story further develops, the sniper kills a soldier and onan informant.

DoDue to sudden curiosity

I agree with Mark that it is rather confusing which sniper you are referring to. Notice you used the word 'opposing' 4 times just within one paragraph. Is it possible to cite names?