Writing Feedback / topic - condom machines in school [NEW]

hi gloria! This is the same assignment as the other essay i sent u. i am doing two essays and sending one in for marking, while other one for completion. here is my second possible canidate: tnx again! i will ask later for possible selection after i rewrite some parts of my other essay.

Topic 3: Should condom machines be installed in the washrooms at Mac

Sexuality, more exposed than ever, is now a common part of the society. As social and moral standards start to loosen, so have the clothes on human bodies. No longer a taboo, messages for sexual freedom and curiosity widely spread through the media, namely the television and Internet. With freedom comes responsibility. Teenagers, with little knowledge of their actions, tend to explore the world of sexuality and end up with dire consequences. Teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases are all consequences of sex by teenagers who are careless of their actions. The use of condoms is one way to prevent such consequences, and by installing condom machines in Sir John A. Macdonald, students will have a smaller chance to suffer from their mistakes.

Teenage sex can result in unwanted pregnancies, a huge burden on teenagers' lives. Before they were educated, most teenagers know little to nothing about sex and its consequences; and even if they knew, when their hormones are demanding for action, nothing could have matter more than pleasure. While doing so, few teenagers ever bothered to put on condoms, or have condoms at their disposal because they want to keep their sexual activities as a secret. Unfortunately, unprotected sex can result in pregnancy, and when it happens there is little anyone can do. Teenage pregnancies are more than just a stain on family's reputation. The participating teenagers are required to take on the harsh responsibility of providing support for their child, both financially and emotionally, while trying to stay in school and live their own lives. Obviously, juggling full- or part-time work as well as schoolwork can be physically and emotionally draining, and should not be done by teenagers. Most teenagers who are unfortunate to experience teenage pregnancy are far from prepared. Providing support for their infant can destroy their health, and forcing them to drop out of school to have more time to take care of the child. If the teenagers' parents neglect them, it can end in a tragedy with both the teenagers' and their child's lives ruined.

While it is true that placing condom machines in Mac might act as a sign, suggesting students to participate in sexual activities. But with the topic of sexuality widely found on media and in social discussions, parents could no longer shield their children's eyes and hope they remain "innocent". Nonetheless, if teenagers somehow found out about sex, parents can do little to stop them from trying, even if they knew. The bottom line is: condom machines cannot possibly encourage teenagers to have sex more than they already want to. So why should not they be installed in Mac to promote a healthy and consequence-free sex life? A bit of possible social embarrassment can prevent mistakes, and save lives in the long run.

Sexually transmitted disease is another reason why condom machines should be installed in Mac. STDs is not a joke; if untreated, it can cause serious health issues such as infertility, or even death. STDs is dangerous because no one knows if they have them, even if they never had sexual contact, and some symptoms do not surface for years. Although one can check with a specialized doctor about STDs, most teenagers are too embarrassed to do so, or foolishly thinking that they do not have it. There are only two ways to protect oneself from STDs: total abstinence or the use of condom during sex. Since the teenagers in the modern society are already exposed or even encouraged to be curious of sexual activities, the only thing that can protect their health is by educating them on sex and providing them with condoms. Comparing to ten years ago, most teenagers nowadays are informed about condoms and their usage. But most teenagers are still too embarrassed to ask their parents for condoms, predicting an almost certain rejection or worse. Indeed, parents are not helping teenagers to develop a healthy life because they are still under the influence of the old traditions, thinking that sex and all its activities should be restricted and delayed as much as possible. In their minds, sex is still a sin. But isn't preventing teenagers from sexual education, ruining their lives or killing them as a result an even greater sin? Perhaps parents should abandon their old way of thinking, and focus on the important things: protecting their children from the consequences of unsafe sex.

By all means, sex is not a bad thing, but it does come with deadly consequences if not careful. However, all can be prevented if teenagers are informed about sex. Installing condom machines in Mac is one important step in promoting the practice of safe sex. Rather than trying to prevent teenagers from knowing about sex, parents and teachers should introduce information on sex to kids as early as possible, preventing them from making mistakes early in their lives. Things are changing for the better, however. According to statistics Canada, teen pregnancy rate has fallen every year since 1994, contributed by the increasing awareness of parents and teachers in educating teenagers on sex and its consequences. Thanks to this increasing awareness, fewer teenagers are suffering a difficult life or a possible certain death.

Writing Feedback / Without academic excellence, most students nowadays are squeezed out of the competition [3]

helo^^. this is my second time using this forum, i rly appreciate the first time i was helped learned a lot!

i nid help checking over this essay for minor grammar mistakes, fallacies (most important), and general coherence and structure. TY!

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------------
Topic-Are Academics a top priority at XXX? (XX= my school)

Without academic excellence, most students nowadays are squeezed out of the competition for post-secondary education or quality careers: all for the purpose of pursing a better life. In order to achieve academic excellence, students need the support from their parents, as well as their "outside parents" - teachers and counselors. Students also require a school that provides an excellent learning environment and prioritizes in academics. XXX, however, is not a school that promotes academic focus and excellence; it has too many school activities that interrupt daily schedule, and teachers that care little about the general direction students are heading.

Teachers are the most important factor in the quality of a school. Teachers educate students, who initially knows almost nothing, to intellectuals who are knowledgeable, excel in critical thinking, and able to communicate effectively and efficiently. However, not all students are eager to sit through an hour of lecture on electron behaviors. It is up to the teacher to encourage and discipline the students into absorbing knowledge and understanding the course materials. While some teachers at XXX are very dedicated to their students, other teachers are more concerned with getting through the curriculum than whether their students are actually keeping up. "How well you do in school doesn't affect my life" can be heard all too often from some teachers. Indeed, students' decision to work hard or relax through the year impact only on their own lives, but shouldn't the teachers be more concerned in the growth of students? Granted, teachers at XXX have a large amount of students; it is very difficult to focus on any individual students. Nonetheless, comparing with other schools that have enriched programs, teachers at XXX does not pursue persistently after students for missing assignments or tests, nor do they heartily warn the students when their grades take a nose dive. This gets to a point when delinquent students either skips school or do nothing in school. Without responsible teachers to put them back on the right track, their future is on a high wire. Therefore, teachers at XXX should focus more on their students' growth.

