Posts by eriswens

eriswens

Oct 18, 2010

Undergraduate / "I saw a tragic accident" - UF admission essay-July 2007 [4]

June 2007 was by far one of the most life changing moments I ever experienced. That was the night that as I was walking outside under the stars, I saw a tragic accident take place.

Instead, how about you trim your intro to "I was walking out under the stars, when I witnessed a tragedy".

In my opinion, less wordy makes it more powerful.

eriswens

Oct 18, 2010

Undergraduate / UCF how my family influences my environment my personality and nature [4]

The sentence, "My Family plays an enormous role in the ways of influencing my environment my personality and nature by only providing me with minimal confidence to succeed in a challenging environment." seems to be contradictory.

Instead, maybe say, "Throughout my life, my family has interacted with me in such a way that I am not destined for success. I disagree, as I have grown older I have realized that I can succeed, and the only person in charge of making that a reality is me."

eriswens

Oct 18, 2010

Undergraduate / "Taiwanese and Americans" - Common App: "...what you would bring to the diversity..." [4]

Make the sentence "In Taiwan, things were much different." more specific. For example, you could say that "In Taiwan, it was not possible to spend an improbable amount of time on the internet. Instead, the kids were forced to interact in a personal way and as a result found immense satisfaction in what seemed to be a trivial experience."

eriswens

Oct 18, 2010

Undergraduate / "I enjoy reading for pleasure" -MIT short answer [6]

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

This is what I have so far;

For the pleasure of it, I enjoy reading books. Ever since I was a little kid, I remember staying up into the ridiculous hours of the night just to finish an entertaining book. Although the time limits how many books I can read these days, I still love an opportunity to read Stephen King's latest masterpiece. Reading has always been an activity that I have enjoyed, and the sensation that I can be transported to some other time and place and experience new things is something I enjoy and can always find in a new novel.

Any help would be greatly appreciated :)