Posts by victoriayu

victoriayu

Oct 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "dance; the applause after performances" - commonapp activities essay 150 words [4]

thank you so much, it really helps.
"Hearing that, I gritted my teeth in order not to cry as my dance classmate did when we were training basic skills. " because training basic skills is always tough and hurt...which part is complex?gritted teeth? or the logic?

victoriayu

Oct 22, 2010

Undergraduate / "dance; the applause after performances" - commonapp activities essay 150 words [4]

here's my commonapp 150 words essay. how's the grammar? (i really did bad in grammar..)

plz give me some suggestions about the content.

"Oh no, that's hurt. I can't bear it!" Hearing that, I gritted my teeth in order not to cry as my dance classmate did when we were training basic skills. I could hardly endure the hurt from my leg on the wall forming an angle of 180 degrees with the other leg. I knew that cry would not help but make you become more tired. Perseverance, the most important quality I learned from my dance class, could help me finally achieve goals. Learning china classic dance for more than ten years, I became more confident and willing to express my sentiment which helped me in communicating with others. I believed that every excellent dancer should be a brave and confident guy in the life. Although sometimes I got frustrations in dancing, I always optimistic to face the problems. Because when I received the applause after performances, I thought all the efforts were not in vain.

victoriayu

Oct 22, 2010

Undergraduate / "An unlikely musician" - extracurricular activities, Commonapp short answer [6]

good essay, i don't have any suggestion.

i can feel the passion you have for music.
do you want to describe sth besides your passion? if you do, you may focus on other points. i can't get other information more than your passion.

it's really impressed if you just want to describe your love for music. :)

victoriayu

Oct 22, 2010

Undergraduate / Common App Extracurricular Activity: "Eagle Scout Project" (editing, suggestions...) [3]

the project sounds good and the essay is very nice!
one suggestion: you can add the community's feedback of your project which will be more convinced

victoriayu

Oct 15, 2010

Undergraduate / "promote Asian culture to society" - CommonApp - found SilkRoad@SZ(NGO) [2]

After I saw the children who showed great eager to study on the photos, I really grateful for the experience of founding SilkRoad in SZ. A NGO originally founded in California by a Chinese student, SilkRoad's goal is to promote Asian culture to society, raising money for people in need, and developing education in their world countries.

In the last whole year, we held charity sales, conducted fund-raising, and helped the education in poor area in China. SilkRoad gives me the chance to do charity directly but not just donate money to an organization. I contacted three high schools in SZ to collect books and stationaries for Hong Kong Baptist University Gansu&Guizhou Sustainable Service Team. After the donated things were given to the students there, I received testimonials and photos I mentioned in the beginning from them. I realized maybe I did a little for improving the situation, but they received hopes rather than books.

There is already 156 words...is that ok?
And please give me some advice~~both the words and content~thx^^