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" childhood story" " Interest in biology" Pomona's supplement

andygu 6 / 14  
Nov 22, 2010   #1
Pomona's supplement Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an experience you've had outside of your formal classroom and extracurricular activities that was just plain fun and why.

Welcome any advice, both on grammar and structure。Thank you!! :)

Did I answer the question properly? Need I add the last year's experience? I think the experiment experience is not forplain fun. Then What's your advice?

I was hooked by insects when I was only 6 and since then my childhood was inseparable from them.I called my cricket the musician, dragonfly the pilot, and butterfly the ballet dancer.... every creature has a nickname in my fancy world. Oscillating between making specimens and searching for little "companions" My childhood is full of memborable experiences. I can still remember vividly on my first night "attack."...

The gentle breeze blowed away the sultry air, all surroundings were dark and quiet. Searching between the branches with my torch for nearly one hour, I was totally exhausted with my neck and waist aching. "Got it, hey, look" my brother shouted to me. Along with his torch light, a cicada came into my eye. "preparing for molting, a new life above ground" I said.

Sitting under the big tree, we waited for the time of cicada molting process. I got my camera ready and the torch fixed. It was destined to be a sleepless night because the fantastic drama was beginning, cicada the leading role.

23:05 A tiny crack bursted in the shell and then a transparent lime-green and creature got out, half-way outside of its old shell which was firmly attached to the branch and clearly splitted down the middle.

0:10, the "newly birthed" cicada "stood" on top of its old skin. Wings were clearly visible, like traditional Chinese silk, delicate and soft.

1:33, clutched tightly at the abandoned shell, the cicada seemed helpless and weak, it was an absolute adventure.
2:23, began to change color, from white and green to brown and then black. Eyes changed to red.
3:06, wings were no longer soft ! It began to crawl on the branch. A nirvana for cicada!
Drama ended.
" How fantastic," I pushed my sleepy brother "Why need they take risk of being caught just to molt?" I threw my question to my brother, "God knows, maybe they are feeling too solitude underground. "

The next morning, puzzled with my question I poured myself in books and was surprised to find that molting allowed the body of the insect to expand and grow up! Depending on the species, molting can actually occur about 5 to 60 times in the life span of an insect and is generally regarded as one of the most vulnerable processes that an insect can go through. "How charming the nature is!" a sense of respect emerged from my heart," The insect must be warriors, fighting with outer enemys and taking up new challenges"

When I grew up I always recalled that memorable night but the molting process was no longer important because I realized the philosophy for life--one will grow up through a painful process as the cicada's molting and only when he withstand the most vulnerable times could he mature.

Last year, I was stressed out by my experiment on PCR and gene splicing. Every noon and evening I dealt with those cold appliance but didn't get the expectant result. I wanted to give in because it was too meaningless and time-consuming.

My instructor Mr. Lin said nothing after hearing my plan, just nodded. That evening he sent me an email:"Failure is better than giving in because you have tried. I hope you can mature yourself through fighting with your enemy within your mind "

I came back home with my notes but can't stop thinking about Lin's words and the splendid "drama"(life circle) of cicada. "Maybe I should try, as cicada does. I can't be a coward who can not molt away the faint heart..." I told myself.

The very next day, I brought a pile of notes and books back to the laboratory. Immersing myself in the experiment, I changed my old plan and adopted a new method from my classmates. I started from the beginning and sticked to the requirements rigorously. By controlling the temperature more carefully, I made sure that all the enzyme was active and hard-working

Two weeks passed,I finished my tough experiment successfully. Maybe I got more besides the perfect experiment data and that's the courage to make change and persevere, although it was destined to be tough and painful.

Facing the bump in road, some would choose to stop and went back, some would wind in circle, but they just accept the reality instead of trying to change. Sometimes giving in promises them from hurt but they can never explore the scenery beyond their comfort zone. So, molt off the faint heart dominating your life. Just drive carefully across the bumps and keep your "engine" aggressive, that's the meaning of life.
linmark 2 / 328 7  
Nov 30, 2010   #2
This was the question:
Tell us about an experience you've had outside of your formal classroom and extracurricular activities that was just plain fun and why.
"Did I answer the question properly?" The first part of your essay (childhood experience watching cicadas molting) could qualify as an extracurricular activity, but you did not cover how and why it was "just plain fun."

While linking this metamorphosis to your classroom/lab experience may qualify as an essay for "most significant or important life-changing experience," the prompt did not ask for this. Instead, here is a chance for the adcoms to get to know the FUN side of you, nothing to do with anything serious (academic ambitions, interests, achievements.) Try listing the top 3 things you enjoy doing outside of school. Do you have a favorite hobby (besides insect-watching?) I would start by finding something you are enthusiastic to share and describe it in writing.

And watch out for incomplete sentences; there were many in your essay.
MLE27 2 / 2  
Nov 30, 2010   #3
Try to bring more fun into the essay, more than just about hard work and studying. Try and show why you have so much fun, and why it is a passion of yours.
OP andygu 6 / 14  
Dec 1, 2010   #4
Thank you for your advice!

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