Frequent interruptions of school events also divert the academic focus in XXX. Extra-curricular activities and school assemblies often takes away precious school time. School trips and sport competitions led to exploitations by many students to miss a day or more of class, even during critical times such as the exams period. "Skipping" was never such an enthusiastic term. Some may argue that extra-curricular activities help the students to become more socially active. Indeed. XXX does have an abundance of clubs and events that are both interactive and educational, and being socially active is something everyone should strive for. But XXX should better promote time management of students, and prioritizes academics over extra-curricular activities. The top students excel in both academics and social involvement. For the majority of students at XXX, too many extra-curricular activities often do more harm than good. For example, the school band requires students to attend periodically for practice for a long period of time after school. This gives little time for students to complete and review homework and assignments, or preparing for upcoming examinations. In the sake of pursuing personal interests, students neglect the primary purpose of attending school: to get education. XXX should continue to operate extra-curricular activities and school events, but it should encourage more on studying.

While it is true that teachers and the school's approach to education determine the academic focus in XXX, XXX students are often influential on the academic environment as well. Unfortunately, academics are rarely concerns for the majority of XXX students. Students are more interested in discussing what happened on the latest episode of "Prison Break" than talking about schoolwork. The few discussions arose regarding to schoolwork are mostly complains about an excess amount of homework or assignments. In reality, the amount of homework and assignments, and the difficulty of course materials covered are infinitesimal comparing to that of enriched programs or schools in the states; it is indeed pathetic. Although students are becoming more aware of academics' importance as they grow older, it is far from enough. Students in XXX should realize that high school is only a stairway, preparing them for post-secondary education. Few students will be truly prepared when they reach post-secondary education, which has a colossal amount of workloads comparing to that of high schools. However, this is mainly parents' and the board of education's fault. According to a recent education policy proposal, "parents [should] not keep children up past their bedtime, even if the homework is not complete. Teachers should not punish a child who does not finish an assignment on time." This is not a good idea. Homework and assignments not only educate the students, but they help them to develop good work habits. Without strict teachers and parents, students do not feel the need to do well in school, and eventually perform poorly in post-secondary schools or in the work place.

In a society dominated by competitions between peers, students at XXX do not receive a head start because of relaxed teachers, ubiquitous school activities, and a discouraging learning environment. Unless teachers and parents start to pay more attention in students' education, their future competitions in the society and the job market looks grim.

Writing Feedback / Critique on primary source analysis, British Working Class [4]

hi everybody,
i am a high school student and i am new to this forum, or any essay writing forums:D. i read over some of the posts and i can c mods/helpers are very dedicated and skilled individuals! personally i dont mind my work plagiarized, since they r hogwash anyways and all i want is improve my poor writing. so as a introduction pls give a quick scan of my essay and feel free to post any comments. ty for ur time:D

*i dont have the essay that i did my critique on..is it ok?
------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------------
Critique on primary source analysis

In this historical analysis of the British Working Class in the interlude of late 18th to early 19th Century, Simon (privacy) conveys the intricate relationship between the working class and the aristocracy. According to the introduction, he introduces the notion of the working class striving for a better life, while suppressed by the elite and aristocracy because they wanted to maintain their power. He portrayed the arising conflict between these two classes, and their arsenal, which were strategies assisting their personal agendas that would aid them to gain an upper hand in this conflict. Although both sides of the conflict were clearly illuminated, it is clear that he wrote in favor of the working class, as he lists the reasons for them to participate in this conflict as "pushing towards better living standards, better working conditions, better wages, and more rights for the employees." The elites and aristocracy, however, fought to maintain their powers over the working class, regarded as a lower class similar to slaves or force laborers. Therefore the working class seems to be pitiful and righteous while the ruling class is portrayed as evil and tyrannical. This notion continues to resurgence as the analysis progresses.

The salient strength of this analysis is the author's detailed and thorough description of the conflict between the working class and the aristocracy. This was shown in a step-by-step analysis conveying each of the side's method in order to win the conflict. The first step of this conflict was described to be the alliance created between the trade union and the working class, used to pressure the government as well as the elite and aristocracy into indulging their demands He limned the trade union's continuing momentum to fulfilling its demands by first voicing their grievance for the current economical and political structure, then fighting for the demands by the working class. This, indeed, created much tension within the rich ruling class. In turn, the opposite side countered this by relying on the intervention of the government, which included acceleration in law making that strikes against the strikers. Furthermore, he described the working class's counter to the elite and aristocracy, which centers on breaking machines and property or even threats of murder, planned by the Luddites. He portrays the Luddites as quasi-terrorists, using threats to coerce their enemy to submit to their demands. Furthermore, Simon included a large number of quotes in this analysis that strongly supported his ideas. He successfully combines all these descriptions to vividly summarize the conflict between the two classes.

Simon mainly focuses on the motif that different groups of people fought against each other to achieve their own goals and personal well being, ironically it is their very conflict that allows the two groups to fit, if not peacefully, into one society and successfully functioning together. Simon, however, scarcely described future events that followed after this period of time. Whether the working class and the elite and aristocracy continued to quarrel for their own interest, or the problems emanated from their conflict was unclear to us. In addition, the relationship between the conflicts and the contemporary society is vague. This gives me little concern on the major conflict between the two classes. All in all this analysis was well written and adamantly elaborated.

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------------