collecting tears because of heart-touching works -commonApp essay

This is the essay for common application. Topic of my own choice. I really need some comments on it. Thx~
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I have a collection of tears, tears that fall because of heart-touching works.
The first work in my collection is a short Chinese story about a girl with a terminal illness abandoned by her parents. One snowy day the girl goes to the countryside with her grandmother. She tries to make a snowman, but is too weak to do so. Her grandmother tells her to rest for a while. The story ends with the grandmother sitting silently, becoming encapsulated by the snow.

When I first read this story, I could not stop crying. It was probably the most heart-touching passage I had ever read. The poor girl stirred my sympathy, but it was her grandmother's strength that brought me to tears. The story shows the value of family. Had the girl not been abandoned by her parents, she would not have felt the utter loneliness of losing her grandmother.

Several days after reading this story, I happened to watch a few heart-wrenching movies, and I realized that I needed to set up a collection of such stories and movies. Sadness is one of the most beautiful and most complicated of human emotions, moving us to tears.

My collection covers a diverse array of characters. When I cried for those heroic civilians in Bodyguards and Assassins who devoted their lives to revolution, I understood how physically weak a single person was and how mentally strong the same person could be. When I cried for the father in Ink who, after hurting himself and his family, finally came back to his daughter, I realized that family is the most important part of my life. I even cried during the last episode of Friends, thinking of all the happy days these six people spent together in the apartment they were all leaving. I realized how valuable true friends were.

Collecting these tear-jerking works doesn't make me sentimental or overly emotional. Instead, it makes me more sensitive to others' feelings. My emotional sensitivity makes me the person that my friends confide in when they are going through a tough time. I am able to offer reasonable advice while also providing a shoulder to cry on.

I remember in junior high, having a friend who was extremely shy, and the boys in my class made fun of him for being so quiet. I sat next to him for three years, and we eventually became close friends. I can still recall the words he said to me after class one day: "You are very nice. You are different from the others."

Also, by collecting these stories of emotional turmoil, I'm able to keep in perspective how lucky I am to lead a happy and prosperous life. I try to help and show my gratitude every day: Sending thank-you cards to people who have helped me, helping take care of parentless children, and visiting my junior high teachers every semester. I hope that my small acts of kindness and gratitude will bring happiness to people around me.

Human beings become great creatures after processing the tenderness of emotions. I will continue collecting works that stir my emotions to remind myself of one fundamental truth: We are forged by the emotional polarities that we face throughout our lives.

540 words

I think you can talk more about your shy deskmate. Did you change him into a more outgoing and daring to laugh person? How? Why did he think you are nice and different?

summer~

THX!
some people say this essay talks about too many things, but I write more than one thing to show more about my character. What do you think?

Maybe you should focus on one or two things. (we've already talked about this in class :)
( Do you think meeting classmates on this foreign website is a kind of weird?~~ haha~~)

I don't think writing about several things are bad, but having a stressing point is good. Then you'll create waving emotions. What other characters of you do you want to express except you are sensitive to feelings wish to help others? I guess I missed other messages...

PS.: Thanks for your advice! I myself feel very confused about the subjects^^

Well I like what you are trying to dowith the essay but I think you need to focues more on how it changed you as a person It like you essay have no focus point and is a little evry where focus on each event or character and write in detail about that and in your closing sentence connect it with the next event/character/show in the paragraph etc. GOOD LUCK

I don't get it. When did the grandmother die? Is that why she was being covered by snow?

I like this essay a lot. I hope you have a chance to read about the "genuine heart of sadness" in a book called Shambhala by Trungpa.

You write very well, so it is hard to find mistakes. If you want to improve your already-good grammar, you can make a little change here:

My emotional sensitivity makes me the person in whom my friend s confide when they are going through a tough time.

:-)

actually my grandmother is still alive. The grandma who died is in a story. I hope you get it now.
Thank you very much for the help!
:-)