starfire
Nov 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Brown "Everything that I do not know" essay response [4]
Thank you for the thorough review! I will take it to heart.
Thank you for the thorough review! I will take it to heart.
starfire
Nov 1, 2010
Scholarship / Hispanic Scholarship Fund-Describe a recent academic challenge you have faced Essay [3]
Don't mention Chuck Norris. It is unprofessional for this type of essay and looks adolescent.
What does this mean "the class got consumed up in quiet" reword this confusing phrase.
"some almost peed their pants " silly, rephrase
"had a passion for physics. A light bulb in my head turned on."
"...explaining it to me in great detail ."
There are a few other simple gramatics at the end. I don't think it's constructive to say u went dancing in people's face that you got an A.
Also, it took just one conversation to understand pyhsics? That arguement seems a little unrealistic. you may want to address the time that it took and hard work to get the concepts.
Overall, not bad. Needs some work, but not bad at all. Good luck!
Don't mention Chuck Norris. It is unprofessional for this type of essay and looks adolescent.
What does this mean "the class got consumed up in quiet" reword this confusing phrase.
"some almost peed their pants " silly, rephrase
"had a passion for physics. A light bulb in my head turned on."
"...explaining it to me in great detail ."
There are a few other simple gramatics at the end. I don't think it's constructive to say u went dancing in people's face that you got an A.
Also, it took just one conversation to understand pyhsics? That arguement seems a little unrealistic. you may want to address the time that it took and hard work to get the concepts.
Overall, not bad. Needs some work, but not bad at all. Good luck!
starfire
Nov 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Baseball - Giving Back to the Club (Critique needed) Common App [4]
"I felt it was only natural to give back and volunteer to help (<<redundant, remove) with their many activities.
"Whether it be working the players" working? like training? Use more descriptive word.
Other then that, your essay is short and to the point about the responsibility you gained and earned. Good job!
"I felt it was only natural to give back and volunteer to help (<<redundant, remove) with their many activities.
"Whether it be working the players" working? like training? Use more descriptive word.
Other then that, your essay is short and to the point about the responsibility you gained and earned. Good job!
starfire
Nov 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Brown "Everything that I do not know" essay response [4]
I would really appreciate if someone would give me some really deep and creative feedback on the topic and content of my essay. Grammatical corrections are welcomed as well!
What don't I know is everything.
For a huge part of my life I had a different worldview. I thought that I knew a lot, and that the little I did not know, I could learn easily. Today I could write a nametag that said "naïve" right on my chest.
During the refreshing spring of my Junior year, I decided to take a college Physics class. I had studied Biology, Chemistry, and Mathematics before, how hard could a little Physics be? Besides that fact that the room was actually air-conditioned, I was in for a big surprise.
Physics undermined my entire perception of the real world. I thought I understood how to walk, or how to put a book down, yet here I was learning about normal force and inertia. Simple everyday tasks that I had congratulated myself for being able to accomplish, crumbled like stones in my mind. Even though I found the concepts destructive at first, I learned to see the knowledge as humbling.
If I do not understand the basic motion of a pendulum, how can I say that I really know a plethora of topics? I decided that I needed to reevaluate what I did and did not know. I ended up studying some ancient philosophers to find a basis on what I do and do not understand.
I now follow Rene Descartes philosophical reasoning. Doubt everything. By doubting everything, I cannot know anything. The only thing I can know is myself. Because I can think of myself thinking, I am real.
Because I know that I am real, I can only "know thy self." By knowing myself and practicing theory and practice, I can strip away the fickle assumptions of my old way of thinking and uncover the tangible truth. This is why today I can comfortably write a nametag that says "enlightened."
I would really appreciate if someone would give me some really deep and creative feedback on the topic and content of my essay. Grammatical corrections are welcomed as well!
What don't I know is everything.
For a huge part of my life I had a different worldview. I thought that I knew a lot, and that the little I did not know, I could learn easily. Today I could write a nametag that said "naïve" right on my chest.
During the refreshing spring of my Junior year, I decided to take a college Physics class. I had studied Biology, Chemistry, and Mathematics before, how hard could a little Physics be? Besides that fact that the room was actually air-conditioned, I was in for a big surprise.
Physics undermined my entire perception of the real world. I thought I understood how to walk, or how to put a book down, yet here I was learning about normal force and inertia. Simple everyday tasks that I had congratulated myself for being able to accomplish, crumbled like stones in my mind. Even though I found the concepts destructive at first, I learned to see the knowledge as humbling.
If I do not understand the basic motion of a pendulum, how can I say that I really know a plethora of topics? I decided that I needed to reevaluate what I did and did not know. I ended up studying some ancient philosophers to find a basis on what I do and do not understand.
I now follow Rene Descartes philosophical reasoning. Doubt everything. By doubting everything, I cannot know anything. The only thing I can know is myself. Because I can think of myself thinking, I am real.
Because I know that I am real, I can only "know thy self." By knowing myself and practicing theory and practice, I can strip away the fickle assumptions of my old way of thinking and uncover the tangible truth. This is why today I can comfortably write a nametag that says "enlightened."
