Undergraduate / "An unlikely musician" - extracurricular activities, Commonapp short answer [6]

Great essay, really brings out the passion you have for music. I really like the first sentence- "The first day I opened my mouth to sing a solo in the school choir, hundreds of jaws in our school's auditorium dropped in disbelief."

Just make these corrections-
Through the guidance of my music teachers, a husband and wife team that has become like my adoptive parents, I have deepened my understanding of music as a means of bringing joy to others.

These electric performances, in which a hundred of us performed joyous African choral pieces,
Otherwise its a very good short answer. Well done.

Undergraduate / "I enjoy reading for pleasure" -MIT short answer [6]

It's good till now, but it doesn't suggest how reading has influenced you. Has it given you a better understanding of the world? Has it brought about a change in your own character? You need to elaborate a little on the impact reading has had on you, even though it is something you do for pleasure.