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Baseball - Giving Back to the Club (Critique needed) Common App


chrispigs 2 / 4  
Nov 1, 2010   #1
150 Word Elaboration on An Extracurricular Activity. Any advice would be great!!!

Baseball is a huge part of my life and thanks to the Montclair Baseball Club, I have not only built baseball skills, but strong character as well. Having played in the club for so long, I felt it was only right to give back and volunteer to help with their many activities. Over the years many annual events are held in the name of the club, and I find that they now call on me as a reliable source for support. As my participation increased, so did the responsibility that was left in my hands. I have gone from being an occasional helper to having the responsibilities of an assistant coach. Whether it be working the players during tryouts or helping children with special needs in the annual Challenger Game, I am always keeping busy by helping those who made me the player and person I am today.

Glad to hear anything. Thanks
starfire 1 / 3  
Nov 1, 2010   #2
"I felt it was only natural to give back and volunteer to help (<<redundant, remove) with their many activities.

"Whether it be working the players" working? like training? Use more descriptive word.

Other then that, your essay is short and to the point about the responsibility you gained and earned. Good job!
OP chrispigs 2 / 4  
Nov 1, 2010   #3
thanks alot. Much appreciated
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 11, 2010   #4
...source for of support.

Less is more: I am always keeping busy by helping those who made me the player and person I am today.

:-)


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