akshays1993
Oct 21, 2010
Writing Feedback / ielts essay: what is happiness? I still do not find the answer [2]
I think this essay answers the question, but it seems to lack depth. You address the issue that happiness is open to multiple interpretations by different kinds of people, but you seem to lose out on the third question ("What factors are important in achieving happiness?")
I think this is where colleges want you to introduce a little bit of yourself into your work. The notion that everybody has different conceptions of happiness is an observation that can be made of anyone, but what is your own thesis on what factors can generally define happiness?
The following sentence appears to be the mentality you advocate:
"By contrast, some people define happiness as giving and they come alive by helping other people."
I would develop this idea more. If you believe this to be true, try to define the essential components of happiness, and refer to examples or people in your own life. Good luck.
I think this essay answers the question, but it seems to lack depth. You address the issue that happiness is open to multiple interpretations by different kinds of people, but you seem to lose out on the third question ("What factors are important in achieving happiness?")
I think this is where colleges want you to introduce a little bit of yourself into your work. The notion that everybody has different conceptions of happiness is an observation that can be made of anyone, but what is your own thesis on what factors can generally define happiness?
The following sentence appears to be the mentality you advocate:
"By contrast, some people define happiness as giving and they come alive by helping other people."
I would develop this idea more. If you believe this to be true, try to define the essential components of happiness, and refer to examples or people in your own life. Good luck.