Undergraduate / "My time at the home"- Common App short answer [9]

I understand that it is horrific to have to elaborate on something with less than 150 words. You write really well! Perhaps emphasize more on why you think it is important to connect with people...it's a little vague in that sense..but then again, you only have 150 words so I understand.

Undergraduate / Irish-American, dad's escape, mom's immigration - WashU in st.louis common app [4]

It's really good! However, I think it would be better if you limited the describing of stereotypical irish people with all the Guiness draughts, but focus on the hardships your family faced..specifically what about it made you who you are now, and why it makes you stand out among other common app people.

The introduction has potential to be something amazing. But the first sentence doesn't strike any interest in me. It was only through reading on did I find this piece inspiring. Perhaps instead of asking: "Where did I come from? Why did my family come to America? How can I fulfill the legacy of my Irish family heritage?", limit that to one sentence about questions flooding your mind, questions that suddenly strike your inquisitiveness.

Here you say, "Dad tried to brush off my sudden curiosity in my Irish heritage, but I was persistent. Finally, he told me his story."

Perhaps mention how persistent you were. Research? Irish studies? Days spent in pouring over books in the library?

Undergraduate / "The experience with Roberto" - MEANINGFUL EXPERIENCE [6]

"The man, Roberto, stood on the corner of the street and pointed to the small patch of green which constituted as a "park". It was a mediocre plot of greenery at its best, but he told us that it meant the world to the children of the neighborhood and served as their only source of escape from the tough situations they faced at home."

That part sounds negative to me...I'm not quite sure why...I think it might have to do with the fact that you added quotes to the word "park" and mentioned it as a mediocre plot.

But you could spice it up by describing how YOU would envision it to be, like why having you on their team will make it that much better.

Oh and because this is USC, I know for a fact that they like their answers to be specific. In the fact that they generally hear that people want to grow up to help people. So you should end it saying why USC NEEDS to have YOU in their school, what specific professions you think could benefit not only you, but bring great pride back to the school.

Check out my prompts and throw back the feedback!

Undergraduate / "The experience with Roberto" - MEANINGFUL EXPERIENCE [6]

"little did I know that this day would influence my future prospects." --> it's a bit generic for this type of prompt

I like your idea, however, it's a little dull in my opinion. I would definitely emphasize more on your successful summer rather than the negative images that have dawned upon you. You could also mention why you felt the urge to help instead of describing the intent of destroying the park in such detail. That way, it'll give the reader a greater idea of who you are rather than the neighborhood situation in your hometown.