Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by accepptmyflawz
Joined: Oct 27, 2010
Last Post: Oct 30, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 9  

From: usa

Displayed posts: 10
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accepptmyflawz   
Oct 30, 2010
Undergraduate / collecting tears because of heart-touching works -commonApp essay [8]

Well I like what you are trying to dowith the essay but I think you need to focues more on how it changed you as a person It like you essay have no focus point and is a little evry where focus on each event or character and write in detail about that and in your closing sentence connect it with the next event/character/show in the paragraph etc. GOOD LUCK
accepptmyflawz   
Oct 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Club I founded - UPenn/Wharton Commonapp Essay [4]

There was reason to celebrate - our newly-minted math club, The [anon] High School Math Society, had just registered its 30th member and was already into its 4th month, an eternity for a fledgling club like ours.

SPELL ITS OUT NEVER USE contractions IN PROFESSIONAL PAPERS.
THe start of your essay it a lil interestinf than the last sentence is boring. It is not catchy enough to me. best of luck
accepptmyflawz   
Oct 30, 2010
Undergraduate / City of Brotherly Love - UPENN SUPPLEMENT [4]

I am doing a essay for temple needs to be due monday too lol...

I think you should spell out the #4. I think you should also speel out the disorder and the organization that you were in .

What can I do to change this society so that people will start caring for others? I believe I can find that answer in the city of brotherly love.

I aspire to truly raise awareness for people with disabilities, and show others that what makes us humans is not the outer appearance or behavior, but the heart, and determination to succeed in life with or without disabilities in these organizations.( This whole sentence needs to be revised I have suggestions but am not sure about the punctuation. you need a semicolon somewhere in her I am not sure but you have to compound sentences everywhere. I like what you are trying to say. I am not a professional just trying to help But I love your intro best of luck.)

What can I do to change society, so people will start caring for others? I believe I can find that answer in the city of brotherly love.
accepptmyflawz   
Oct 28, 2010
Undergraduate / What do you see yourself explore in U Penn? - Supplement [4]

I like your beginning but you need to give some examples relating to why you are fascinated by it(>>>) and examples relating to you r father. Without, supporting examples sentences are weak.

Good beginning. I have a paper to do I am going to try help you more tomorrow k.
accepptmyflawz   
Oct 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "My goal is to establish an exquisite fashion line and donate" - Temple essay [14]

OR Please tell us more about yourself. Relate one or more experiences or circumstances that have contributed to your personal and/or academic development. If you have been out of school for a year or longer, please discuss your activities during that period of time.

This is all I came up with

Temple University Essay

If you every come to my city on a cold winter night you would notice the snow is never white. If you ever walked down my street you would notice rats in trashcans and garbage in the gutter. If you ever took a tour through my high school, you would wonder if it was a jungle. Than after you seen all that your eyes could bare you would think to yourself how could a person live here. I have always been ambitious and knew I would succeed in life. No matter what obstacles came my way. I have always held my head high and figured away to learn from my mistakes, rather than sit and complain. Regardless of what people said I never wanted to be a statics, with that in me I was bound to be different.

Growing up in Baltimore, Maryland was a nightmare for many but a journey for me. I grew up in a row home off of Calvert street and North avenue. Because of the people hanging out on the corners and the drugs that polluted the streets; my neighborhood was called a high risk area. Despite the drug activity that surrounded me on a daily basis I loved my neighborhood, I had friendly neighbors, nice classmates, and the best grandmother in the world. My grandmother never told me she loved me but I knew she did. She worked just so I could have clothes on my back and an education that I could fall back on. Elouise was a serious person but she liked to joke as well. She would always say, "I might do not have a lot of money, but I have my brains and I will never be anyone's fool." I never really grasp the concept of that until I got older. I have always loved and appreciated my grandmother for the effort she made to instill morals and values in me. I believe despite the hardship is was for her to put me through private school she was proud that I would have a good education.

In spite of my parents being absent from my life, I have always enjoyed school. Teachers would praise me for how well I would speak up for myself and how consistent I was with asking questions when I did not understand. Even though, I did not always make the best grades in school, I never gave up. I always tried and no matter how much people discouraged me I continued to further my education. While I never really had a favorite Subject in school besides English, I have always been infatuated with fashion. After I had taken a fashion and design class during my sophomore year of high school; I began to develop an ultimate respect for art, whether it was film, poetry, or fashion. Because people always made remarks towards my wardrobe, I learned how to imply their criticism to my style. Style is relevant: it is not just a world of fantasy and fame. It is more than a creation: fashion is how I, as an artist communicate myself through the art of design. I am a trend setter, therefore, fashion is my passion.

Fashion is important because it's a means of self-expression, it enables me to make a statement to the world about who I am as an individual. My love for fashion is much greater than most; it is the fireworks that sparkle on the fourth of July: reminding society of the day America became independent. Fashion has played a major role in my life, being essential for me to stand out in a crowd of black sheep's. As far back as I can remember I have always had a sense of style, not always as trendy as supermodels, but unique in its own way. After watching runway show I would always imagine my wardrobe being presented with John Galliano or Christian Dior (two well respected designers) the thought of it would make my heart explode with overwhelming joy.

Over the years my style have changed, some being more dramatic than others such as: raw punk, formal attire and chic, just to name a few. While I cannot always convey an vivid image of who I am as young women, my creativity with fabric and patterns allow me to articulate my individuality. Because of my bubble personality, I made a lot of friends in my life, even though I have always been different from my peers. While in high school people would wear what was in, I would wear bright bold colors, loose jeans with tight shirt, sometimes I would even wear skirts down to my ankles with a tight fitting ripped top. Many people admire my style and many people do not appreciate my talent. Growing up in Baltimore have taken a toll on my views of fashion, it is a way of life for the residents in this city. Because of peoples terrible attempts to set trends, my interest in fashion and design have involved into a goal that I will achieve.

My goals are to establish an exquisite fashion line and donate a generous amount of clothing to less fortunate organizations. Loneys' love contour will coherent my ability to be creative and produce the attire that will be unique in its own style. After, I graduate Temple University, I would like to travel to Paris, Japan, and New York, so I can experience diverse fashion developments. I expect Temple to not only inform me of fashion and design techniques but to go above and beyond to make certain, I as a scholar, am following my dreams. I will participate in educational events to help give back to my community, by join organization, attending community meeting, and helping raise funds to keep such organization active. Loneys' Love Contour will be dedicated to Elouise Loney: my loving grandmother, Because if it was not for her believing in me I would not be the determined women I am today.
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