MLE27
Dec 2, 2010
Writing Feedback / SAT essay! Where do I see myself when I am 22. Need grammar help. [4]
Ok, Thank you :) I will do that.
Ok, Thank you :) I will do that.
MLE27
Dec 1, 2010
Writing Feedback / SAT essay! Where do I see myself when I am 22. Need grammar help. [4]
The prompt is: Where would you like to be (in your life) when you're 22? How do you plan to reach your goals?
Any grammar or sentance structure help would be great! Any feed back about what I need to work on is appreciated. Thanks!! :)
When I am Twenty-two years old
When I set goals nothing can stop me from conquering them. I know God will bless
me and be with me every step of my life. When I am twenty-two I will be in graduate
school. I will be working toward my goal of becoming a chiropractor. The plan is to have
a steady job and be able to support myself. My apartment will consist of me living on
my own for part of my life. As dogs are a huge part of my life I will have at least two
dogs of my own.
In six years God will still be my father guiding me through every step of my life. I will
have a strong independent relationship with him. No matter what I do, I will be doing it
for God and because of him. I will be of use to him for his will in any way possible. His
love and grace have me believing I will be doing big things for him. Striving to know
him better every day and witness to others the power of my God. With everything God
has done for me and brought me through I hope to be able to help others see how
strong he is. In six years my love and faith in God will be stronger than it ever has. No
matter what I am surrounded with, or taught, He will be my everything, my only leader,
and above everything the only truth. I will show God's love no matter where I am in my
life at twenty-two years old. He will still be my strongest point, and closest
relationship. He will be who I walk with, and who carries me when I fall. I am looking
forward to being in college and standing firm in my relationship with him.
After having graduated from either **** or **** I will be in my first year of
graduate school. For my career goal, I will be in school to become a chiropractor. Not
every college has a chiropractic program; It is only chiropractic schools that do. I will be
at one of the twenty-one schools in the country for chiropractic schooling. I see myself
in Florida, South Carolina, or Georgia because those schools are closest to my home.
When I am twenty-two I will be on the way to my graduates degree in the chiropractic work
field.
Having an apartment on my own, living independently as a twenty-two year old
woman is my goal. This will help me learn to take care of myself, my own place, and
learn who I am. I really want to learn responsibility by myself before having roommates
or getting married. I would like to live on my own for confidence in myself, and my
strength in God to grow.
In the time of going to college and having an apartment I will have a steady job.
Chiropractic school and an apartment are both big expenses. I will be working as often
as I can to pay for my schooling and home. God will make ways for all of it to work
out, and get me through any hard years.
In my college life I will carry my love for dogs with me. I will be having at least two
dogs on my own. Seeing how much I love straight racing, I am sure I will do some of it
here and there in college. With the fact that I have grown up training dogs, I will be
making that an extra hobby and side job when I am in college.
No matter what happens, I will make it to my goals. I will have God with me through
everything. I will be getting my graduated degree in the chiropractic work field. God will
provide me with a job for all my expenses. I will be living on my own in an apartment. As
well as living on my own, I will own two dogs. And this is where I see myself when I am
twenty two years old.
The prompt is: Where would you like to be (in your life) when you're 22? How do you plan to reach your goals?
Any grammar or sentance structure help would be great! Any feed back about what I need to work on is appreciated. Thanks!! :)
When I am Twenty-two years old
When I set goals nothing can stop me from conquering them. I know God will bless
me and be with me every step of my life. When I am twenty-two I will be in graduate
school. I will be working toward my goal of becoming a chiropractor. The plan is to have
a steady job and be able to support myself. My apartment will consist of me living on
my own for part of my life. As dogs are a huge part of my life I will have at least two
dogs of my own.
In six years God will still be my father guiding me through every step of my life. I will
have a strong independent relationship with him. No matter what I do, I will be doing it
for God and because of him. I will be of use to him for his will in any way possible. His
love and grace have me believing I will be doing big things for him. Striving to know
him better every day and witness to others the power of my God. With everything God
has done for me and brought me through I hope to be able to help others see how
strong he is. In six years my love and faith in God will be stronger than it ever has. No
matter what I am surrounded with, or taught, He will be my everything, my only leader,
and above everything the only truth. I will show God's love no matter where I am in my
life at twenty-two years old. He will still be my strongest point, and closest
relationship. He will be who I walk with, and who carries me when I fall. I am looking
forward to being in college and standing firm in my relationship with him.
After having graduated from either **** or **** I will be in my first year of
graduate school. For my career goal, I will be in school to become a chiropractor. Not
every college has a chiropractic program; It is only chiropractic schools that do. I will be
at one of the twenty-one schools in the country for chiropractic schooling. I see myself
in Florida, South Carolina, or Georgia because those schools are closest to my home.
When I am twenty-two I will be on the way to my graduates degree in the chiropractic work
field.
Having an apartment on my own, living independently as a twenty-two year old
woman is my goal. This will help me learn to take care of myself, my own place, and
learn who I am. I really want to learn responsibility by myself before having roommates
or getting married. I would like to live on my own for confidence in myself, and my
strength in God to grow.
