Posts by michiez13

michiez13

Oct 26, 2010

Undergraduate / Chinese background mixed with America and a hint of passion for dance [7]

hey! you're essays are really good I like them alot :]
on the first one i just saw a grammatical error on this sentence: (run-on sentence)

I have been blessed with the privilege of going to a public school instead of a private school which gave me the opportunity to express myself without the barriers that school uniforms gave me and experience the diversity of people all the while offers me opportunities to succeed in a friendly environment.

Maybe you can change it to this:

I have been blessed with the privilege of going to a public school instead of a private school, which gave me the opportunity to express myself without the barriers of school uniforms. All the while, it allowed me to experience the diversity of people and offer me opportunities to succeed in a friendly environment.

Many of the people I know, although they graduated from college, have only become house wives. Not that it's a bad thing but I want a career and be able to provide for my self regardless of my marital status.

you can change it to:

Many of the people I know that have graduated from college there, have been limited in pursuing their career and were only able to become house wives. There is nothing wrong with this lifestyle, but I know that I am capable of pursuing in the career of my choice and be able to provide for myself regardless of my marital status or background.

I am very proud of you I wish you the best of luck as well!
I honestly really like your first essay because it really shows your character and your background and how hard you've work to overcome all your struggles. The second one is good as well it really shows your artistic side

maybe you can take out this sentence: When my friends are out playing, I would be home finishing an art piece that my teacher assigned to me.

great job!

michiez13

Oct 26, 2010

Undergraduate / "That's the magic of Math!" - Common app [8]

I really like your essay, there's just some grammatical mistakes like :

"Oh I got it!" I jumped up as the fascination hits me

"Why the result is less when multiplying an integer with a fraction?, "

AP Statistics

deverivative --> derivative

I felt more accomplished ever! ----> I felt even more accomplished!

You can maybe change the last sentences to this:

Now as a senior, although I don't have anymore math courses, math continues to be everywhere. It amazes how math can be so closely related with other subjects such as Physics and Chemistry, and how more people are becoming fascinated with the magic of the subject. As I see the new AP Calculus students indulge in the fascination of math, I am there helping them along the way, hearing the familiar joy in the voices of students saying, "Oh! I got it!"

michiez13

Oct 26, 2010

Undergraduate / "A childhood experience in Bolivia" UF essay [3]

hi! my name is michelle I'm having some trouble with my essay for UF and I'm not sure if I should change my topic or not. here is the prompt and this is what i have been working on:

In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

Ever since I can remember, my mother has taught me to care for and love my family and to treat everyone with kindness, respect and dignity. These customs have stayed with me throughout my life and have influenced me to be the person I am today: dedicated, responsible, and honest.

I clearly remember the time when I traveled back to my home country, Bolivia, for Christmas with my family. A group of children and teenagers knocked on the door of our house to play traditional music for us as a way to earn some money to buy food for their families. As they played, my mother went inside the house and took a bag of toys my sister and I had, and she asked us to give them all the toys as a gift. I went directly to the little girl my age and gave her a toy, feeling a sense of joy and pride I never experienced before. At that moment, I was only in pre-school and had everything a girl would want, a home and a loving family. That's when I realized that the majority of the children in the world were not as fortunate as I was. I knew that there was no way I could fix this problem all by myself, but I also knew that somehow I could help in my own way.

After this experience, I knew I wanted to continue to help in the future. This dedication I developed in helping others and expressing acts of kindness continued towards my commitment in academics. My mom has always told me that if I wanted to accomplish any goal in my life and be successful, education was extremely important. Her words have stayed in my mind since then, and now I am constantly challenging myself to work hard. Because of their constant support, I strive myself to work hard, be successful and achieve my goals in life, creating a balance in my dedication in academics and helping others.

The University of Florida is widely recognized as an institution that is dedicated to serving the interests of society.