Posts by Austyboy08

Austyboy08

Oct 17, 2010

Undergraduate / "double-major in History and Economics" - Georgetown University Essay #2 [4]

Very nice! Strong ending. A little repetitive but good! I see how it is necessary and it helps tie back to the rest of th paper. I really don't have anything to say but good luck and i hope you make it! Sounds like you got your head in the right place. Keep up the hard work!

Austin

Austyboy08

Oct 17, 2010

Poetry / "I recall your gentle touch" - Poem Corrections [5]

In the morning, as I gaze at the luminous colours of spring,

Other than that it sounds good!
I like!

Austyboy08

Oct 17, 2010

Poetry / "My Sleepy Girl" - is this poem fine? [7]

Thank you very much!

Covers like clouds lay over her hips, (what covers like cloud? her head?)

-Covers, like your bed sheets, (laying on her body like a cloud would on the ground) and its supposed to imply that they are only pulled up on to her hips. The upper half of her body being exposed. Do you think it needs to be rewritten to better describe that picture?

Thanks again!

Austyboy08

Oct 16, 2010

Poetry / "My Sleepy Girl" - is this poem fine? [7]

Hey all,
I am a writer by no means! This all just popped into my head to day and i had to write it down. Just want to see if it is any good. I don't even know if it is formated correctly, please help me out with anything that comes to mine.

Thank you!!!

"My Sleepy Girl"

Rhythm of my heart and my sleepy girl's breathing,
Her almond eyes that have fallen asleep,
Lips like silky red ribbon,
Inviting and alluring me,
Her face drenched in night moonlight,
Comely and beautiful still
The glow of her body warming my skin,
Watching her breast rise and fall like the ocean sea,
As she lay her head down on me,
Covers like clouds lay over her hips,
Enticing me ever still,
And the smell of her hair,
Lingering on my skin,
I've been claimed by her scent once again,
Playing the night over and over again,
Letting that night never end,
My sleepy girl's breathing,
My heart still is beating,
...again and again, again.

Thoughts?