In the time of going to college and having an apartment I will have a steady job.
Chiropractic school and an apartment are both big expenses. I will be working as often
as I can to pay for my schooling and home. God will make ways for all of it to work
out, and get me through any hard years.
In my college life I will carry my love for dogs with me. I will be having at least two
dogs on my own. Seeing how much I love straight racing, I am sure I will do some of it
here and there in college. With the fact that I have grown up training dogs, I will be
making that an extra hobby and side job when I am in college.
No matter what happens, I will make it to my goals. I will have God with me through
everything. I will be getting my graduated degree in the chiropractic work field. God will
provide me with a job for all my expenses. I will be living on my own in an apartment. As
well as living on my own, I will own two dogs. And this is where I see myself when I am
twenty two years old.
MLE27
Nov 30, 2010
Undergraduate / " childhood story" " Interest in biology" Pomona's supplement [4]
Try to bring more fun into the essay, more than just about hard work and studying. Try and show why you have so much fun, and why it is a passion of yours.
Try to bring more fun into the essay, more than just about hard work and studying. Try and show why you have so much fun, and why it is a passion of yours.
MLE27
Nov 4, 2010
Writing Feedback / SAT essay: Can success be disastrous? [2]
Prompt for essay: Can success be disastrous?
I am not good a writing and I would love any help you could give me on this. Thanks :)
SUCCESS
Success can have different outcomes. Success can be a positive thing, where goals are reached. Being successful can be blinding in certain situations. When one becomes successful most people become haughty and arrogant. Goals may come to pass in life, making one successful, but the grass in not always greener on the other side.
Success is getting to a set goal; making life what you want it to be. Reaching your dreams and having everything you want. Everyone views being successful differently, because everyone has different passions and dreams. Having a goal of getting good grades helps for applying to colleges and helps you be successful later in life. Fervently working to earn more money in life satisfies the people who enjoy having a plethora of material things in life. Both of these goals have successful and happy outcomes.
When climbing in life to a certain goal, a person can be blind to certain situations. Sometimes
becoming successful you have to make hard choices before you get there. Being set on what is wanted sometimes means other people could be hurt. Some things in life may have to be given up, in order to receive certain rewards of success. Just like when a celebrity has to give up ever having a personal life in order to get money and fame. A kid in middle school having the choice of being in the in crowd and the outcome is losing true friends. These choices have to be made on what you want more, but can have the consequences of being too ambitious.
Pride can get in the way of being successful and happy. Winning an award for something is a great moment of success, but after winning a dozen of them it is hard not to become a braggart. When success builds an ego, it can make a person arrogant and can create a downfall. Being overly haughty can cause you to lose sight of what is actually wanted to be happy. It can even cause a person to lose themselves and create a whole new person.
Gaining success can have many outcomes. Having a successful life is a good thing to strive for, and can have many great rewards in life. If a person is not careful, there could be some adversity that comes along the road to success. Keeping a thankful view on life will make your path clear, but becoming arrogant causes problems in having success. So, there for success can be disastrous and cause turmoil if you are not chary and wise.
Prompt for essay: Can success be disastrous?
I am not good a writing and I would love any help you could give me on this. Thanks :)
SUCCESS
Success can have different outcomes. Success can be a positive thing, where goals are reached. Being successful can be blinding in certain situations. When one becomes successful most people become haughty and arrogant. Goals may come to pass in life, making one successful, but the grass in not always greener on the other side.
Success is getting to a set goal; making life what you want it to be. Reaching your dreams and having everything you want. Everyone views being successful differently, because everyone has different passions and dreams. Having a goal of getting good grades helps for applying to colleges and helps you be successful later in life. Fervently working to earn more money in life satisfies the people who enjoy having a plethora of material things in life. Both of these goals have successful and happy outcomes.
When climbing in life to a certain goal, a person can be blind to certain situations. Sometimes
becoming successful you have to make hard choices before you get there. Being set on what is wanted sometimes means other people could be hurt. Some things in life may have to be given up, in order to receive certain rewards of success. Just like when a celebrity has to give up ever having a personal life in order to get money and fame. A kid in middle school having the choice of being in the in crowd and the outcome is losing true friends. These choices have to be made on what you want more, but can have the consequences of being too ambitious.
Pride can get in the way of being successful and happy. Winning an award for something is a great moment of success, but after winning a dozen of them it is hard not to become a braggart. When success builds an ego, it can make a person arrogant and can create a downfall. Being overly haughty can cause you to lose sight of what is actually wanted to be happy. It can even cause a person to lose themselves and create a whole new person.
Gaining success can have many outcomes. Having a successful life is a good thing to strive for, and can have many great rewards in life. If a person is not careful, there could be some adversity that comes along the road to success. Keeping a thankful view on life will make your path clear, but becoming arrogant causes problems in having success. So, there for success can be disastrous and cause turmoil if you are not chary and wise.
